I'm back again. 5 weeks after I thought he couldn't get any lower my son has gambled again! His wife gave him another chance but this time has left for good. We all helped him sort his mess out (not money help), he got on a 1-1 counselling course and has been attending his weekly GA meetings and still he relapsed! We now discover he stopped the 1-1 because (he said) it was very meditational and he didn't buy into it? He is very low again, feeling disgusted with himself and he's lost his family. We can't abandon him - he's our son but my husband is very angry and wants to leave him to it. Practically he will be unable to continue living in his rented house and support his wife and baby given the level of debt he has. I feel he has deeper mental issues he needs to address and want to arrange for him to see a psychotherapist - will this help? Also I am going to attend a family GA meeting I need to try and understand this addiction.
Hi Outofmydepth
I am also the mom of a compulsive gambler. Mine does not have a family but everything else you mention sounds sadly very familiar. It is a long haul learning to manage this addiction even when they desperately want to . As hard as it is you need to try and let him sort this out for himself. As you know they can move mountains to find money to gamble with so I assume that they have the same wherewithal to find recovery when they are ready.
This is so difficult to do as a mom. It is so painful to see your son struggle but is necessary if he is to come out the other side of this. My son has tried all sorts of therapy as we were sure there was something deeper. After 8 years of this he has had the most success with GA. He has had a few relapses since starting but does continue to return. I go to Gam Anon and think that is the best thing you can do! Lots of support ... finally people that understand your pain.
Take care of yourself and deep breaths!
Cathy
Hi outofmydepth
Im the Mum of a son who is a compulsive gambler too.
I echo everything Amom said.
Get as much support as you can and just keep putting one foot in front of other.
X
I'm the gambler. In recovery today and fighting hard.
Good idea getting to a Gamanon meeting. Stick at it and give yourself time.
As for your son, GA sees compulsive gambling as an illness which sounds dramatic but it can kill people in the end.
I had to stick at my recovery to get there
Nearly 600 days later i'm not cured but i am starting to get this addiction doesn't go away despite how much i want it to
Outofmydepth, currently I know how you feel. My boyfriend of 9 years admitted only in the past couple of months he has a gambling addiction, I knew there was a problem and confronted him a while ago but he denied there was anything wrong.
He contacted gamcare and we both started 1-1 therapy but I had a feeling that he probably wasn't attending sessions and asked him if he was to which he replied yes, of course I was cynical it's hard not to be! I took on the financial responsibilities with agreement that he contacted step change and would get his finances in order before he started helping again.
He was meant to come for a family dinner for my birthday, but, he didn't come home from work yesterday, his phone is off but know that he has received my text messages as his phone was briefly put back on. I know he's relapsed. At first I was so angry and couldn't see past it, but now I'm just worried that he'll do something stupid. You can't save him, and you can't protect him, you won't worry any less but ultimately, you've got to continue with your side of recovery
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
