Should I ask him to go?I’m at the end of my tether with my husband and his gambling. I’ve tried everything possible to help him stop but it’s no good. I have a 7 month old baby and now think it would be best if I ask him to leave as he provides no financial support to us, he would rather gamble every penny he has then expect me to pick up the pieces. He’s a taxi driver so if he has no money then he cannot put petrol in his car to work so I’ve had no choice but to bail him out on many occasion. I’ve bought every present for our baby’s 1st Christmas. I’ve also made the decision to return to work and cut short my maternity as we struggled to cover the bills. He takes no responsibility for his actions and acts like a child when he’s lost all his money sulking for days on end. Sometimes when he says ‘you’d be better off without me’ I feel like actually saying ‘YES WE WOULD’. He has attempted suicide before due to gambling but I’m now feeling I have to be selfish for the sake of my baby.
Hi wife of a gambler, how I wish things were different. When my baby was born I had no idea my husband was gambling, I thought he was busy or couldn't face the crying, he was so secretive. The only way I've found to have any affect on my husband when he was gambling was to go to a gamanon meeting. That probably sounds alien or impossible to you right now. In my experience you have to look after yourself. Don't pay his debts, don't give him money. If you give him money for petrol ask for a receipt.Call gamcare and get some advice and counselling. Living with a compulsive gambler can affect our mental health just as much as theirs. Don't be ashamed, don't keep secrets. Don't make ultimatums. If you do you have to follow through. He's in denial, he's consumed by addiction, he's still chasing that loss, getting his fix. It's become part of his routine, his habit. It's ok for you to have rules, tell him how much this is affecting you and he needs help. Yes he will deny it, but ultimately he will have nothing if this continues. If he's suicidal he needs to see his gp. You can ask him to leave but is that what you want? Or do you want things to change? Get some help, call gamcare, find a meeting, there is online gamanon Sunday nights 8-9. Talk on here, ask questions.
Thank you Merry go round for your advice. Yes, I want to see a change and want to help but at times I feel helpless. I feel he’s pulling me down with him even though I’ve tried so hard to pick him back up. His suicide attempts are a call for help but I can only help him so much. He has to take responsibility for his actions. He never apologised, when he loses his money he doesn’t ask me to help but says ‘you’ll need to put petrol in the car to get me back to work’ it’s become a expectation. I’ve said no on a couple of occasions and he left us and went missing for 24 hours. Said he walked the streets thinking of what he’d done when I was waiting for a knock on the door from the police with the worst news. He has no idea what he is putting us through. I will take on your advice and look for a meeting and councilling. Thank you
That's great. Saying 'no' is so difficult but necessary. Put you first.
What Merry Go Round has said is true.
I have a bad problem, but not as bad as others. My father has a bad gambling addict, even now in his 60's it consumes him. There is no changing him now. My life growing up is filled with memories of him stealing and gambling all his wages while my mother had to support us.
He was never around. Sometimes he would drive me home from school and leave me in the car for over an hour while he went to the bookies, or sometimes when picking me up he would make me wait 30-40m. I was very scared of him as a child, he was angry all the time. I am sure in a another life he would've been a great father.
It is a lot of hard work, you have a child, and it is a bad environment because your husband is not even ready to say he has a problem yet. He needs a reality check, not sure what you want to do, it is not my call to make. It is a long road back if he ever recovers, it depends on a) if he is ready (which he is not) b) if you want to go with him through it.
I know we should be sympathetic, I am a gambler myself. But you need to look out for yourself and your child.
Hello Wife of a gambler....
I too am a wife of a very compulsive gambler... to the point I feel he is crazy and it's driving me crazy.
I think if you have the strength to leave him, and especially the fact that you are financially independent then please do... or you'll probably end up like myself. Going round and round living in this vicious circle. It's happened so many times with me and him, I've lost count. From the days I first started dating him, to the point we got married and even now with 3 kids, 9,6,4. To date.. his gambling has become such a problem that we have no money to pay our current bills.. and on the brink of losing our home. I have sleepless nights... am always tired, in tears and break out in anger towards him.
It's not good for me , him or the kids. We are currently living separately as I kicked him out of the family home realising what his done. However as I am a house wife, I have no income and solely rely on my husbands income. So we can only save our home and family if we are to somehow work it out together. which is where I am at.
I would say like everyone else, if you have the strength then leave him, please do, but if you want this work, its a forever on going battle, I've been here with my husband for 23 years. I'm not sure if I can continue with this battle myself.
So all the best in whatever your decision is. X
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