Struggling to know whether to close the door or leave it open

Hi there, 

I’m looking for support from people who understand what it’s like to love someone with a gambling addiction.

My partner and I have been together for six years and have two young children. At the end of November, I sold my own home so we could buy what I thought was our forever family home together. A few weeks later, the first money problems started to come out. I was eight months pregnant with our second baby, and our first was only 15 months old.

At first, I believed it was poor money management. I tried to support him, budget, and help us get through it. Then in February, four weeks after I gave birth, he went missing and tried to take his own life. After that, everything became about supporting him and getting him through what I thought was a mental health crisis.

At the end of May, over my best friend’s wedding weekend, the truth came out. He had gambled our money away, pawned my engagement ring, and there had been many other financial lies and deceit. I felt like I couldn’t take any more, and we separated. He moved back home, which isn’t in Scotland, and more lies continued to come out for a few weeks after that.

For the last four weeks, he has consistently attended CBT and Gamblers Anonymous, and I am proud of him for getting help. We are still very amicable, and I do still love him, which makes this so much harder.

I’m struggling to know whether I should completely close the door on our relationship or leave it slightly open while he focuses on recovery. I know four weeks is only the beginning, and trust will take a long time to rebuild, but I still question whether I supported him enough and whether I could have done more.

I also worry about what my family and friends would think if I ever chose to try again. They have seen how much this has hurt me, and I know they only want to protect me, but I feel torn between my head, my heart, and the opinions of the people around me.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Did you leave the door open while your partner recovered? Did you rebuild, or did you realise love wasn’t enough?