Well today started well... I woke up, which is a pretty good start to anyone’s day really, and it continued to go pretty well until around 8am. The other half called in tears with a confession which I wasn't too shocked about but at the same time, disgusted me.
After a few years I have known that she has had a gambling addiction. She spends a lot of time playing online bingo, loves going to bingo halls, although this doesn't happen that often thank god, and she likes the odd flutter on the dogs. She works for a well known betting agency so gets the tickets for the local dog track for free and regards this as a cheap night out.
After many, many, many fights about her habit that she denied she had, checking her account to see how much she had done this time, she finally called for help. She'd spent over £500 last month on online bingo alone with countless transactions per day. I had started to trust her again and hadn’t checked her bank account for a while. Last week she said she was going to the hall and if she won anything, she’d buy me a game that I have been after for a while. Low and behold, she wins £100 and calls me to tell me that she is about to buy the game from Asda. This sparked off suspicion and that’s when I found out that she was spending so much money online. I thought I had dealt with it and told her to self exclude herself from all the sites that she used... She didn’t. What she did do though was steal my credit card and take a total of £350 and blew the whole lot on bingo and slot machines. It doesn’t stop there, she proceeds to tell me that council tax hasn’t been paid since well before Christmas and she borrowed money from my dad and blew that too. I don’t know what I am more shocked about, her stealing money from me, lying to my dad to get money, or even not paying the one bill that can put her behind bars.
I’ve now taken control of her account by changing her password, holding her card and have changed the pin, set up standing orders so that every time she gets paid that money then gets transferred straight to my unused account straight away and told her that she has no money until she can justify what it’s for. I’ve also called the bingo sites and got her to self exclude in front of me so I know that she’s actually done what I’ve asked.
The problem is I feel guilty. I feel like I have no right to do what I’m doing, I have no right to say that all of her money gets controlled by me. And the more she cries, the guiltier I feel. Why am I feeling like this? Is this normal? Or do I have to grow bigger balls and stick to my guns without any guilt whatsoever? We have 2 boys together and another on the way due 1 May 2014. I can’t leave; my family is the most important thing in my life. What looked like a great 2014 with loads of stuff being paid off, a new baby on the way, turns out to be a pretty cr** one with more debt to pay off.
I don't think you should feel guilty, you have been put In a horrible position; you obviously care a great deal and have took these actions for the good of your family.
I'm guessing Your partner is feeling pretty horrible herself; it's not a rational decision; you go into a zone and forget Everything for a couple of hours then feel terrible when it dawns on you afterwards. It's no excuse but it doesn't she mean she doesn't care; she needs support and not to be judged she is more than likely doing that to herself.
You have done nothing wrong and you are protecting her and your family - I wish someone would have done that to me! In the long run you need to encourage her to go to meeting come on here - let we read your post - writing down is often a lot more rational than arguing. Talk to her and try not to start a fight.
Good luck I really hope that everyone works out for both of you.
Hi Jimmie
Firstly my deepest symphonies for what you are experiencing and goin through at this moment in time it must have come as a huge shock and opened your eyes into the damaging effects gambling do
Well done for opening up seeking help and support to try and get the right advice for both of you, the support and actions I really have to commend you on it is really important that you protect yourself and your young family so please don't feel guilty in anyway, I can feel your frustration with your other half and that's understandable, as you will read many times you can only do so much it has to come from the individual they have to admit their problem which at this point gives you hope as she has come to you with her problem, the onus is on her to prove to you that she wants to stop and get help and support, counselling is offered through this site for both of you which will help and is free speaking to an advisor or posting herself will help even more if you can open her eyes even more to the problem and see she is not alone
Myself a compulsive gambler can see both sides iv done the lies and deceit the financial losses the way gambling turns into something we are not I'm guessing remove gambling from your partner and she is a completely different person
You have taken the 1st steps and I hope your partner can find the strength to do the same if so you have a great chance of getting through this difficult time for both of you, if she won't then decisions to protect yourself and your family will need to be embedded even more
There's loads of great advice for both of you on here and I wish you both the best and I really hope it turns out well
Castle2
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