So I'm new here, 3 weeks ago today I found out that my now husband had a gambling problem so severe he had spent every penny of our wedding fund, we was getting married 2 days later! He had taken out loans and borrowed money off family and lied to everyone including me! He is now in a lot of debt but has set up payment plans so is on the way to sorting it, but I can't help feeling like I'm a babysitter now, I'm in control of his money, opening his post to make sure there is no more Loans or missed payments popping up! Obviously I still married him as I love him and won't give up! But I am really struggling learning to trust him again, the feeling of why would he do this to me and our children! How can we move toward in a marriage with no trust, and selfishly who is there to support me and ask me how I'm feeling or coping! He's getting support from me and family and he hasn't once asked me how I'm doing since I found out is it normal to feel like this? Sorry for the long message...
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forums/family-friends
Hello,
This is the family and friends section. I hope a mod can move this post to the f&f section for you. It must be really difficult for you but help will be given in that board. Good luck and hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong...
Hi howtotrustagain if you want help and support find a gamanon meeting. They run alongside GA for family and friends. You will find people there who have been where you are now. They will understand like no one else. In the meantime don't let your guard down. Don't think he can do this alone. Controlling money can be useful if you have 100% control. I control our money, cash and receipts for him. I don't look at it as babysitting, it's necessary. It's not foolproof. Compulsive gamblers don't think of anything but gambling. If he is abstaining his focus is on not gambling. It doesn't get better overnight. This is forever. Worry about you and the children. Call gamcare to talk to someone. Find out about addiction and what you're going to have to deal with.
Sorry to hear about that, your wedding day was ruined (or cancelled) so would have been even more hurtful. Your husband is a compulsive gambler and will be for life, this simply means that anyform of gambling is out the window. No Bookies, no scratchcards, not rafffles...nothing. He needs to be on a recovery program, and needs support to deal with it. You also need support, there is GA meetings for compulsive gamblers but also GamAnon for friends and family of gamblers as they also have to pick up the pieces of living with a destructive addiction. There is no quick fix, recovery essentially becomes part of yourlife. Is your husband attending GA meetings?
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