Hi
Im not here expecting any replys had far more than my fair share, just bit of a rough day and hubby still doesn't get why our sons behaviour bothers me, and I cant tell anyone else.
After last week when we saw our son for the first time in 6 months I thought we'd made a very small step in the right direction, at least we could be polite to each other. He asked if we would visit him in his new home and it would probably be this week, we said to just tell us when suited him best. Hadn't heard any more until this morning thinking lovely get to see him again and the first thing he did was ask where his birthday presents were from a couple of weeks ago, I said we hadn't got him any. He seems to of forgotten he hasn't bought anything for any of us for over 2 years the last ones we got were bought with money he stole from his girlfriend, and since then hes not so much as wished us happy birthday. Of course he was less than pleased but insisted we bought him some things he needs for his house because we obviously didn't care enough to buy him a birthday present.
No arguments, just said that wasn't going to happen. Not that long ago I would of reacted differently and told him what I thought, but that doesn't work.
First time in ages Id felt a little hopeful but again my son pulls the rug from under me. Feel like a prize fool again and hurt, he really has no conscience.
We wont be contacting him, I can walk away again, Im not the hysterical mess I used to be, Im calm and will get on with my own life. I just wish I knew away to stop it hurting so much
X
Hi Phoenix,
This must be so hard for you, my son is nearly 20 and thankfully no dangerous vices, but I know how difficult it must be for you to walk away. We give them everything don't we? Maybe just maybe your son has yet to mature properly and when he does he will get a sharp shock at the devastation he has caused! Just keep loving with all your heart and soul.
Take care
x
Hi Phoenix,
I always look in this section hoping to see happy posts from you so I must admit I was a little sad it read this.
Like I've said to you before I went around 2 years without speaking to my dad bevause of my gambling....we were never really close to be honest....but I have to say we get on better these days than we ever have.
You seem to be dealing with it the best way you can, as hard as that may be, but I still hold hope that one day your son will finally admit he has a problem and that you can rebuild your relationship.
I wish you well.
Damo
Hi
Thank you Twinkletoes.
He is immature we've said it for a long time, he continually runs away from anything hes uncomfortable with or doesn't like.
I think he does know deep down inside what hes doing, Ive seen very brief glimpses of remorse in the past. Hes told me before that he wants to sort his life out and is full of big plans but that means facing the consequences of what hes done and hes too scared to face them.
Walking away was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do, but we were literally at breaking point. I was hoping it would be a turning point for him but not so far.
Im not angry , I still love him as much just hurt and frustrated that I thought maybe we might be getting somewhere but of course addiction doesn't work like that.
Ive done the hardest bit and I can wait as long as it takes.
X
Hi Damo
Sorry just seen your post, I was wondering how you were doing ?
It was your reply to my post months ago that sticks in my head, it came at a very low point, I was doubting everything we were doing . Your reassurance of tough love kept me going.
Thank you x
Hi Phoenix...I am finding giving advice easier than following it in some cases. I am still gamble free but still hiding away from telling my partner.....I am working on that though.
I do speak to my mum about it non stop. She comes on here at times...im sure she will have gone through a lot of the feelings you have as there was loads of times when I was gambling heavily that I didn't speak to anyone at all. I would always end up running back when I had hit what I thought was rock bottom again.
I see you mention your son being immature....something my counsellor said to me was that people say that when you have an addiction to something you stop maturing. I can fully relate to that...I am 36 years old, have 2 kids and when I am in a room of people I feel like a child at times. That is one thing I am working on as I move forward. Time to grow up.
Hi Damo
You know better than anyone recovery from addiction is a long process and isnt always a straight line.
I agree telling your partner is something you need to work on, for their benefit and yours, but you're not burying your head in the sand and know its to be sorted.
Your mum must find it so reassuring that you can talk to her, you've taken a huge weight off her shoulders just doing that .Im hoping that one day my son feels he can come and talk to me.
X
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