Absolutely no self control

Welcome back Rosie,

You can do this if you really want to, you have already reached nearly 12 months, of being gamble free, so that is an amazing achievement, keep hold of that to keep you thinking positive.

Online slots are soo easy to access, we don't even have to leave our home, and we can gamble on our phones, laptops, computers, IPads, even on the TV (with all the internet ones around now)

Time to get 100% tough now with this addiction, and it's time now to be kind to you:))

The triangle is an essential tool, it needs to be broken and kept broken at all times, it's impossible to play then.

This can be a very dangerous and self destructive addiction/illness, that does progress when we are active.

Was it greed that turned you back to gambling, or was it this addiction, sneaking back in because you had barriers wide open.??

This addiction lies through its teeth,it tells you, you will win money, it wants you to think you are greedy for more money, but the

reality is it just wants to bleed you dry, mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. the money is not the issue, your well being is.

I wish you the very best on your new journey, don't be too hard on yourself, one day at a time is the sure way forwards, with every barrier and blocks in place,

Take care, keep strong and keep safe

Suzanne xx

Thank you Suzanne for your supportive words.
Like many on this site, when I'm in a rational frame of mind, I hate gambling, online slots and everything associated with this sleazy habit. You are right about the barriers being down and complacency setting in. As CG's we have to be on the ball and aware at all times, if that guard is down then the ultimate will happen.
I haven't had much sleep in fact what little I had was very disturbed. But, I'm up and about now and have to speak to my long suffering husband and explain how our joint bank account is yet again drained to a bare minimum. I do wonder how much more he can take of this and even though I know he absolutely loves me to bits and has done his best to support me, even he must have a threshold of tolerance. I think deep down I know I am exploiting his generosity and love but sometimes I feel absolutely helpless in trying to overcome this awful addiction. Over the years he has forgiven me time after time. I just want to be able to stop and learn to live with what I have which on a monthly basis is quite a good amount. It's all these debts I'm paying month in and out that I think just get me down and I'm looking for the easy way out.
Well, tomorrow is day 1 without a gamble, my aim is to get to 50 days to start with as I know I would have passed 2 more pay day's by then and then I will set another target.
I will also start a recover diary which I know in the past has helped me to stay focused.
Please wish me well in my recovery and I pray for a out there who are continuing to suffer at the hands of this despicable illness.
Rosie x

I live in the South West now and used to attend GA in the Midlands.
Have just had some advice from another GA member who advised a different GA group may offer a different aspect and possibly other female members with a similar addiction. Can anybody advise on meetings for GA around the Bristol area and date's and times too. Many thanks

I've just started a 'recovery diary' too... I've never tried this before.

Are you just focusing on gambling in your diary or are you using it for other tings too?

I'm trying to come on here every day becuase, like you... I got compacent with my not gambling. It might seem a bit harsh but reading about the anguish that others are suffering today, reminds me of the anguish I suffered before and hopefully reading other peoples stories who are in the moment will help me not do it again.

Hi JS85
My intention is to mainly focus on my gambling or hopefully my abstinence from it.
I really need to keep focused on learning to live without feeling the need to gamble despite it not being on my mind every minute of the day. It's a dreadful hangover we suffer after the event and if I can start to get past pay day again without a hint of an urge I will be over the moon.
I hate feeling like I have done today and I really need to understand why I think gambling with all my hard earned money is going to make me rich. That's the stupid dreamworld we live in. I really need to break the time, money, location cycle and learn to live with and appreciate what I have.
I'm starting my diary tomorrow so I can say day 1 (again) without a gamble and the aim is to get to day 50.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and sincerely hope we can beat this horrendous addiction. I will follow your diary and hopefully you will notice a change as I start to embrace recovery o a positive note.
Best wishes.
Rosie x

Hi

​Rosie

Bristol has 2 meetings one on Saturdays morning who I'm sure have a female member regularly attending & one on Tuesday which also has female members. Gloucester also has two meetings both of which ate well attended by female members. Check the GA website for times.

Dan

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Just checked Bristol Tuesday & it seems that unfortunately they have no female members at present. If you wish to attend Bristol Saturday email Tom, the address is on the meeting info on GA website

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Hi Rosie

My situation is very similar to yours, I am a professional, I earn about the same as you do and my most recent gambling addiction has been to slots. Things for me came to a head on Saturday (having blown £2000 on Friday) when I managed to reverse withdrawals of £1000 and then spend a further £500, a horrifying amount of money to lose in 2 days. I finally admitted my problem to my partner who was initially totally shocked and a little angry but who has been nothing but supportive ever since. On that day I cancelled my credit card and my debit card, all I have now is a cash card. I also begin counselling today which will involve CBT. It is a soul destroying addiction, I am controlled in every other facet of my life. I am determined to beat this and we can hopefully both prove that it can be done

Take care and stay strong

Thank you to all who have replied to my comments and requests for info. I really appreciate everything that anybody can suggest to support my recovery. Thanks to day@atime and GoodKarma. Also GoodKarma, it does sound like we are both in a very similar place at the moment. Online slots are vicious, all the fancy graphics and happy tunes are just a front to an inane pre fixed set of numbers controlled by a greedy individual/group who are transferring our hard earned cash into financing their own luxurious lifestyle, they are probably sitting at a screen laughing their sordid little heads off thinking oh great, here's another mug!! Well no more, we have to stop funding them because we will never win. I know because all the time I have been going to GA i.e. 7 years now, I have never met a rich gambler, I'm not saying they are not out there but if they're rich now, eventually they will end up in GA or 6 feet under. Again I have won not far off £250k in the last 7 years and am still £22k in debt. Believe me that is a vast improvement as at one stage I was over£100k in debt and with the help of a DMP have managed to get as debt free as this. I really don't want to get into that situation again and this time am absolute determined to stay free of all gambling. Every day we don't gamble, we win, it's as simple as that. The problem is not having access to any online sites and making sure all sources of access are protected. Today, I am starting my recovery diary and hope you will follow my recovery. I've abstained for long periods before so know it's achievable and I sincerely hope GoodKarma we can beat this despicable habit for good. It's down to us to make this work so good luck and best wishes. If you're starting a diary I will definitely follow you and support you as best I can in your recovery. Take care and take one day at a time and above all be honest to yourself and your partner otherwise the ultimate will happen. Rosie x

Hi Rosie

Totally agree with all that you have said, I am sure vast sums of money are spent by the casinos on studying the psychology of gambling and making sure people keep coming back

I haven't gambled a single penny since last Saturday, my finances are now in some semblance of order and although my monthly loan payments are fairly substantial if I manage to stay away then they will be cleared in 11 months. The closeness with my partner has returned and I have spent the week reflecting on the emotional investment I made in gambling and the futility of it all. I hope I can stay strong and I sincerely hope that you can too I began CBT on Thursday and I think it will help me on my journey

Stay strong x