Advice for someone new.

Hi, I have been on and off this site for about a year now, I tend to come back here when I have suffered a major loss. (last nite I lost money I could not afford to - lets just say thousands) . I have been in self-denial, because I have believed for the past six years I could retrieve what I have lost or at least gamble and pay part of my bills through gambling, well I can't. Today I can just about function, life to-day seems worthless, I have wasted a life times savings, I have lied to everyone who loves me, and I know I don't deserve that love. Why did I turn to gambling as a euphoric crutch.? This life of gambling over the past six years is destroying me, so I say John read this and don't gamble, I like you have no food till pay day on Friday. This is such a sad place to be in.

Hi JohnCA, welcome to the Forum; i'm sorry that you are experiencing what you are my friend.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. In that time, I lost two homes, two partners, all my material possessions and spent/got into debt to the tune of £350,000

A lot of people come here hoping to find some magical technique or words that will suddenly make it easier for them to cope without gambling in their lives. Sadly, they don't exist my friend - the only thing that can help you is time, time without gambling - as each day passes, the urges lessen, and they become almost non-existent after a time.

It's a case of "riding the storm" and getting through to the next day, or the next hour, when the urge has passed. This is what you need to address - not the gambling itself, but the moment before you are about to start because you have some element of self-control then; once you start, you spiral into oblivion and the consequences are not apparent until you stop, where reality hits you like a freight train.

Things are bad for you and my heart goes out to you; remember this time - nothing is worth feeling this way, no winnings, not even if you won back every single penny you lost because all it would do is drive you towards playing again.

You have done the right thing by coming here my friend. You can build on this and start to take a different path in life - if there are gaps left by gambling, plug them with genuine, fulfilling activities and interests; since stopping, I write, go hiking, sing, so charity work and so much more.

I wish you well my friend. Compulsive gamblers are generally not patient people by nature, but you have to be, you have to learn to be because there is no other way.

JamesP