I don't know where to start.... i have been with my other half for 8 years we have 3 kids 1 with him 2 with a previous partner ( unheathy relationship) i had suffered for years with anxiety and depression and adapting to being a young mum.
I started online bingo sites years ago and all was fine gradually started to spend that little bit more but nothing you could class as an additction.
I found out that my other half had been taking cocain and i didnt know about it until months after and i became angry and resentful as i was/aam very anti-drugs and i felt he didnt give me the right to accept this or leave him and end the relationship, on a few occasions he didn't come home which ended in me having severe panic attacks.
My only release/ escape was my online slots/bingo it made me feel alive it became more frequent with that bit more money, this has been happening for 7 years now and worsened over the last 4.
My partner left me 2 months ago because of it, it got worse.... he came back 2 weeks ago n it is still just as bad.
I joined here last night because i know id done wrong this week and was worried he will leave me again so it was to pretend like i was looking for help/ to stop but it was ANOTHER LIE, i have just sat with him and told him this, told him the truth and that i didnt want to stop i was doing it to keep him on side (shameful i know).
However since i joined i have been reading peoples posts about their lives and their addiction andthe posts from other people who are being affected and i am realizing that i am wanting change i want this night mare to stop my brain is numb, i have NO life, my partner has been drug free for years now but nothing has changed for me just got worse i feel like i cant love anything or anyone i have lost the connection with my 3 beautiful precious babies i feel like i have lost years of my life like i have been swollowed into a black hole and i can see a glimmer of light but cannot get to it, i feel id be doing everyone a favour if i just give up on everything but i dont even have the courage to do that im a coward and feel like poison that everything around me gets destroyed, Please no hurtful comments as nobody can say anything that i havent started to realize already, thanks all a broken mum and partner x
I'd ask another question if you answer yes to the first. Are you willing to accept help?
If so contact Gamcare, get some counselling. Find your nearest GA meeting.
They have booked me for a phone consultation at 11am tomorrow to arrange counselling so i'm going to give it a good go
Quick answer Dan. 🙂
Keep giving it thought. Tri
ive been on here pretty much 2 days straight lol i thought i was '' the only one '' the more i have read and learned the more i do want to stop 🙂 just have to try be strong and positive and take one step at a time 🙂
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