Can’t live with the guilt

Hi ameliasgran. Takes courage to admit what you're thinking I hope that writing it down takes some of the power out of the thoughts and feelings. 26 days is really good as the days start turning into weeks ....months you will start to feel better. I do, much better happier..calmer..more stable hope that's what happens for you . Take it easy on yourself and keep going forward

@ameliasgran There is an answer. By sharing your problem you aren't dumping it on someone else as it sounds like you have a plan and in a few months you'll be financially sound again. 

Do you think your husband would rather find you after a suicide, successful or not, rather than help you through what is a very tough time for you?

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Honesty is the first step in getting help. Honest with yourself and honest with loved ones. All a secret does is eat away at your sanity, your ability to live normally and your mind as you have to keep remembering the lies you've told over the days, months or years.

I'm not saying that I know how he will react but for your sake you need to be honest. Consider the alternative and it's not a pretty option.

Please don't say you can't though. Be honest with yourself and say you won't. 

Well done for writing something down though, that's better than acting upon your feelings.

Chris.

Hi Ameliasgran. I personally think it will be really difficult to beat this disease without honesty. Tell him everything. And tell him what your plans are to get better. When partner confessed to me, he told me all the things he has in place so he won’t gamble again. Was i destroyed when he confessed? Absolutely. My world turned upside down. We were to get married in 3 months when he told me. I was crying for days. I couldn’t concentrate at work. I was mostly hurt when he told me about the lies and deceit. But when i saw that he was determined to beat the addiction, i supported him in his abstinence/recovery. He is now more than 6 months gamble free and he is doing the 12 step programme in GA.

He said one of the things that really helped was when he decided to come clean to me. I wish you all the best.

Dear @ameliasgran , 

Thank you for posting on the Forum and sharing your story. I would like to say firstly, well done for reaching 26 days being gamble free and for dealing with the tough task of sorting your finances. Both achievements can be difficult, so you should be feeling really proud. 

We understand that having "that" conversation with a loved one can be a daunting experience but we're often told that people feel a sense of relief once they have shared. 

Have you considered talking with your GP regarding the loss of sleep you're experiencing?  Addiction is often linked to depression and/or anxiety, and the fact that you're trying to carry this by yourself will only add to you feeling so low. 

Please get in touch with us on the helpline (0808 802 0133) or on the Netline as we would like the opportunity to offer you some support especially if you do have further thoughts of suicide. We are available for 24 hours a day, every day of the week. Alternatively, you can contact The Samaritans on 116 123. 

I see you have already received some advice and support from other Forum users which hopefully will allow you to know, you're never alone. We are always here to help. 

I wish you all the very best.

Keely.

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