Here I am now, day 1.
I'm 34, been gambling for over 15 years and probably over the course of my life time lost 150k.
I have relapsed and remitted many times with various tools to help me but clearly haven't succeeded yet as I have just relapsed again. I'm now 20k back on debt.
This is the first time I am reaching out to fellow addicts as I feel we are kindred spirits trapped in this nightmare and only we can understand the pain and pull each other up. Here is my strategy:
1. Forgive myself (very hard thing to do)
2. Consolidate my debt and devise payoff strategy - I'm now looking at 40 months of solid graft
3. Once payment strategy in place, forget your debt - place it to the bottom of your worries - there is no quick fix - and 40 months is nothing if I plan to live another 400 months.
4. Make friends and be on this forum regularly.
5. Reduce access to gambling - before I used to self exclude which was very effective but my latest gambling style is impossible to self exclude from, incredibly easy to access and takes money very quickly. Hopefully I can just minimise exposure.
6. Take up hobbies, get health, spend time with my loved ones and realise the true beauty and riches of life are there.
My email is [email protected] - if you want to make friends I'm here.
Welcome aboard mate.
Your post is brilliant, love your strategy.
Be strong and you WILL beat this
Thank you - I'm on this forum about 3 times an hour at the moment just to keep my mind from sadness.
We can do it, I would love to be day 15! Well done!
Hi Junebug
Forgiving yourself is easy, providing that you do not continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. In my experience the two most important elements of your recovery are 5 and 6. I am unclear as to why you cannot prevent access to gambling but this is a big priority and more likely a necessity. Gambling is a highly addictive activity and admitting to myself that I was an addict helped me understand my urges and plan a way forward. The power of this addiction is not to be underestimated and it was many months before I could confidently claim to have broken my dependency completely. Both recent academic and medical research and opinion supports the highly addictive nature of regular gambling.
It is now over two years since I last gambled and I cannot change the past, so concentrate on making the most of today and tomorrow. I talk to many people trying to overcome gambling addiction as I regularly attend GA; however GA has it's limitations and is not for everyone and there is no one size fits all solution - if only it were that simple. It will be as much down to your own fortitude and strength of character as anything else.
I wish you well
Ken
Hey thanks ken - my current gamble is on stock market with a highly addictive fast payout big loss bets. The problem is these aren't classified gambling sites and don't have self exclusion options or even set deposit limits. And it's in mobile and in a click of a button your a few thousand down.
It's highly highly dangerous - my only option is to give up my smart phone but that is essential for my work and communicating with those around me.
Any other ideas on how to self exclude here would he great if not its purely will power that I have to go on.
There is software available that will allow you to block categories of websites or specific websites, if necessary. It will almost certainly require someone else setting the password for you, but this is a minor issue. For the short term you can ditch your smart phone for a while and come up with an excuse as to why you cannot use it: Us gamblers are generally pretty imaginative when it comes to excuses and explanations. It might just give you a little breathing space, a temporary measure.
In my experience will power can only get you so far. Urges will occur at some point, I can guarantee, and it is like the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object.......something will have to give. I can say with absolute certainty that without certain blocks and barriers in place, I would not have got to where I am today.
I have dropped you a quick email.
All the best
Ken
Agreed ken - self exclusion is a massive help. The problem is that these are apps one downloads and I have not come across a way to prevent you accessing them other then relinquish the phone.
I'm actually going abroad for two weeks soon (luckily already paid for) and it may be perfect opportunity to leave phone behind.
If anyone knows how to block app downloads and Internet websites on android I'd be very grateful
Day 13
Still no bet but bar the odd moment today has been my worst day by a mile on my road to recovery.
Seems like I'm having obstacle after obstacle put in my way, every small thing turning into a crisis.
Like I can't be happy.
Tomorrow's another day.
Hey you so bad? What happened today that upset you?
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