Does it get any easier?

Yes the shame and guilt has been experienced by many. With time it gets easier to handle but it of course depends on where you are in the process. A very good therapist talked about the bird phoenix . The story is this, ancient Greeks and Egyptians described a mythical bird called the Phoenix, a magnificent creature that was a symbol of renewal and rebirth. According to legend, each Phoenix lived for 500 years, and only one Phoenix lived at a time. Just before its time was up, the Phoenix built a nest and set itself on fire. Then, a new Phoenix would rise from the ashes.

The point is that we all go through rough experiences before we change and hopefully get better. From this point you need to have some faith that new and good things are just beginning not ending. Talk to people. See a therapist. we al need help in thinking better and cbt is a good therapy form to chose.

I wish you well

Best

C

Ive heard stepchange are brilliant for sorting debts...... and one amount coming out each month instead of dealing with lots of different lenders etc..

Once the trust is built again and youve shown strength of changing then it will be a lot better thru the adivce of other on here in the past.

Change of lifestyle needed. show u mean business, stay positive and build.....this can be the start of sometihng great a new you.....

Adam

To simply answer the headline not really ......especially when there is debt involved 

As someone who has battled gambling addiction for 15 years and seen countless tales of woe and relapse on this forum i'm not entirely sure "easy" is a word that can ever be associated with gambling addiction recovery 

To give you some perspective i went into an IVA in 2015 Came out in 2020 my credit score is still not great but it is improving and i do have access to credit but it has been seven hard years of slog 

I do have the gambling under control now but it is certainly always in the background lurking waiting to pounce on any weakness 

@philallen1984 The answer to that depends on you. It can all get easier or it can be a daily struggle, or it can get worse. The work you put in determines the rest of your relationship.
All advice should come from experience so this is mine. Back in 2007 after once again getting mysellf and family into debt, losing a job and getting into debt with the company, I think I lost my mind. I wore two different shoes to work the day I was sacked, I just didn't realise it. I was kicked out again because I had done the same thing time and time before, always promising but always going back at it. My GA attendance was for others and I didn't really want to stop. I started a new job, which I had lined up before I was sacked and something clicked. I attended GA every week, I repaid my previous debt to the company, I had my wages paid into my wifes account and together we paid bills, moved money to wherever it had to be moved to, and had my allowance. I was back home, I was honest, I was driving 45 minutes each way to attend GA, and it all got easier. Our relationship, our finances, our life. The thing was that it wasn't even about the money, although that was a massive factor, but it was the trust that my wife had lost in me. I had to work really hard with my honesty, I made sure I did what I said, that I was where I was meant to be, and because I wasn't gambling, it was actually easy to do.

I gave over my money, I was honest, I attended GA without fail. No excuses. Together we had the best life, a huge change from the previous five years. 

For me, GA is the answer. The advice and power I get from attending makes it easier than doing it on my own. Doing it on my own before I white knuckled it and when something in life came along that I couldn't deal with, I always found gambling again. Why put yourself through it when you can have a group of people around you to help?

I will highlight one more time something which gets missed. Regarding your wife, it's not necessarily about the money. It's the trust. Can she trust you? Have you talked to her? Quite rightly she is feeling angry and it might take some time to heal, but you can help her by putting the work in(which isn't really a great deal of work).

As far as debts were concerned, I called every company, I went through a repayment plan, the interest was frozen, and eventually it was clear. 

Hope that helps,

Chris.

Posted by: @c43h

Yes the shame and guilt has been experienced by many. With time it gets easier to handle but it of course depends on where you are in the process. A very good therapist talked about the bird phoenix . The story is this, ancient Greeks and Egyptians described a mythical bird called the Phoenix, a magnificent creature that was a symbol of renewal and rebirth. According to legend, each Phoenix lived for 500 years, and only one Phoenix lived at a time. Just before its time was up, the Phoenix built a nest and set itself on fire. Then, a new Phoenix would rise from the ashes.

The point is that we all go through rough experiences before we change and hopefully get better. From this point you need to have some faith that new and good things are just beginning not ending. Talk to people. See a therapist. we al need help in thinking better and cbt is a good therapy form to chose.

I wish you well

Best

C

Thank you for your reply.

that’s a great analogy which resonated with me. I know I can recover, not with ease, but I can do it as I’m a determined person. 

it’s just the finances I’m gutted about. Most of my life Iv either not been paid well or overspent and never saved. So after the last time I gambled and got into debt I was determined that would change and it did I made it happen and I was proudly saving as well as being financially better than I ever have been and Iv literally undone all that and more within 5 months I just need to get my head around that aspect and accept what is done is done and not dwell but it’s hard I just sit here and think constantly if only there was a reset button. 

@adam123 thanks for the reply it’s much appreciated.

it’s good to know your doing well and you have shared your experience it’s very reassuring I just can’t stop dwelling on what Iv done and how much Iv got to do over so much time. I have no issue in doing it by all means but I’m just gutted Iv let myself do it so stupidly 

@chris-uk thanks it means a lot.

As Iv mentioned in some reply’s I’m really dwelling on the damage Iv caused and the upset Iv bought on everyone. I’m a kind bloke who would do anything for anyone and loyal but I can’t help thinking I’m such a bad person and in my mind I’m punishing myself. Not allowing myself to smile because I have nothing to smile about or I don’t deserve to that sort of stuff if that makes sense. I know feeling like this doesn’t change the feelings my wife has for me right now but it kind of stupidly justifies me punishing myself to not allow myself to get away with it. It’s a weird feeling and one I can’t simply easily describe writing down so I probably haven’t described it as well as I’d like. 

im just fearful of the future overall. Marriage, my kids, my financial future. Iv never considered contacting my creditors because I’d just assume they wouldn’t be able to do anything. What sort of options are available if I contact directly? Because Iv automatically contacted payplan and assumed a DMP is the only way out of this debt. 

mid be grateful of any further info on your situation in that aspect and I’m glad to hear you have found better behaviours to prevent you from gambling. Iv recently asked for a referral for counselling/ therapy through this site as I need to try and at least fathom out what’s triggered me to do this to this extent. 

@philallen1984 Payplan were a good company, they actually allowed me to set up a repayment plan which was affordable. I had to give them everything and they contacted companies for me and agreed a monthly repayment. I didn’t do an IVA though as too much went to the organising company, I just paid pay plan an NBC amount and they distributed it to each creditor.

when I have done it myself, I called each company I had debts with, be it a loan or payday loan, explained the situation and all the interest was frozen and a repayment schedule was agreed.

It was a way for me to take ownership of my problem.

I believe in putting the gambling down first, get your head clear, and then if you want to look at triggers then do. Personally I don’t think it’s important to know why we gamble, it’s something in some of us that we’ve nurtured over the years and now it’s an addiction. Something that might help you is to go into the GA website and take a look under literature. Download the orange(questions and answers about gambler’s anonymous) and blue(towards the first 90 days) books, just as a starter. 
It might give you some answers you’re looking for.

Chris.