I ruined my relationship

Hi all,

Just joined and the pain is fresh. My girlfriend found out I still gamble and she has decided to leave me because she feels betrayed and like she can't trust me. I did close all my online bingo accounts last time we argued but I convinced myself a few quid here and there on scratchcards and lotto etc was ok and I thought she'd understand and believe i have control and beaten the worst of it. I was wrong, she will not tolerate any gambling at all because she believes it leads to bigger forms of gambling. She is right of course. I walked a stupidly dangerous path and I put my feelings above her fears and I am ashamed of myself. I feel sick, my heart is breaking and I can't cope without her. Life is already so difficult for us as we are in a long distance relationship.  I live in Wales and she lives in Italy and we can only afford to meet once a year. I was doing so much better this time saving money to see her in August but now she cancelled her plane tickets. I am devastated! I only gambled what I could afford and only because of the situation we are in. I believed if I won enough we could get married and live together. Otherwise I cannot afford it. We have survived over 6 years and been kept apart because of our circumstances and I just thought I had more chance to win than save for years to afford to live together. I was wrong. My risk cost me everything. I sold my heart for a few quid. I lost my love for a lotto ticket. A lie cost me her trust...she will never trust me again. I wanted to put things right. I feel I have really learnt my lesson this time and I need to be strong and stop it all. Even if I can't prove it to her I have to prove it to myself or I lie to myself and I fail. Everything she said about me is true if I don't make the start now. I believe in myself.  So here I am...day one 20/06/26