Sharing
We all talk about sharing in this space and it's incredibly important as a 2 way scenario. Gamblers help gamblers hence the whole system of peer support in this community. Who better to understand than someone with lived experience
We often talk about gratitude to write or say out loud what we are grateful for but today I would like to be grateful for some vulnerability. I go to a GA meeting online or in person every day. Last night and tonight ls meetings aren't the place to share this due to the protocol of the meetings. What better place to share it than here in this community.
I've had another big week of self reflection which I find incredibly useful
The first thing I wanted to share was about my confidence. So, people that know me think I am confident and I've asked this question recently. I have no confidence at all but gambling gave me that confidence. I recognise that I've never liked to be pulled out of the crowd and instead just mingle. What I'm coming to believe is that I had an air of some from of confidence because I didn't care what people thought...I was always right. So in recovery, I am learning acceptance that other people's thoughts are their own and not mine to judge or be hurt by. So what is confidence ? Am I not confident, simply because I worry what people will think ? If I can accept others then surely I will have true confidence in my own worth. I'm petrified of sharing even though I've done it in over 300 meetings. That's because I'm worried about being judged or not saying the right thing. Getting better but it still takes a lot of pushing.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to share something else. I've always thought I turned to gambling at 12 because I was lonely and wanted friends. I started in arcades with hundreds of people around, then went to casinos and bookmakers with less people finally ending up by myself online. So the question I self reflect on which I find a useful tool is, did I turn to gambling to get friends or was it a coping mechanism to cope with being lonely and happy that myself is enough ?
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