Don't know what to do

Feel embarrassed and weak that I've got myself in this situation, don't know who to turn to or how to get myself out of this mess

hi steady 64 , welcome to the forum and recovery its so hard sometimes and the bug has really ripped through you , like me and many others you just got to accept defeat mate and try and deal with the consequences but learn from them , r u still working ? do you have regulary money coming in ? u pay debts bit by bit and go into recovery , it is possible we got to believe or we end up in the abyss

Hi steady, I'm the same as u been gambling twenty odd years, was in 20k of debt ten years ago and now ten years later still owning 17k from gambling again. Never seem to get anywhere the only way we can sort this out is by stopping gambling and paying it off and just put your debt to the back off your mind. It will come down if we don't gamble. Yes we owe alot, but if u look around us it doesn't really change much of our life everything goes on as normal, so just forget about wat u owe and if we don't gamble we will start to feel better about everything.

Hi steady, I'm the same as u been gambling twenty odd years, was in 20k of debt ten years ago and now ten years later still owning 17k from gambling again. Never seem to get anywhere the only way we can sort this out is by stopping gambling and paying it off and just put your debt to the back off your mind. It will come down if we don't gamble. Yes we owe alot, but if u look around us it doesn't really change much of our life everything goes on as normal, so just forget about wat u owe and if we don't gamble we will start to feel better about everything.

Steady forgot to ask how old r u. I'm in my fourties now so if ur alot younger, just don't make the same mistakes as me still getting nowhere twenty years later. It hasn't ruined me, got a nice house wife and kids. Nearly split me and the wife a few years ago but we're ok now. She doesn't no about my latest episode but I'm hoping to pay off the debt and not do it again without causing anyone any harm.we just Ave to put it all behind us but never forget the pain because I know I've been to some dark places and at the end of the day it's just money were after but it doesn't really make that special difference in our lives even if we've got it, family and friends do.

Steady forgot to ask how old r u. I'm in my fourties now so if ur alot younger, just don't make the same mistakes as me still getting nowhere twenty years later. It hasn't ruined me, got a nice house wife and kids. Nearly split me and the wife a few years ago but we're ok now. She doesn't no about my latest episode but I'm hoping to pay off the debt and not do it again without causing anyone any harm.we just Ave to put it all behind us but never forget the pain because I know I've been to some dark places and at the end of the day it's just money were after but it doesn't really make that special difference in our lives even if we've got it, family and friends do.

I'm in my early thirties, and yes I still have a job and regular income and my debts are being paid but then I gamble my wages and the debt just keeps on increasing. I just don't know how I can bring the subject up with my girlfriend she will be heartbroken, also my family don't need the strain of something like this. It's making me ill just thinking about it

It's up to u mate how u play it. I did tell my wife about it ten years ago because I couldn't take it anymore I needed to. But on the other hand if u can stop and get your debts down then maybe nobody needs to know. I know this time I've lost about another 5k alot of money but in twelve months that will be nearly paid off, so aslong as I don't do it again it's not worth me upsetting her, but yes if I was stupid and got into deep then would Ave no choice. But I do seem to pull back from it before I can't afford to live a normal life because of it.the calls yours, when I told my wife she stayed with me and even when I did it again a few times she still stuck by me, luckily enough it hasn't effected r life to much had holidays with kids, got a nice house and things we need, wish u the best of luck with wat everdecide. I know alot of people here say it's best to be honest. But I'm not sure about that it depends on alot of things,like how deep init u are,whether u can quit by yourself, things like that. Sometimes the truth can destroy everything u have. If u can quit and stay quitted u Ave a chance.

i have never seen people who continue to be dishonest do too well in staying stopped. The truth never destroyed anything except the denial you continue to live in

Hi Steady, welcome to recovery 🙂

I have to disagree with the advice about keeping this to yourself, if you could stop alone you would have done so & addiction thrives on secrecy! I'm sorry to hear about your Father & agree that he doesn't need to know but your girlfriend does! All the time you are gambling, you are effectively cheating on her because she's not getting honesty! Get yourself to GA, phone the helpline & book some counselling so you can show her what you are doing to help yourself & just suck it up & come clean. Hopefully she will stand by you & help you put up barriers to get your gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you can't gamble) broken & stop you physically doing it! It's very hard to move forward & will take guts & determination on your behalf but it won't make you sick like gambling is doing!

We cannot win because we cannot stop but when we stop, we win everyday!

You can do this - ODAAT

Steady - I found it hard to read your post as it was very similar to my own tale. I told my family but couldn't tell them about my relapses. It's personal choice but telling people is the best option I reckon... it makes gambling harder. Gambling is so bad. It ruins lives. You've got to move on. I'm on day 68 now on about my 5th attempt. Doing much better but still take it a day at a time.

Thanks everyone I've told my family and my girlfriend tonight. She's gone to her mum and dads to think about everything. Everyone is understandably upset and angry with me. Still don't know what to do but glad it's all come out, it was making me ill keeping it all in, I will never gamble again now I know the hurt I have caused.

I hope it's gets better from here, everyone is really upset at the moment I hope we can ll move on from this.

Hi, Steady,

At least you've told her, it's out in the open. I hope she can come to terms with it but whatever happens, real recovery for you depends on your future honesty. There's no such thing as recovery based on continuing lies. And a relationship based on lies is no good, either. You did what you had to do in telling, it can't have been easy, hold on to the fact that you have done the right thing.

My husband didn't and it made it all much worse. I also think that it's harder for him to recover.

All you can do now is show her and keep showing her what you are doing to overcome the problem. Self exclude, block computers, lose your smartphone, lose your visa, hand over full financial control. Get external help from GA and GamCare.

Wish you well,

CW