First post .....I've had this problem for around 8 years now but only admitted it around 3 years ago I don't know why I do it I have a lovely caring partner and the two best kids in the world so why? Today is day 2 after losing everything and crying to my partner like a little girl again on the 28th I'm now another 1500 lighter and the lowest I have ever felt wondering how to pay the bills. I didn't gamble for thirteen months got myself in really good shape by becoming addicted to running instead done the great north run and finished 750th out of over 50,000 a great achievement for me after training hard we became fine financially for the first time ever and were doing well on the run up to Christmas then one Saturday morning two weeks after the run whilst at work I went into the bookies and put 300 on city to beat Fulham out of nowhere sure enough it lost welcome back ste the gambler you all know what from October until now has been for me so I won't bore you with details. My partner is sticking by me again even after I told her to take the kids and go because they are better off without me and it will only happen again she said she is scared to leave me because of what will happen to me and it will also kill the boys. I have become somebody I'm not and somebody I hate I have no friends anymore really I'm telling lies to my sick father and destroying everybody around me I think if I got hit by a truck right now it would not even hurt that's how empty I feel anyway going to go back to ga this which is amazing for your recovery by the way as that was what made me do 13 months going to try and find that addicted runner as he's a good man who doesn't lie or hurt people and is happy with the perfect little life he has got.....thanks.
Hi Ste,
Sorry to hear how bad you are feeling in yourself....been there, done that, know the whole horrible experience and the horrendous emotions that go with it....BUT, well done on confronting your issues and please have faith in yourself that you stayed gambling free for 13 months...you can do it again for good! Believe in yourself, you are only human and this is a horrible addiction...anyone can slip at any time. THe thing is to get back up again and try.
I know this will be feeling like such a bleak and desperate time for you but turn it on it's head. Yes you had a slip, but more important you are confronting that and willing to start again. You are AWARE that you need to go back to go back to GA and furthermore that it worked for you...that in itself is great right there, that you have something that you know can and does work for you.
It's never too late to start over again, you did it before and you can do it now.
Think of the positives, you have a loving and understanding partner, 2 best kids as you called hem yourself and you will get great support here...you don't have to do it alone.
I am in a place right now where I am kicking myself big time for a slip after staying gambling free for 3 months....those 3 months meant the world to me as it was the longest I had gone gambling free for years.
Unfortunatley I had a slip but I won....that would make some people very happy, and believe me we are talking big money here that I won...4 thousand.....
It actually terrified me Ste because I haven't had that much money in a long time....I did a little out of it but guess what? I lost most of it back in the month that followed. Why? How? These are questions I have asked myself over and over. I feel cr** about it all and at the time of winning it I told myself it was one slip and wouldn't happen again and that I would put the money to good use and also save some for an emergency.
Man I've been to hell and back these past weeks, BUT I've had to let it go...it's been my biggest loss but I know if I go back to try to chase that luck again, the likelihood is all I will achieve is continuous losses.
So ground zero nothing to lose, onwards and upwards Ste and I am with ye my friend.
We can do this...the bills will get paid, we will survive and eventually we will be ok again and realise that the best thing we've done is stay away from gambling. It's not just the financial loss which is bad enough but look at what it does to us mentally and even physically and also it will continue to get worse if we proceed with it and will affect the people we love around us too and our relationships.
We can get healthy habits in practice, you have your running.
Stay strong my friend and believe that however empty you feel right now nothing stays the same.,..things WILL feel better just give it the time.
All the very best to you!
Alannah.
Thanks alannah,.....really helps to talk to people who know first hand what I'm going through in these hard times and well done for going three months doesn't it feel great when you don't gamble things just look more colourful if you like. i was winning all last week up quite a bit and like you done some nice things with the family in the school holidays then low and behold I'm skint again wondering about bills I'm also going to tell everybody that doesn't already know exactly what I am because I've never done that before I'm hoping getting some stick of some people will help can't wait to go to ga again tom I love people's stories they leave me in disbelief and shock but when I think about it I've done all the things they have and that's what Made me stop before I think I was scared of everything I was becoming or should I say became keep in touch and stay strong
Hi Ste
Welcome to the forum. Might be best if you start your own recovery diary and you can plot your success as you go. Remember recovery is a journey and not a destination. We are in no rush to get anywhere we just need to enjoy a different way of life. The cash you have lost is part of you and you need to own those feelings. They will go as you get yourself straight. Try self excluding from your usual gambling haunts it works.
Keep reading and posting
Take care
Thanks smiler appreciate the advice
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