Not sure if anyone can help me. I am the mum of a 27 year old who is struggling to recognise the scale of his gambling problem, is determined he doesn't need help to sort it out and then keeps failing, therfore feeling even worse about himself. He drinks to hide from it. I am trying to support him but he pushes me away. I feel helpless and a failure, even 'though my head tells me he is responsible for himself and his life choices. It is breaking my heart to see what gambling is doing to him and his relationship with his girfriend.
Hi Alison unfortunately you can't stop him, it sounds like he's got 2 problems, drinking and gambling. You can get help and support for yourself by calling gamcare or finding a gamanon meeting. Willpower alone isn't enough to stop and until he sees the extent of his problem it will continue. His girlfriend also needs support especially if she is enabling him. If he's sees you getting help or going to meetings it might encourage him to.
Sorry to hear what’s going on but the only way that your life is going to change is if you start regular AlAnon and GamAnon meetings. The same applies to his GF. You can go together or separately.
Meetings will teach you how to live your life without enabling but also you going and or the GF going states the existence of a problem.
Keep your focus on you.
CW
Hi Alison,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for your posts.
I can understand your anxiety and frustration regarding your son’s denial of his gambling problem, and I do empathise with your situation. Since your son is not admitting to having gambling problem, he’s making it difficult for himself to get the necessary help and support that he requires to overcome his gambling problem, and this is affecting everyone close to him especially you (his mum).
Do keep encouraging him to contact us for help, and we are ready to support him every step of the way if he’d follow our advice on strategies.
We can even refer him for counselling if that would bring positive outcome to his gambling problem, and all our services are free and confidential.
Like a fellow member stated above, try and get help and support for yourself from us, and maybe attend Gamanon meetings as well for more support. Also keep reading posts from our forum for more strategies on how to support your son.
How about calling our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers about your concerns.
Our lines are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
I wish you the best in your effort to help your son to overcome his gambling problem.
Take care, and keep posting!
Kind regards,
Beatrice
Thank you all so much. It was a great help to read these. I was in a pretty desperate place when I put this up. My son has moved on and taken his frist step. He has blocked himself from using all the online sites that he was on before. I am proud of him for that and have told him as much. He has closed accounts and is trying, but I know the temptation is strong and I am afraid to ask him how he is getting on. It feels like a betrayal of trust in him. I think he would feel hurt and get defensive. I will get some help for myself and his girlfriend who has said she would like to go somewhere. It feels like an eternal question mark deep inside me, which won't go away. "Has he really stopped?" I don't believe he can do it alone.
If you ask will you believe him? I wouldn't/didn't believe my husband. Let it go. Act on this, find a meeting. He has to do it for himself. But don't forget they will show you one thing and do the opposite in secret. Keep your finances safe. It's very difficult to do this alone. He can call gamcare or find a GA meeting. A cg needs to learn how to occupy their time with something else. Gambling is a very solitary pastime. Taking that first step and asking for help is difficult. Blocks are good to start with but don't aid recovery.
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