Hi, I’m new to the group and wanted to share my experience, I haven’t been able to share this until recently and I hope this group helps me grow and deal with my mums addiction. I’m not the only dealing with this and I would appreciate any support.
My mum has a gambling addiction, which has been problematic for the last 25 years.
I have only recently shared this to my partner of 3 years, as it’s been a family secret for 25 years. It has been too deep to share because it’s so rooted into my family. It also feels so shameful to share that both my biological parents have addictions.
I found out at around 14 years old, when my mum went missing from home for the day. My dad just said she’s gambling her wages away, which was true. I cried and cried and to be honest I still do.. everything she gambled. She loves those fruit machines you find in betting shops. I’ve found her in w**********l twice.
The problem is worse around pay day, where her biggest temptation is to take her card and hope to win money. She will gamble until she wins and when she wins she will gamble it to make more. She feels like she’s won the lottery when she wins £300 but forgets that she gambled £1000 of her wages. Altogether, she’s gambled around £50,000 over this period.
The addiction also means she lies, manipulates and steals to get her card back from us. She can pretend that she has no money or has a really important bill to pay and need the card to put money on it. She makes us out to be the bad guys until we give her the card.
I still don’t know how I cope, because all I do is hide the problem and pretend everything is okay.
When she has no money she will threaten to kill herself and occasionally I think this will put us out of our misery but I love my mum but I hate her for picking the adrenaline of winning money over my family and me.
Hello DaughterofaCG
Firstly I want to say that I am really pleased you have posted about your experiences and I hope that you will find support and kindness here on this forum.
It sounds like you have had an awful lot to deal with, and whilst you say you feel ashamed that both your biological parents have addictions, I want to stress that this is absolutely nothing that you should feel shame for. Addiction is a mental health issue, and people with mental health issues need treatment and support. Their loved ones also need support too, as being around someone with a serious mental health issue can take its toll on others. So please, if you haven't already, do call our HelpLine 24/7 on 0808 8020 133. There is plenty of help and support available for you, including free one to one tailored support, either face to face or on the phone.
Another way you may want to get some extra support is gamanon.org.uk This is the sister organisation of Gamblers Anonymous and is for family and friends, they have meetings all over the country and an online one on Sunday evenings.
You clearly love your mum, but hate the gambling and this is entirely understandable. Please continue to reach out here on the forum and any other ways you feel comfortable getting support. It is good that you have started to be able to share your experiences with others, as this is a heavy burden for you to bear alone.
Wishing you all the best
Forum Admin
Welcome DaughterofaCG
your story was a really hard read. I am so pleased that you have been able to reach out to your partner. I am a recovering CG and recognise your mum’s behaviour. She may not realise right now how lucky she is to have your love and support. Do you know if she wants to stop? Regardless of the answer you must put all of your energy into looking after yourself and reaching out to GamCare for support for you and your family. You sound as though you have done some amazing things to try to support your mum. This is a horrible addiction that can be overcome but the potential impact on families can often go unnoticed. Please take good care of yourself, access the support that Gamcare offer and if you feel like it, join the chat room that runs for an hour each day at 1pm and 8pm. You would have the chance to ask questions of recovering CGs and affected others in a safe environment with no judgement.
keep asking questions and above all take care of yourself x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
