Finding a way to start a new life that I've forgotten

Hello, I'm from a country where gambling is completely illegal. I'm disabled, so I have so much free time without many social interactions. I came to gambling due to an online game, at first, I trade 1 high valuable item to 8 smaller piece ones to put them on an online site for betting in-game items, at that time I were 16, didn't think much that I will become a gambler because of it. When I started, I won big; my items were worth 180$ at that point, but then my in-game inventory grew extremely bigger (worth $2000). Then my mom passed away before I went to the university, I stayed in depression, skip a lot of classes during my high school days, become less interact with people in the high school (friends, teachers - they were all so nice to me at that time), but the only thing I care were my betting sessions, it helped me forget the harsh reality that I were facing. One day, you already knew that, I lost all of my in-game inventory items. At least my study was solid. I received a full scholarship from a private university.

After my mom passed away and the loss of my in-game inventory, which was worth $2000, things got worse. I started to do esports betting with real money. Talking a little bit about this industry, you can see gambling ads everywhere that target young audiences like me purposely (gambling site ads on the team kits, ads from the tournament organizers, etc.). It's horrible that I couldn't care less because at that time I was still pretty young (around 20). My first real money deposit was $100 (in 2016). Unlike traditional sports, esports mechanics are complex, and you could have the upper hand with in-game knowledge. I started strong again making profits (That's the real money I've earned for the first time in my life). I lied in class that it comes from my IT job, teachers and friends admired me so much (I study even better in the university). But then, yeah, once again, I lost it all. This time, things started to hurt me. I deposited more, lost my focus on study as well, and my grades dropped a lot, even on the verge of losing the full scholarship that the university gave me. Somehow, I recovered in my studies, graduated in the top 6, but that was the last glory of my life. I graduated in the COVID-19 time, couldn't find a job at that time due to my country's lockdown. In 2019, I lost a large sum of money, which is a huge money in my country (Southeast Asia). I have never worked despite my good studies. I know I'm a failure in reality, all I have is my study reputation, never work because all I care about are my betting sessions, and go deep in esports betting with no way out. I blamed myself every time I lost money, why I didn't find a solid job (yeah, I have a disability legs, so it's harder to find a job, but I know the true problem is MYSELF, not my physical condition).

You may ask where my money comes from. Dad rewarded me for my good study (It was healthy gaming behaviour at first, I only bought in-game items, until I made THAT decision in 2015 ...). After 2019. I have still been betting until today. Months ago, I deposited $200, won big again and dropped again slightly.

Today, I really want to get out of this endless misery. Maybe I should use that money I won for my future career (buy a new computer and a new monitor, for example), but a devil part of me told me that I should bet that money on the biggest tournament this year for the game platform I use, I don't know, I could lose it all once again or I could turn it into a more money to start a new career, the urge is unreal. So, I decided to reach out to the people who have the same problem as me. I can't thank you enough if you are still reading my post. I'm really seeking advice from the people who could recover from this misery. Please help me get out of this. I want a new life that I've forgotten; any advice is welcome. Once again, thank you, GamCare community