Morning Guys, I hope that you are all well.
As I write this I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I have lied to my wife and I feel distant from my kids. I am an addict but I want to get better.
I started off Gambling years ago fiver in the fruit machine then a tenner in the bookies on a Saturday. Then I got a smartphone and had access to multiple bookmakers. I found the idea of matched betting and started opening new accounts for the offers then laying the free bets off to make a profit. My wife was ok with this as I had explained that it was free cash at the end of the day.
This is when it starts going wrong, I get greedy, I wasn’t more profit, but a machete bet then turns into a risk bet which loses. So I have lost money, I then try to win back that money. Fast forward a few months and that keeps happening. I take out payday loans to pay for my gambling thinking that I can pay it back by matched betting and winning a few offers. This doesn’t happen so I put a couple of quid into an online casino and win £100, maybe this is the answer to get out of the mess I have caused. No, I end up losing the hundred quid and more, much more.
At this point my wife starts to question why I had taken £20, £30, £50 out of our account, I say that it’s so that I can lay a bet off and that the money will be back in our account in a few days. Oh man, as I write this I am so scared. The money didn’t go back into our account, nor did it go back to pay the payday loans. It was lost. w*f have I done.
Anyway last Thursday my wife asked where I had put the £100 that I got for trading in some of my sons games which he didn’t use, I had spent that money on bets on the Man United v Newcastle Match and again on online slots. So we have an argument as I again try to tell her that I’ve used it for matched betting. I come clean and explain that I think I’ve got a problem, I then continue to lie when my wife asks how much debt I’m in. I explain that I’m just behind on a couple of credit cards.
I don’t tell her that I am approx £15K in debt on loans, used to pay for other debt and gambling.
my wife went away for the weekend with her friends, I promised her that I wouldn’t gamble again but I put another three bets of £10 and again went on the slingo machines to try and win back.
Before she left on Friday she said that we will have a chat on Monday about where we are up to and wants me to write everything down for us to discuss.
I am so scared, I am ashamed, I am worried that she is going to walk out and take our children or throw me out and ask me to leave. I am so scared to lose it all when I explain how much debt I am in.
I don’t want to be this person anymore.
I will today exclude from all gambling and add Gamban to all devices.
This is day one!
Danny
Thank you very much for posting on our forum and sharing what you’ve been going through. It sounds like there have been long lasting impacts on your relationships, finances and mental wellbeing as a result of gambling. The guilt and shame you describe sound really tough.
It can be really difficult when we feel trapped in a cycle of chasing losses and lying. I hope the chat with your wife on Monday went okay. If you and your wife would like further support, our Helpline (0808 8020 133) and our 1:1 Livechat are both open 24 hours every day. We also offer a money guidance service if you would like some support around your financial situation – you can phone our Helpline for more info on this.
You have made a courageous step in writing about your experiences on here and well done for signing up for the self exclusion measures.
Wishing you well in your recovery and please know you’re not alone with this – we are here to support you.
Ellen
Forum Admin
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