Hi all.
I'm a first time poster and today as been a big day as I finally said the words 'I'm a gambling addict'. On a less positive note, the words were said to an advisor at Step Change, the debt advice charity, and not my wife, family or friends.
In summary, I'm in my mid-late 30's, married and we're expecting our first child in December. I've been gambling on and off since my late teens. My biggest downfall was when I discovered in my 20's that online bookmakers accepted credit card payments. This led me to wracking up over £15000 in credit debt due to my gambling.This was around 8/9 years ago.The timing coincided with an unrelated split with an ex-girlfriend, so moving back in with my parents allowed me to pay my debts off and get my finances back in order. No one knew of my debt or indeed my gambling problem.I still gambled during this period I was paying off my debt but to a lesser extent..Looking back now, I only wish at this stage I could have admitted my problems then as the chances are I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now.
I met my now wife in 2008 and in 2010 we bought a house together although the mortgage was in her name due to my bad credit rating from the credit card debt previously referred to ending up with a debt recovery agency. Saving up for the house plus getting married in late 2012 meant I had a real focus and so,although still gambling, it never really got out of control. Once married, for the first time in ages I had disposal able income and the gambling started again and although I did have some good winning runs, I was still well down overall. My credit rating had now improved and given I had no mortgage and a relatively good job, getting credit has proved far too easy. Throughout 2013 and 2014 I was gambling more and the stakes were increasing.but when the losing runs came I kept chasing and when needs took out another loan or increased an existing one.I do feel the lenders have lent wreckessly, in particular my bank who must have been able to see how I was using my credit, but that's not to get away from the fact that the problem of the gambling lies with me.
So as things stand today, I've got over £60k worth of debt made up of loans and credit cards and, although I've continued to gamble since things really came to a head in December, it's been very small amounts in trying to get that big win to get me out of trouble.....and like all gamblers I've had a few hard kick stories and been very close to achieving that win. Today I took the big and necessary step of contacting Step Change.
I'm confident I can kick the addition but my main concern is my wife doesn't know anything if my debts or addication and we've a baby due in December.I know I have you come clean soon but I'm so scared of what it will do to her and what the future holds.
Any help advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Hi sanpablo, welcome to recovery 🙂
In the 1st instance, I would recommend you read Mr Brightside's exit post in the 2014 challenge! Then you need to draw a line under your losses & figure out a way to get your Time-Money-Location triangle broken! You only need to remove one & gambling is prevented! There is blocking software available for online gambling (K9 is free but Gamcare can advise) which is great because it is very hard to stay in recovery using willpower alone!
Maybe start a recovery diary & One Day At A Time you can leave gambling in your past!
There are lots of people on here who have walked in your shoes (I did almost 3 decades of damage) proving that recovery is possible - ODAAT
Hi Sanpablo
Welcome to the forum, thanks for posting very sensitive and heart breaking story of how gambling can rot you when you have so much good in your life , why do we do it , the power of the chase is overwhelmiong and very strong and i suppose we enjoy the buzz but im a bit younger than you and not in as much debt as you but im sure very similar as we are Compulsive gamblers and i lost a lot of money on roulette and sports betting mainly and although not best qualified on here to offer best advice to stop for good as im still at the sart of the path and regulary come of the wagon , i also justhad a baby girl and really should be saving and spending it onmy family rather than in betting shop in quest of a fast buck
one thing i will say and mentioned by odaat is the gambling trainange does work if broken u can,t gamble without money but for you to have no control over your funds you prob going have to come clean to your partner , my partner knows its best not to keep it bottled up mate
stay strong , life better without gambling , respect your money
Hi Sanpablo
I know it's not going to be pleasant, but you do have to tell your partner. Once your partner and close family know that you have a problem, they can provide some level of accountabilty. When you do tell your partner, it is advised that you tell her of all debts that you have and all accounts that you have as well. Get it all out in the open in one go.
Your partner is going to be very upset, angry, disappointed etc. Prepare yourself for a verbal backlash.
I can tell you that the majority of partners do stick by their gambling partner, PROVIDING they make the effort to recover from their addiction. I would recommend that she looks at attending Gamanon so she can get support from fellow partners of gamblers. She is going to need it.
Are you attending GA or getting any counselling for your addiction? Don't kid yourself that you can quit without some help. The GA fellowship offers support and advice from people who have / are trying to recover from the gambling addiction. You will not be alone in your recovery.
Take care
Hi, Sanpablo,
The clue about my situation is in the name. Well done for finally admitting it but you must, must tell your wife. It will be a hard thing to do but hopefully somewhere along the line, she will acknowledge that effort. The worst thing that you can do is to continue to live the lie because it's the lying that's the betrayal. And telling her and asking for her help and support gives you both something to build on. I found out about my husband's gambling the hard way and now I can't see anything much to love or admire in him, unless GA turn him back into a human being.
One caveat - gamblers can and do recover but the ones that do put in the commitment and the effort and it's not easy. That's something that you can demonstrate to your wife and hopefully she'll recognise it, eventually if not immediately.
You've taken the first hard steps, stick with it and good luck.
Best wishes,
Cynical Wife
........
Hi sanpablo,
Plenty of good advice already given.
Someone has already said it. I'll repeat it. Life is better without gambling. Much better in fact.
Put the strongest measures in place to break the habit.
Peace of mind will be one of the rewards.
Take Care Now.
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