Hi,
This is my first ever posting, I have been reading other peoples stories and finding I relate to quite a few of them so thought I would finally take the jump and post myself. I am 31 and have had a gambling problem for around 12 years, becoming more problematic by the day (or the spin)...my main problem is roulette machines, I think nothing of losing up to 2 thousand pounds a week (I think a lot afterwards mind), I "loved" the intensity and speed of the game, often just getting caught up in the whirlwind and gambling hundreds of pounds every minute or two, finally after years of robbing Ted to pay Fred, and after so so many failed attempts to control my gambling I found the courage to speak to gamcare and in turn a options counsellor, I had my first session Tuesday and must admit I felt quite ashamed to say aloud my problems and list them all, I had kept it to myself for so long, or made a joke of it in the many bookies that I visit then being frank and honest with somebody really opened up some wounds. I haven't gambled since the weekend and am trying to stay positive, keeping the " I cannot stop, so I cannot win" quote in my mind like a scene from a rocky film. I have taken so much hope from a lot of the postings and am trying to realise that there is no shame in my problem, for too long I have tried to pretend I enjoy the whole "lad" culture of gambling. The one thing I am having real trouble with is the self exclusion. I just find the feeling of shame of actually going in and doing this so so overwhelming, like they would look down on me, could anyone share any of these experiences with me?? I know this would be a huge huge step in what I need to do to finally stop, I am just really struggling to find the courage to do this. Thanks.
Feeling of shame?
How much more shameful is it to walk out of bookies after blowing hundreds. That's shame.
I was like you, gave up but didn't self exclude. This was about 5 years ago. After 3 months I thought I was ok and now thousands and thousands later I have finally self excluded. Best thing I have ever done.
The staff so supportive and were actually pleased to see me doing it.
Please do this
Hi pompeyguy31,
Welcome. I'm not really the man to advise you about self exclusion from the High Street. All mine was online (horse/football mainly) so it was easier for to block (K9).
No doubt someone will be along shortly on here with some good advice. You'll find people really care on the Forum. It's a good place.
Take Care Now.
Hello mate, welcome to recovery 🙂
Self excluding terrified me to start with & I have had both good & bad experiences...Once I had a few done, it didn't phase me anymore! On the whole, they see it coming & although some may dither getting out the forms, you can take them away & fill them out then bring them back so as not to prolong the agony @ the counter! You need passports photos to do this!
We all have similar embarrassing stories to tell & I'm not sure if my shame earned by gambling will ever go away but I have no shame in recovery! That is my past & now, One Day At A Time, I am working towards my future & I can't begin to tell you how much better it looks from here!
Great start, keep it up - ODAAT
I know, maybe that was the wrong wording to use, I just feel like I've painted this picture over so many years to everybody in the bookies, staff and punters, that actually doing it would be embarrassing, I don't know why, as you say I know how much worse I will feel if I don't and relapse, I feel I have to do this, I know I do, I'm just really struggling to find the courage to carry it through, I'm going to get some passport photos done over the weekend and keep them in my wallet. I guess I just hate to admit what i have done to the staff, although they're not my friends really. I don't know, I just can't seem to overcome this part of it all.
You can enjoy eating cake but still need to stop, doesn't mean you don't wanna eat it anymore!
You don't need to explain yourself to people but I get what you're saying! I'd be inclined to spin them a few lines...Maybe your missus wants to spend a bit more time with you or more realistically, you're saving up for your own private jet! It doesn't matter what you tell them @ the end of the day, they're not likely to be taking you out for champagne...You don't owe them anything, they aren't your friends! Born again commented on his diary about a CG that's started working with him (moron we like to call him) & mentioned how dull he is constantly talking about gambling...The common theme here in recovery that we notice is, we only hear about the wins! I can't remember who posted it but someone mentioned that they were actually congratulated for self excluding...It takes more balls to do this than to keep pandering to the addiction!
Weigh it up with the shame you feel now for throwing away all that time & money & I think you'll see the pros far out do the cons!
Suck it up, you won't regret it, I promise you! You will regret more time/money/energy wasted on this evil addiction so do everything you can to put a stop to it now - ODAAT
They won't fall for that, nobody owns two private jets. True, all very true, I know I have to do this, it's the biggest obstacle I have to overcome and I know deep down it's the only way I'm truly going to stop. I think as you say I just need to suck it up, at the end of the day I have to face my problems, I'm pretty confident they know I can't afford the thousands I'm pulling out of my painting overalls anyway, so it should come as little surprise. I think I just need to do it over the weekend. Many thanks for your help. Can I ask how you told friends?? I am a lads lad and am forever "popping" in the bookies most weekends/evenings, I have managed this week to evade all invites but obviously there will come a time when I will be put in a situation, is honesty the best policy??
Hi FOBT, to be honest most of the people who work in the bookies think that gamblers are mugs so please don't worry about what they'll think of you! all the best with your recovery.
The good thing about being a lads lad, is that your mates are lads, its alll quite simple. So yes just spit it out, they will take the P**s a bit at times, sometimes they'll all forget and you'll be reading magazines in the newsagents next door, but they will just get on with it. Its my husband that is the gambler in our family, ex military, great sportsman, proper lads lad, really worried about telling mates, but his experience has been that they are very supportive or very forgetful, but no one had any problem with it.
The past is the past, the money, the lies you told, the fantasy person you created, its all in the past and its gone, the new you is going to self exclude and take a bit of pleasure trapping that old fraud in the past by doing it, if that makes sense.
Keep moving, keep building the new life, one day at a time, take pride in every day that you dont gamble. Let us know how you're getting on.
Ooo a private jet & a painter/decorator - double win 😉 I think the advice above is better than any I can give since my affair with Mr Gamble was to the detriment of my social life & a dirty little secret! I think for you it may be the fear of the unknown @ the moment as much as anything else, once the self exclusion is in place, there's no going back & as you say, it has been a pretty big part of this champagne Charlie dream you have been living!
Don't fear recovery, it's a difficult path to get on & stay on but the rewards really are worth every second of effort! Follow your plans through ASAP, while you are seeing sense & before the addiction tries to persuade you it is a bad idea!
You can do this - ODAAT
i've got to really want to stop gambling
so hard being honest but i knew if i wasn't i'd keep repeating the same behaviour time after time
will you?
I would say to them you are getting concerned that you are spending too much time gambling and more money than you can afford to lose, so would appreciate it if they would exclude you.
You don't need to say I'm thousands in debt etc..
Make it seem like you are being responsible yourself before it gets out of control.
As for mates, any decent mates, will support you, once they know you are serious about giving up.
is.
You could even take a mate with you when you exclude for a bit of support.
There's no shame in doing whatever it takes to get your life back. Do a Rocky and man up, or whimp out and flake to the devil and keep handing over your money. You know what to do, you're half way there Rocky. Keep going, don't give in.
If your finding it hard just make a bit of a joke about it or something and say to them
'ah im giving up fed up of wasting my money when i could be saving so thinking better off to exclude so i wont be tempted anymore, im retiring :)'
rather than... 'can i please self exclude im seriously worried and thousands in debt'
maybe that approach will help you feel less ashamed.
dont really know much about self excluding in shops though as all mine have been online. Maybe they require in depth reasons i dont know :s
Hi everyone, thanks so much for all your messages, I really do appreciate it......I have been paid in cash today from a job, a few of us were, and I avoided going to the pub (the bookies is opposite) because I knew it would lead to temptation, I instead went to get some passport photos done at the supermarket (I look a lot better in the picture than I normally do exiting the bookies) I know that I need to just get on with it, I plan to do it Sunday afternoon ( I am working alone this weekend so temptation won't be a issue) but I know if I go in Sunday afternoon and self exclude there is no going back, even when temptation kicks in, then it's time to just tell my mates, as you say if there real mates they will understand....then take the P***.....I am adamant I am going to do what I need too this time! it's time to put ideas into actions! one week clean Sunday and long may it continue......I will take it a day at a time! but to make myself feel a bit better I'm going to go and spend a bit of this cash on some new tools. I plan to continue using this site, it's proving to be a big help!!!
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