Hi!
Just registered here and feel little bit uncomfortable to just write... but i need to speak out.
I'm nearly 30, living in UK for more than 3 years by now. I was always very good at handling money, i'm working hard since student years, always have money in my pocket, and was proud of that i was able to reach a little bit further than people in my environment.
The first time i've entered a casino was 8 years ago, my friends went there and i was with them. Still remember the feeling that i really didn't like the atmosphere, felt it's not good, not at all. Felt terrible when i lost some money, just because i wanted to pass time meanwhile we were there. Didn't like it at all. Then in the same year i broke up with my girlfriend and suddenly find myself in casino hooked up on roulette, that time i didn't know that i'm getting addicted, but loved to go there and... hated to come out with empty pocket... simply just couldn't stop going there and play roulette. I never got in debt, just played a part of my wages, and sometimes touched my savings too, my girlfriend or parents never knew about that.
After 3 and a half year i just suddenly stopped, without promising anything to myself (what i wouldn't be able to keep anyway) I did not have the urge anymore. At all. I was so happy.
That year, i left my girlfriend, resigned from job and had an amazing summer and decided to come to London for better opportunities.
I remember at first i didn't even know what kind of shops are the bookies, just saw them everywhere. Anyway i started to look for a job. One day i passed by an arcade casino and saw an ad, they are recruiting. I swallowed, then smiled, thinking how ironic is this, then opened the door... and got a job.
Few months later discovered the world of bookies.... started to waste money again, and feeling terrible again after losing it.
A year later i found a side job in a bookie. Funny isn't it? 🙂
I kept promised myself to stop but i've never been able to do that.
I realised that my job also influences me to go gamble. Especially slots.
Last december i destroyed my debit cards so i can't withdraw money after a pub night anymore, using a credit card i can't withdraw just only a 100 pounds a month. But this desease still found the way to come out.
I still couldn't stop myself not going to play, when i was in central london, or had freetime. I don't have the words how terrible made me feel that. But the reason i write now is not that...
I started to play online two weeks ago, and it's so different there, you can lose 1000 pounds without even feeling it's weight. I didn't even felt very upset next morning when i lost 1500 pounds. (but it is so terrible to write it down). Then i really got scared, because normally i feel big remorse which prevents me to gamble for a week. I feel i'm getting mad i can't stop it, last night i've lost another load of money, i don't even want to write down how much, but i lost all my savings now. And i really got scared that it happen again... and i can't control myself... and i have so many plans in my life and wasting so much...
What i've done so far:
I closed or limited all my previously used online casino accounts, but when "it" comes i can always find a new website.
I called my bank to help me and restrict all gambling related payments, but they only can stops those sites i used already...
I try to not take cash with me to not go to real bookies or arcade.
I know my jobs (staying long hours in this environment) influences me a lot, but right now this is what i do for living.
I realized gambling urge comes the most when i'm: drunk, tired, have stress in life.
I wish i would have a friend who i can trust and could influence me or stop me. But i haven't got real friends here.
I need help, but i don't know what would help me. I'm afraid i destroy myself even more.
Hi universalmind1 and Welcome,
After reading your post carefully I feel you would possibly benefit from counselling via Gamcare for gambling. You may want to discuss the possibility of counselling with your GP about your alchohol consumption. It seems to have a great bearing on the strength of your gambling urges. You may want to tell your GP if you are feeling depressed and how badly ? It maybe that loneliness is one of the triggers for your gambling ? I know it was for me at one point.
Either way, you need help and then you can begin to move forward positively with your life.
Other people may post other ideas and advice for you.
i consider myself to be a former CG and at some point in the future I hope you can say that as well.
Take Care Now.
Hi! Thank you for your reply. I feel a little bit better by now. I realized if i want to stay away from gambling i have to stop drink that 1-2 beers after long work otherwise i cant trust myself, and doing the same thing again. Called gamcare, got an appointment for next tuesday. Tomorrow will call my bank to block my bank card from being used online. I called my friend told him everything, I stop punishing myself from now on. I hope i can stay strong for long time and be able to recover and live a happier life.
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