Have I made the wrong decision?

Thanks for your comment Andy. Its amazing what a week can do.

He has been in contact this week asking me for more money!!!!! He said that he put more into the joint account than I did and that I owed him £1600!

This 'text' was after he contacted my sister to get me to transfer him £500 for the holiday we had booked that my mum is now having to join me on. I am lucky that she is in a position to pay for the place on the holiday and get the time off work etc.

It's amazing how desparate he came across - almost begging me. I refused to communicate via text because we are adults after all - but he has blocked my number and declined all of my calls. I felt so hurt that he could come to me and ask for money but he couldn't bare to speak to me on the phone!

Well - after 4 hours of arguing, and some extremely hurtful and nasty text messages, I transferred him the money and insisted he didn't contact me anymore. I can confidently say that I have tried everything and I am officially done with him. The text messages will forever be evidence of how disgusting he has spoken to me and demanded things off me and yet there I was trying to be friends?!

I later received an apology text which meant absolutely nothing to me - the damage was already very much done.

Today was the first day that I feel as though I can live my life without him. Without his debts and without his lies.

I'm sure enough he will be in contact again soon - probably for the jewellery he brought me throughout our relationship, so he can sell that too.

With regards to his parents, I won't make any effort to contact his Dad as I still believe that he is the reason that financial involvement was ruled out and I have been texting his mum every few days to see how he's getting on.

Yes I still care.

No there is nothing more I can do for him.

I will continue to write on here with regards to any contact with him/ his mum etc.

Thanks again for your kind support and advice!

GB x

Hi, GB,

I strongly recommend that you do everything it takes to protect yourself from further financial damage. Unchecked, the next step from desperation can be dishonesty. Get credit reports in your name from all three credit agencies just to make sure that their contents are as you expect and consider signing up for alerts as to future applications. And close all joint accounts if you haven't already, write to the banks saying that you have just become aware of his gambling problem, you do not authorise any gambling transactions or future loan agreements and ask them to confirm. Send your letters by recorded delivery. If in doubt, get legal advice or go to the CAB.

Take care,

Hi Gymbuni.

I dont know all the details so its difficult. Did you owe him any money? He really doesnt sound very nice at all.

Its seems to me that this is a gambler who may be waking up to his debt level and has clearly chosen the money over you.

Abusive texts and threatening behaviour are a matter for the Police. Ive got no idea why he thinks he can contact your sister. It seems a very strange set up. An angry gambler struggling with reality and trying to claw money in sounds like a tense and very upsetting situation

I echo what CW has said above. It may be that you need to toughen up at this stage and consider reporting it or legal action. If you dont owe him any money, dont pay any money. You dont owe him any possessions either

Do you have any family or other support?

I saw the warning signs in your early posts. You need to protect your own situation and good name. I feel its gone way past a certain stage and you need to protect yourself from abuse and demands for money.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I can only echo what CW has said. I am speaking from experience as a CG you need to check everything has been paid upto date, you must get credit reports and do not give into any more demands. Sadly I was very manipulative never verbally or physically abusive but I would go to extreme lengths to get my next bet on.

I would say now you have seen the light cut of all contact with him give him a taste of his own medicine and block his number you dong need this grief in your life your to good for it.

KTF

Echo prior comments.

You can get free 30 day credit checks with the various agencies, this shows what debt is in your name, ensure you cancel though as they start to charge after a month.

Totally free ones are Noddle and Clearscore.

Worth checking it out I think in your position.

You're obviously on speaking terms with the mum, I'd tell her about the money he claims you were due him, and that you paid him £x amount, and show her the texts from he little boy.

It's important I think to make the parents aware of all the facts as I fear he will be telling a different story.

I fear he will be in touch again though and be strong, if he asks for money and/or possessions I'd refer him to seek legal advice, remind him of the joint savings he gambled away and of the money you just gave him that you were 'owe' him, I think he will disappear quick enough.

Hopefully you can get some closure and move on with your life, you are definitely well rid of him by the sounds of it.

Hi all

Thanks again for your comments - this week I am away in France until Friday and it feels so strange to be in another country without him.

I havent heard anything else from him at all since Thursday. I went into the bank and asked for some advice with regards to credit ratings and they advised me to go to Equifax - I paid £2 for a credit report to be sent in the post!

It hasn't arrived yet. I wonder when he will realise that I have done nothing wrong in all of this!!!!

Time is a healer....

GB x

Hey GB,

Reading through the forum and after speaking to you in the chat last week, it's good to see you've realised that none of this is your fault. Unfortunately, it may be a great deal longer until he realises!!

Look after yourself; by the sounds of it you've been in control financially so hopefully he can't do any more damage.

Forget about him and find yourself a s**y French man! lol I'm only joking, but you are definitely right, time is a healer. He may come to his senses in the future, but you don't want to be spending your time waiting for him!

Best wishes,

Ched

Hi everyone

I just found out that my ex is already dating someone else 🙁 - a girl that he had something with before we got together. I feel so broken and so upset I can't actually believe it.

He has told her that I was a controlling girlfriend and we were unhappy for a long time.

I feel like writing the truth all over Facebook - telling all of his friends and my friends why we really broke up!

I feel like I need to remind him who is in control :'(

Hi Gymbuni

Take it from someone older that life goes on and you may have had a lucky escape there. Of course you are the facebook generation.... ho ho.... but the best thing is keep your dignity, cut all ties and move on. You can tell anyone with pride that you did your best.

Its not your problem now and thankfully you are not a gambler.

You really didnt need a gambler and you must make all efforts not to get involved with one again. You really didnt need a life of wondering where the money went and its a life lesson to be wary of anybody with gambling traits.

There is someone better for you out there so go out and enjoy yourself

Take care and all the best

Hi Gymbuni,

Move on girl.......... "Controlling girlfriend", tell eveyone, Facebook included that you were trying to "Control" his addiction to gambling, you were there as a loved one to help. Okay trying to "Control" his financies probably hita nerve with him because he's an addict who hasn't been MAN enough to face his problems. A gambler who's been "sussed" (found out) goes on the defensive, he's moved on.........I'm confident to say "still gambling and building up debt" (maybe his new lady friend is rich, but after the honeymoon period will soon see the light)....But at least one day he may think "why didn't I listen to my controlling ex-girlfriend"......... I doubu the coward will, but for sure you'll be saying "I told you so".

Rant over, all the best.