My name is Clint,
I don't remember exactly when I started properly gambling, I used to go to the football with my Dad and he'd let me put a quid on a first goalscorer/correct score bet. Most of the time I lost and didn't think anything of it, but I remember when I put my quid on a Phil Neville/4-1 combination and it came in at odds of 475/1. As a 13/14 year old kid it was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I spent a long time bragging about it to all my friends. I also remember my Dad putting an accumulator on and winning £1,300 and giving me £100 of it. It seemed very easy.
However at the time it was definitely still fun, a quid here and there, nothing to worry about. I wasn't interested in fruit machines or anything like that, I think it was when i started working in a nightclub that I started to play the fruit machines, I'd gamble all my tips for the night in the fruit machine, which was normally about a tenner. Sometimes I'd win, mostly I'd lose. But eventually I'd start meeting up with my friend on a Saturday morning and heading into town and playing the fruit machines, then every time I passed a fruit machine I'd end up putting money in it, I bought a key off ebay that apparently told you when the hopper was full so it would pay out (pointless really, it never worked, just made me convinced it would pay out until I had run out of money). I was getting paid weekly and still living at home so the money I was wasting, again didn't affect anyone but me and if I had no money I only had at most a few days to wait till I got paid again. So nothing to worry about at the time.
It was probably about 5 years ago when I found out I was having a baby that I really started gambling badly, but the first thing that really got me was online blackjack. The problem was I honestly did quite well, I could win my entire weeks wages in an hour. I remember winning over £1500 one day and withdrawing it but then a few days later I went back and lost over £600 in an hour.
I actually managed to stop gambling, I can’t remember for how long, but I got suckered in again, but now I’ve been gambling on things that in my rational mind I know I would never do. Computerised roulette, blackjack. Virtual horse racing, virtual football (How can Spain draw with North Korea?? Oh yeah, its completely random…) Under 17’s international friendlys, Womans football, Indian football…in short, stuff I either know nothing about or stuff that is designed to take your money. Computerised blackjack where you get 20 and the dealer has 16 but always manages to get a 5. (How could they get so lucky all the time?? Oh yeah…it’s a computer)
I know it’s a long opening post. But I need help to stop now. My partner found out about my gambling, she’s being supportive now but I know she’s very angry and upset about it. I have told her I don’t want any access to money until I don’t have the urge to gamble anymore. I can’t even remember what it’s like to watch a football match without having something on it. Even battling with would I rather that my team conceded a last minute equaliser just so I can win my BTTS bet.
Thank you for reading if you got this far.
Clint
Hi Clint
First of all, great name.
Second, huge well done on admitting you have a problem.
Gambling is an illness, a progressive one at that, if left un-managed will only get worse.
I gambled for 10 years racked up massive debt, lied to everyone and eventually lost my job due to gambling. This was all started off from what i thought was harmless £1 accumalators.
I have been going to GA since day one of my recovery, just over 100 days, and they suggested the floowing blocks. Since putting these blocks in place and making them watertight i have not had an urge and not even really thought about gambling.
1. Control of finances - Is there someone you can trust to take control of your finances and look after your money for you? Without money you cannot gamble. I know this may feel as you are regressing back to a childish state however it takes a lot of courage and balls to let soeone else manage your money.
2. Blocking Software - K9 is free and works on all devices including iphones. There is also net nanny and a couple of others. I personally use K9 and it works a charm, have someone else install this for you and have them input the passwords, someone you know you cannot manipulate to get these passwords. This software will stop you accessing anything to do with gambling.
3. Tell your family - this is by all means the hardest one to do and probably the one thing that keeps us gambling the longest. Your girlfriend has found out, however be open and honest with her. Today is day one of your new life, if she finds out anything you have been hiding after today it will undo any hard work and progress you make. Having experienced telling the ones i love i feel it is the best thing i could have done, for myself and for them. You may initially upset them however they DO want the best for you and once you admit you have a problem they will be willing to help.
Also consider GA, it can provide the knowledge and support needed to help manage this illness and most important keep you vigilante to any possible relapse in the future. Also consider taking your partner along with you. My partner comes occasionally with myself and finds it extremely helpful, hearing other peoples stories and helping her identify with your problem.
Also remember take one day at a time, good luck with your journey and 'For today i will not gamble'
30 years gambling lost eeverything in 97 then in 2012 my wife kids then in 2014 another good job and partner and now again nearly lost my partner - hate myself for all the lies and cheating and hurting people - £250,000 had gone in my life...I just can't seeM to stay out its like auto pilot..been homeless twice lost good jobs every relationship friend ever had...I've got to stop today is day one again....Got to change my thinking and forget the losses and the hurt but it's really hard.
Paul
I'm sorry to hear that Paul, I'm in no way near as bad as you. But todays the start of the rest of my life. I've asked my partner to take control of all the money, as soon as I get paid from my job she'll transfer it to her account, I won't be allowed access to her bank account. She's also going to password protect my phone and computer so it can't access gambling sites. I've never really been the type that goes into the bookies so hopefully this will help me stop.
It's a cunning insidious evil disease Clint..hope u beat it...one day at a time..I forgot that...
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