Hi
I’m not too sure where to put this but here goes anyway. Some info; I am married (for 3 years) and have a 2 year old son, and another little one on the way. I have gambled in the past year and me and my wife argued about it, the argument ended 3 days later and the gambling stopped. Recently, I lapsed and gambled again without even thinking of the consequences to anyone I love.
I know I have lied and deceived my wife. When she found out, she asked me to leave which I did. I returned to our home in the early hours. We have not spoken much since; if we have it has turned into negative arguments.
I have joined Gamstop and I’ve given her access to my bank accounts to check if I’m gambling or not, and done everything she asks of me, as I really want to try and get through this addiction (my gambling hasn’t got to the point that we are in major debt, all bills get paid).
I have tried to say sorry, but every time, nothing. She now keeps saying she doesn’t know how to get through this. I am at the point where I am sleeping on the couch and have been since the 21st Sep. I am talking to my Dad about this, he has been such a big help. All I keep thinking is that it’s over. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t think she realises that she is making it worse or am I over thinking all this?
Please, whatever you do don't tell her she is making it worse. You got into the situation. You dug deeper. You lied. None of this is her fault but she is left having to process in one hit what you have known is building for a while.
Saying sorry just doesn't cut it (I've been in her place). She won't want to hear it. Actions speak louder than words. Signing up to Gamstop is a start but give her full access to your finances, credit reports, salary direct to her. Sign up for counselling. Go to GA. Show her you mean it when you say you're stopping.
Hi
Thanks for the reply, yes it was me that broke the trust big time, and I don’t blame her at all for reacting the way she has she has every right.
She has access to everything she wishes; I get £40 a week mostly petrol and the rest for the week. I closed my other bank accounts down n now only have one (she has the card) I have a joint account card for house hold bills and my wage gets paid into a different account witch is a plain account with the same bank, she has access to everything she wishes.
What I mean by making it worse is the things she is saying they are very hurtful to me and I don’t think she realises what she is saying, this is destroying our marriage/relationship, and I have never been this low. I want her to talk to someone else other than her younger sister but she won’t listen to me. Maybe I need to get counselling wouldn’t know where to start will book a doctor’s appointment I think.
The gambling was; £400 over 4-5 month I know its lot of money but you don’t see that at the time, I read people’s stories and they are is debt of anything from 5000-100k and that does scare me that’s why I want to stop and have/lead a better life.
Hello mikey86,
Well done for joining the forum and for sharing a little about how your gambling problem has been impacting your relationship.
You mentioned that you wouldn't know where to go to get counselling; you can call us on 0808 8020 133 if you'd like us to give you information about our free local treatment sessions, or if you'd like to talk with an adviser.
Our services are also available to 'Affected others', so you can share our number with your partner if you like, if she would like to call us for emotional support. Problem gambling often disrupts relationships as the typical experiences of relapsing and hiding the gambling can signal a pattern of behaviour that is uncontrolled and unreliable, creating insecurity and perceptions of untrustworthiness. Partners are sometimes hurt and disappointed as they feel that their trust has been betrayed and that they can no longer rely on their relationship to provide them with security, not just financially but emotionally too. However support is available for recovery, and it is possible for people to work on their recovery and to improve how they are in their relationship with their partner. Often both people in the relationship can benefit from using support.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi again
Bruising remarks and anger are normal reactions. I made my share of them (and still do from time to time truth be told although a lot less these days). It's something you need to be prepared to take on the chin. It's a good idea for her to talk to someone but she needs to be left to choose who if anyone that is. She's the best judge of what's helping her at the moment.
It sounds as though you're not in debt at the moment. If you want to keep it that way read round the forum and act on the excellent advice you will see.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
