Here I am yet again. This time has got to be the worse. I started to play blackjack again the other night. Won over 900. Happy days. One day later I i reversed it and lost it all and a further 400 from my bank. Leaving me with nothing. I felt so ashamed that I had to cancel my food shopping delivery for my family inc my wife and 3 year old son. This really hit me hard and last night about 1am I walked the streets. I stood on top of a bridge for about 20 mins plucking up the courage to jump. I kept thinking of my wife and son. This stopped me from doing it. Today I am having the same thoughts and I honestly believe they would be better off without me. The pain im feeling inside is uterrly destroying me. I'm not looking for symphony or even help as I'm beyond help. I just urge others to stay away from gambling as it's ruined my life . My life is finished but it may not be too late for others. Peace
Hi Dazza171, I dont think your life is finished, but your gambling can be, if you care about your family you will stop. Whatever you did is a history, trust me your son needs you. Its up to you how good of a father you will be to him.
Phone gamcare, be honest with your wife, make it as hard as possible to gamble, selfexclude, give her all cards etc. Just do it full on dont even leave 1% chance (backdoor)
I messed up really bad too, but I will do anything in my power to be there for my daughter and my wife. I also had suicidal thoughts, I think thats normal straight after you are at your lowest... but I know now that I need to be there for them.
Good luck with your recovery. i'm only 25days GF, tens maybe hundreds of thousands of pounds worse of than if I wasnt gambling but I know there is a way out.
oups just realized i'm 26days GF 🙂 time flies... trust me!! if I can do it you can too!!
Hello Dazza171,
If you'd like to talk about those suicidal thoughts, you could call the Samaritans on their 24 hour freephone 116 123
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us/about-the-call
Some branches of Samaritans also accept visitors if you'd like to talk face-to-face with a Samaritan
https://www.samaritans.org/branches
You could also talk with your GP about your suicidal thoughts or if you're finding that your mood is becoming difficult to manage. You could ask your GP to monitor how you're feeling, with regular appointments over the weeks ahead.
If you'd like free 1-2-1 counselling appointments to help you overcome your gambling problem, you're welcome to call an adviser on the National Gambling Helpline freephone 0808 8020 133, for information on local support or a facilitated referral to a local service.
You're also welcome to share our freephone number with anyone who may be concerned about you.
Please do use all the support you may find helpful to stay safe and well today.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Thank you for your supporting words. I guess I can't see a way out of this at the moment. Don't help the fact I've had no sleep so not thinking clearly. Your words encourage me 🙂
Hello Dazza,
I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time and it's saddening to how you're feeling right now.
But believe me there's hope I can relate to your feelings although I wasn't suicidal but I was feeling very low didn't think there was a way back for me and struggling to get out of bed in the morning.
I'm now nearly 22 months gamble free. What got me here? Honesty, commitment and being grateful.
Things seem pretty bleek for you right now but you have things to be grateful for that you can focus on!
Deciding that you wife and son would be better without you isn't your decision to make. How would you know it'll make you wife's life better by you committing suicide and raising your son without you? Harsh words i know.
There's plenty of help here.
Feel free to message me if I can help @conradnose on twitter.
Read my blog www.conradnose.com
I wish you all the best
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