hello you may remember me from previous posts over the last 4 years i first joined this site 4 years ago vowing to come off gambling yet here I am once again having gambled a huge amount of money from my little brother. I cannot do this!! I really do not know how. How do I live without gambling how do I fill the emptiness inside?
basically a bit of back story, I am now 24 years old and I am a gambling addict. I have been since turning 18 when my mum took me to arcades to gamble as our time to bond.. I was so naive I fell for it. My mum is also a gambling addict. We both went to arcades and played £2 a spin machines we would wait until payday then go crazy. Sometimes we won those times were great sometimes we lost and those were awful.. The losses were always worse than the wins.
we used to be addicted to real machines until a certain website started up free bingo on facebook free bingo games for real cash how could we refuse it was too good to be true. We played and then started playing on the website that hosted the games on Facebook a website with Barbara Windsor as its mascot (you can guess what site I am talking about)
i am now on another site a much better one we thought until we poured hundreds of pounds in to it, including birthday money, xmas money and rent money.. It has all got out of control! I moved away to start fresh but my gambling problem has followed me. Then the past 2 weeks is when things got really bad, I stole from my brother, I asked for his paypal password and he gave me it out of trust in me I then attached his paypal to my online gambling account and stole £500 from his account which he didn't have i maxxed out his overdraft and he's only a student and had no money to pay it back I got into hot water with the bank and they are pushing my brother to sue me! I am so scared I had to demand the money from my partner to pay my brother back and the only way I could get it off him was to be agressive and violent I tried to hit my partner until he promised to go to the bank and I went with him the guilt was killing me I went to bed crying every night! My boyfriend out of fear went to the bank and we paid my brother back with our savings it emptied our savings pot and I have to deal with my boyfriend being angry at me every day since, I deserve it i done something terrible and should be punished, he has now put K9 on his laptop, has stopped my weekly bingo session at my local bingo hall and has made me call GA to start meetings.. I don't think he realises none of this wI'll work... Not until I admit i have a problem and I don't think I can yet..
Seems odd that you would come here, admit to breaking the law not once but twice (theft & then domestic violence) then say you cannot admit you have a problem? I sympathise with the whole parent thing, I've done that but I am in recovery now whereas my mum isn't, she has stolen, lied, lost her dignity & pride but she doesn't have a problem either! Your boyfriend has every right to be angry, he would have had every right to refuse to withdraw money (his savings anyway) & every right to go to the police (he still could), the least you can do if you want to try & salvage this relationship is what he requires of you! Maybe have a read over on the Friends & Family section, & let him know GamCare is here for him too if he needs some support!
You do this by opening your mind & taking action not by asking how to live without gambling then saying you cannot admit you have a problem! You are here because you have one regardless of whether you are prepared to say it out loud or not! Why not go one better than what your incredible partner has suggested, call the helpline & book some counselling as well as getting to your nearest GA. Gambling doesn't fill your emptiness, it hides it momentarily, with help, you can take the action required to make life more fulfilling - ODAAT
hi kimmi
heart felt story and how easily things can spiral out of control , odaat is right but i do sympathize as this illness never ceases to disgiust me and how it can spread like cancer so quickly , you defo do have a major problem so do i sweety only total withdrawal and hard mental long term work will help turn the corner and im in same position with my partner done some awful amounts of cash few months ago when i got bills to pay and a baby to provide for , its beyong logic and im now at 32 embracing recovery , how many chances will ur bf give u ? ur family ? until we end up lile many other CG , lost , no family or loved ones and then maybe no home or money either , its just no worth it
hope you having a better day stay in touch
Gambling will give you NOTHING
gambling will take EVERYTHING
If you let it !
Call the helpline love...only you can change things....good luck x
Kimmii,
You have to admit that you have a problem, you would not have come to this site unless you thought that. I used to come on here to have a 'look'; this was before I admitted I had a problem. I have admitted it to myself, I have taken every possible step to stop myself from gambling. Its only been 48 hours but I feel so much better for it already. But that has only come because I have admitted it. I would often get angry with myself for gambling online, so angry I wouldnt be able to sleep, I would cry myself to sleep at night and then not gamble for a couple of days. Then I would go back to it, have a win and forget about all the bad times. But how many bad times have you had? How many did I have? Hundreds if not thousands. You will never win gambling and whilst you are a compulsive gambler you are never going to come out on top.
The first step for you is to admit you have a problem. This site helps so much. Admit it and then post more on here about how you are feeling. Please only do it for yourself, your family and your partner. You have to be the one that wants to do it otherwise it will not work.
Lou x
Hi Kimmi,
I feel so sad to read your post and what this terrible addiction can lead to.
I will be honest, I'm quite distressed by the description of how the desperation led to your behaviour. I'm sure you are not like that in other circumstances but this shows that you have a serious problem.
You need to admit this, for your sake and your loved ones.
Please seek help. The advice is on here.
Wishing you all the best.
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