Hi everyone, im new here and i never thaught i would be telling everyone how my life is falling apart but here goes..
Ive suffered from long term mental health issues since childhood but had always made the best of life.. being happy with what i had instead of dwelling on what i didnt have..
Anyway about 4 years i started going to the amusement arcades.. ive always been good with numbers so i used to play the "compensated" fruit machines that pay out a certain percentage over so many spins.. i found that if i took notice of how much was being won/lost on other machines around me i could win small consistant profit by playing machines that had taken in a lot of money recently ...
Up until last year i used to go once ir twice a week and have fun, a day out a chance to socialize and maybe win ВЈ20 or ВЈ30 during the day i enjoyed.. due to my health problems ive never had a good job and for the past 5 years have had an income of just ВЈ119 a week... so a £20 win was a lot of money to me...
But recently ive been losing control, ive been going more and more often even when i tell myself i dont want to go i end up back there.. ive become distant with freinds and family and other past times that dont involve gambling just dont interest me like they used to..
In october i gambled 29 days out of 31 and although i still continue to make small profits as always, winning dosent excite me any more.. and going to the arcade dosent seem fun any more..
Another thing that bothers me is i never have the time or desire to even spend any of my winnings on myself or others.. it just sits in the bank.. in the last year as my gambling has become more often i have amassed £10,000 in savings.. not a lot to some but far more than ive ever had in my life.. i dont need any more money and never spend it anyway so WHY do i feel compelled to waste my life winning money i dont need or even want..
I just want my life back. The good times with people i care about.. and hobbies that are not gambling.. i would happily hand back every penny ive won to get my life back.. a life free of fruit machines..
This has made my mental health worse and on 31 october i reached rock bottom and tried to take the cowards way out... by ending my own life.. and i feel so ashamed and alone and scared.. i dont know what to do anymore
hi 2016 , thanks for posting , your not online im totally hooked on roulette machines which are a hardcore type of fruit machine i suppose , your post is different as money is clearly not your motivation , it is for me i always want bit more or to hit a number for the buzz yep but it,s always the money and my brain tricking me into an easy win and then the chasing and then the despair , it spoilt my sat and sunday with the despair and disguist of loosing good money , my partner knows i gamble and we have a lovely baby together and a nice flat and i work in oil and have friends and family and i need to focus on that and not bloody gaming machines , for you my friend your done brilliant to amass savings from shrewd gambling and i feel your gambling as escape rather than to make money and you should be going to community events or trying to socialize or even internet dating anything so you meet people and can build a happy life , but i took strength from your post as everyone fighting different battles and i wish you all the best in finding happiness and as you post prooves money can,t buy you happiness and i need to stop wasting my earned money in pursuit of greed
Hi 2014, FOBT are the worst type of gambling imo i really hope you do find the strength to give them up.. personally ive never played roulette because i only play machines that run to percentage payouts.. so you know once someone has lost a load in it you gotta get something back... money was my motivation at the start.. an extra few quid to go towards my meagre income... i was never greedy and was happy with £20 but now i dont know why i bother continue except that i cant stop.. your right i should be concentrating on freinds and family... the last month i spent 8-12 hrs a day gambling its getting beyond a joke now and although i still make money i dont enjoy it anymore
2014, just to add... the most you can win on FOBT is ВЈ500 i believe.. but from personal experience no amount of money is ever enough to walk away with.. i have no idea how to even spend what i have and yet still i gamble.. but you seem to have a decent job i daresay you could earn ВЈ500 quite quickly.. may not be as quick as pressing spin on FOBT but it is safe money.... money you know you can put to good use if you give up the FOBT.. at the moment you are just treating money like monopoly money... to use to keep you in the game... maybe it might be an idea to ask your partner to take control of some your income? I wouldnt say cut yourself off without a penny but maybe give her £500 a month or something and ask her to pay whats needed or for some of lifes little luxuries then you know your not totally wasting your time working and are getting something positive from the money.. hope you manage to get this under control before it gets any worse
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