Well my new beginning didn't go as planned. Blew ВЈ115 today and didn't win a penny. Meanwhile behind me, the machine I was on just paid out £350. That's 2 bills that won't be paid this week...
Too livid and disgusted at myself to write more.
Hi Chris,
Firstly, I love the term 'asshat' and I'm going to make an effort to use it more in my everyday life!
Seriously though, I'm sorry to hear the position you are in but 'blips' and relapses are common place and you shouldn't let them put you off your recovery.
The thing that strikes me about your post is that the anger you are feeling seems to be more focussed on the fact you lost and that you feel like you missed out on a 'big win' from another machine. Any compulsive/addicted gambler knows that a win or loss is irrelevant whilst you have this problem.
I had many, many wins (some big ones too) during my time gambling but it's completely unimportant. Any money you win will just fuel further gambling and whether it takes an hour or a month, you WILL lose it again. Put simply, the person who 'won' that £350 will end up in the same position as you in the long run if you both continue to gamble so you would simply be prolonging the agony.
Let the money and the losses go, they are just a symptom of the real issue. Instead, take positive action to make changes and that has to start will breaking the gambling triangle. Self exclusion MUST be your first step, block as many gambling avenues as you can and relinquish control of money.
Focus on YOU and not the machines, the industry or other gamblers (these will all become irrelevant on your recovery journey).
I wish you all the best in your recovery and, if I sound like a do-gooding know-it-all twit then, believe me, I'm not. I've been where you are and the longer you hold on to the win/loss mentality, the longer the cycle continues.
All the best.
Phil
Can only echo what Phil has said.
Money won and lost in the past are all irrelevent to your recovery and stopping gambling. All the time you are gambling you are losing and every day you refrain from gambling you are winning. Any "wins" are only short-term as we will soon donate it back to the bookies/casinos.
Good luck with your recovery and try to focus on a future without gambling rather than looking back on losses and what have been. Easier said than done I know but no-one ever said this was going to be easy.
Muststop123
Hey mate. I know that feeling: head in hands and calling yourself all the names under the sun. And while asshat is a great word, it's still a name, a label - you're defining YOU by your mistake. I'm new to this forum and only just admitted to myself that I have a problem, so I can't offer you much in the way of experience, but I can tell you that you have to separate yourself from your actions. For whatever reason, you have found yourself in a situation where your brain is responding to the stimuli that goes along with gambling - as strange as this might sound, this must be a human instinct and response to something that has happened/is happening in your life. If you tell yourself you are this and you are that, then you will chip away at the part of you that wants to change. You have to look at those actions, those silly mistakes that you make, and say to yourself 'I am better than this'.
Ultimately, we are all just sensitive organisms growing and living in a world that over stimulates-us and overpressures us. It's natural that people become hypnotised and snared in the traps set by those conniving few who want to prey upon our weaknesses and profit from our very nature. It is our responsibility to break the patterns, but we must do so by believing we are capable of more than we have achieved so far.
In summary, you are not an asshat.
Hey mate. I know that feeling: head in hands and calling yourself all the names under the sun. And while asshat is a great word, it's still a name, a label - you're defining YOU by your mistake. I'm new to this forum and only just admitted to myself that I have a problem, so I can't offer you much in the way of experience, but I can tell you that you have to separate yourself from your actions. For whatever reason, you have found yourself in a situation where your brain is responding to the stimuli that goes along with gambling - as strange as this might sound, this must be a human instinct and response to something that has happened/is happening in your life. If you tell yourself you are this and you are that, then you will chip away at the part of you that wants to change. You have to look at those actions, those silly mistakes that you make, and say to yourself 'I am better than this'.
Ultimately, we are all just sensitive organisms growing and living in a world that over stimulates-us and overpressures us. It's natural that people become hypnotised and snared in the traps set by those conniving few who want to prey upon our weaknesses and profit from our very nature. It is our responsibility to break the patterns, but we must do so by believing we are capable of more than we have achieved so far.
In summary, you are not an asshat.
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