I’m so fed up of being a loser I’ve lost £500k in the last 12 months

not sure if i have read your title correctly but if i have then half a million  is a tremendous amount to have gone through in a year 

usually i would give the generic advice of getting blocks in place and keeping busy but at this level im just not sure its going to be enough 

i think you should definitely consider professional help as a matter of urgency 

good luck 

Posted by: Givemethebuzz

not sure if i have read your title correctly but if i have then half a million  is a tremendous amount to have gone through in a year 

usually i would give the generic advice of getting blocks in place and keeping busy but at this level im just not sure its going to be enough 

i think you should definitely consider professional help as a matter of urgency 

good luck 

 

 

I won £*** in 2018, I kept myself away for 3 months but then I just wanted the buzz again from winning. I can’t stop thinking about how much money I’ve lost £100k was from my savings. I have no job now and no savings I’ve ruined my life wish I could take the last 12 months. I know I can’t I don’t know why I keep doing it no matter how much I win I always want more it never stops. It’s like I like feeling like this or why would I keep repeating the same thing over and over, why don’t I learn from my mistakes. What set me off again was looking on you tube and seeing people win big but on the flip side you lose big as well. Gambling is the worst addiction as you can hide it and do it sober no one knows what’s going on, why doesn’t the govt just make it illegal and ban it ? It’s not good for the society and people can’t control it. You watch tv and on the adverts there gambling you drive and you see it everywhere on Bill boards. It just doesn’t stop. They don’t do that with drugs why don’t they just ban it ? 

Hi the government makes a lot of money off it plain and simple. Same as smoking will never ban it . Unfortunately we live in a country that gives us freedom to choose what I mean is unfortunately for people like us who don't have a stop button or even a pause button. They could give us half a chance and stop the adverts I'm mesmerized by them when they come on I'm going to start asking hubby to turn over as when he's awake he controls the remote control lol !! As givemethebuzzsaid I'm hoping that you are getting professional help . Massive amount of money but money is evil in an addicts hands id love to say I wouldn't have gambled that amount but that would be a lie and I'm sick to death of lying. Easy to say don't focus on the amount I lost £3000 in 3days which I might be a comparable amount of money in my life. If you get stuck on what you have lost you won't move forward you have to find a way to let it go and get some peace from the big stick in your head. I sincerely hope you find what it takes to get you through this

I’m sorry to hear you feel so low, you’ve made the right choice to speak out. If you are comfortable speaking on the forum for now then it’s a good place to start. 

I found that I would continually get emails which was added temptation that I could do without, I decided it was time to create a new email address. I changed my details with the important companies but kept both email addresses running side by side and over a few weeks I subscribed again if I felt I wanted to keep receiving certain marketing emails. I am now ready to delete the old email address and remove the temptation. There are somethings we can’t avoid such as adverts or shops but this may help you as it has for me.

I understand how you feel when you say you don’t want to talk to anyone, I found that I would avoid conversations or closeness with friends and family. It was almost as though I wasn’t present because my mind would be on gambling or finances. On reflection I believe this was because I wanted to avoid the truth coming out or getting too close as I thought I would lose everyone. I still find it hard but since being honest I feel a sense of relief, everyone has been really supportive and I now wish that I had said something sooner. I now deal with guilt but not the anxiety of deceit.

It’s tough but there are plenty of us who have felt how you do and are on the road to recovery, stay strong and keep talking.

Posted by: Charlieboy

Hi the government makes a lot of money off it plain and simple. Same as smoking will never ban it . Unfortunately we live in a country that gives us freedom to choose what I mean is unfortunately for people like us who don't have a stop button or even a pause button. They could give us half a chance and stop the adverts I'm mesmerized by them when they come on I'm going to start asking hubby to turn over as when he's awake he controls the remote control lol !! As givemethebuzzsaid I'm hoping that you are getting professional help . Massive amount of money but money is evil in an addicts hands id love to say I wouldn't have gambled that amount but that would be a lie and I'm sick to death of lying. Easy to say don't focus on the amount I lost £3000 in 3days which I might be a comparable amount of money in my life. If you get stuck on what you have lost you won't move forward you have to find a way to let it go and get some peace from the big stick in your head. I sincerely hope you find what it takes to get you through this

Whether you lose a lot or £100 it’s all the same and yes I always thought that you get happiness with money but it’s not true. I’ve been thinking over the last 24 hours I’ve got a lot, there are people out there much worse than me. I just want this empty feeling inside to stop I can’t explain it. I just feel like nothing it that even makes sense, I have no self worth and always think the worse about me, I cried myself to sleep last night. Wish I wasn’t so weak that’s probably why I’m single but to be honest I don’t even try to get a partner as I know I have so many issues no ones going to want me unless I sort my life out. Thank you for replying to me means a lot 

The empty feeling is hitting the bottom in my experience my last few days gambling I felt numb and when I put more money it was like it wasn't real money v surreal feeling that I've never had before. Was that the first time you cried about it? I cried buckets yesterday first in ages prior to that I didn't feel anything apart from guilt/ self loathing that's a constant. I'm taking the crying as a positive sign my emotions are awake. I know we have to confront these v uncomfortable feelings before we recover. I have a v angry upset (no words to describe really) husband I don't think either your scenario being single or mine being married with the added guilt of messing up for both him and my 15year old son is necessarily much different. We both have heads full of demons that we need to confront and deal with before we can move on. Have you any idea what your triggers are? Does loneliness come into it? I'm hoping that you find some peace and support and I will always reply when I can

ive been where you are mate had the same feeling of emptiness last may on holiday where i spent 70% in the apartment swearing at Latvian blackjack dealers on the laptop because i was doing my b0llax on online blackjack i lost about 800 quid in 4 days and was constantly irritable and not only did i ruin my holiday i ruined my girlfriends holiday too 

i was a complete mess comming back from that holiday literally didnt know what to do with myself my head was a shambles

i just decided the only thing to do was cut the whole lot out and i did for months then i think i had a relapse just before Christmas but had my 5 mins of self pity and carried on with my life 

gambling completely distorts your view of life it makes everything to frantic and stressful ( all the adrenaline ) when you get a few months abistence under your belt things become a lot clearer and calmer 

the only reason i am super concerned for you is because the money you are talking about is fairly life changing hence there may be additional physcological damage that may need to be repaired 

Posted by: Charlieboy

The empty feeling is hitting the bottom in my experience my last few days gambling I felt numb and when I put more money it was like it wasn't real money v surreal feeling that I've never had before. Was that the first time you cried about it? I cried buckets yesterday first in ages prior to that I didn't feel anything apart from guilt/ self loathing that's a constant. I'm taking the crying as a positive sign my emotions are awake. I know we have to confront these v uncomfortable feelings before we recover. I have a v angry upset (no words to describe really) husband I don't think either your scenario being single or mine being married with the added guilt of messing up for both him and my 15year old son is necessarily much different. We both have heads full of demons that we need to confront and deal with before we can move on. Have you any idea what your triggers are? Does loneliness come into it? I'm hoping that you find some peace and support and I will always reply when I can

Yes I feel the same, all I care about is hitting 23 !!!! Doesn’t matter about anything else. I feel happy when that happens does that even make any sense ?  I have cried before but then I think it’s my own fault I did this to myself so why am I crying. Must be hard for you as well with your hubby and child as they will depend on you. Thank you for your kind words I wish you peace and happiness as well, I’m thinking about meditation and trying to get inner peace to clear all the demons out of my head don’t know if it will work or how to go about getting help. With covid I don’t like going out as I have a germ phobia and everything in my house is cleaned so many times and I have OCD with cleaning. Hhhmmmm you have to laugh I’ve got so many issues why can’t I just be a normal happy person ? 

Hi jrt

Sorry to hear about the position you find yourself and how you are feeling.

The amounts are eye watering but the feelings of despair and emptiness are the same at almost any amount once you start gambling compulsively. I won enough to buy my son a flat, cash outright, set him up with a good start in life. Of course, I didn’t, I just gave it back to the casinos within a few days. I think if you start to try and rationalise your behaviour as an addict you will be here a long time. As you say, it is a drug, and you don’t behave rationally when you are controlled by a drug.

You need to get some professional help - just ring the number at the top of the page and get started. They will be able to give you all sorts of advice on how to get help both on physically preventing yourself from gambling and then on improving your mental health so your recovery can become long term.

I never really feel qualified to give direct advice but one piece I am happy to give is that however low and bad you feel at the moment (I loathed myself to the point I could not stand being in the same room as myself which was slightly awkward) you must at some point forgive yourself and start looking forward – glance back occasionally to remind yourself of what you don’t want to return to but don’t live in the misery of your mistakes.  

Good luck and keep posting

Muststop123

Posted by: Givemethebuzz

ive been where you are mate had the same feeling of emptiness last may on holiday where i spent 70% in the apartment swearing at Latvian blackjack dealers on the laptop because i was doing my b0llax on online blackjack i lost about 800 quid in 4 days and was constantly irritable and not only did i ruin my holiday i ruined my girlfriends holiday too 

i was a complete mess comming back from that holiday literally didnt know what to do with myself my head was a shambles

i just decided the only thing to do was cut the whole lot out and i did for months then i think i had a relapse just before Christmas but had my 5 mins of self pity and carried on with my life 

gambling completely distorts your view of life it makes everything to frantic and stressful ( all the adrenaline ) when you get a few months abistence under your belt things become a lot clearer and calmer 

the only reason i am super concerned for you is because the money you are talking about is fairly life changing hence there may be additional physcological damage that may need to be repaired 

 

 

I understand what you are saying and I will get help I need it just don’t know how to go about it, I’m a very private person and I don’t like people knowing what is going on with me........ hhhhmmmm I know it’s a lot of money I can’t stop thinking about it, the more money you have the more you lose. The more you earn the more you spend. I hope things work out for you mate and hopefully your in a better place now maybe I can be in that place in 6-12 months ? 

Hear this jrt  the sentence I have OCD ???? ALL interconnected depression/ anxiety/ OCD/ alcohol/ drugs all us if we own it probably have more than one of the list and others that can't be posted. My brother has OCD for germs and because of that has v little memories of his kids as babies/ toddlers but the last few years he has been better even makes a fuss of our dogs. A few years ago touching a dog would have been the end of the world !! We can all recover from gambling and recover from and or live with our other things. Day 6 today told my friend who is an alcoholic today I've been supporting her she's still drinking bless her. The wait for help with alcohol problems seems to be a lot longer than with gambling. I have my firstARA  phone call next monday. I'm still hoping I can be a normal happy person too maybe just maybe this is my chance ?

Look my friend 

The past is the past you won't get that back,  but you can sure make a good future but believe me it has to be gamble free as no matter how careful your it can always be that one day you loose control and it eats you up like a tiger. I don't know if your in debt my friend or if that was just your money, I'm not saying it makes any difference but if your in debt try and get it sorted but be honest as the last thing you want to do is Chase your money as even if you win today you will lose tomorrow I'm sat here today again eating food that's been provided by my local church and boy do I feel ashamed. It doesn't matter how much you've lost we're all in the same boat but in the end there is only one winner and you won't see a poor gambling site. they don't care about us.be honest get it out there as the addiction is terrible and where else in life would you be allowed to lose such an amount in a short period of time?  Nowhere it's the devil and when it has you it has a tight grip. But the help is there I don't know if it will work but give it ago. You deserve to feel better than you do at the moment and I feel for you and remember we all make mistakes and no one mistake is worse than the other,  good luck my friend 

Last few days have been very hard up and downs being angry then crying an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been reading other people’s threads and they seem to be in similar or worse positions than me. The only person that can change things is me and I’m trying now not to think about how much I’ve lost but what it would feel like to be free of gambling and how much happier my life would be ??? I can do this and beat this I just need to fix my mind on something else don’t know what but I need to do something to occupy my mind so I don’t think about gambling. Any ideas on what that can be ? 

Hi Mate,

As somebody who has struggled and can find ways around everything, I find the following set-up to be great for 'damage limitation'

Gamstop - sounds like you already have this so great.

Monzo account only with gambling transactions frozen. Stops anything outside of the UK.  Take a picture of the front and back of the card (signed) and destroy the card.

Add the card to Applepay. Means it can be used virtually anywhere now but you won't have any access to cash.

That's the damage limitation side of things. Hope that helps at least bring short term financial security.