Hi,
im not really into posting in forums but i cant get connected to netline must be busy and dont have the courage to speak to anyone and not in a good place, hence im here.
Gonna start by apolgising for the rambling and self pity im gonna indulge in.
Im a 37year old asian female not typical gambling sterotype but there we are
i have been gambling online and arcades for 15 years and have reached out twice in that time and successfully abstained from gambling. I had counselling via gamcare and found it really helpful and insightfull and was able to take practical tangible steps to both prevent me from gambling and putting myself in situations where i would get the urge to gamble.
i was gf for nearly 2 years before i had a replase.
I again reached out to gamcare got counselling didnt find as helpful as the first time but again managed to get a grip, so why why why am i here again nearly a year later..........
This week i have been gambling online again......... im on day 2 AGAIN
i understand relapses happen, i understand each time im reaching out earlier BUT why does it keep happening before the relapses i was looking at 20 years to pay off all my debts and somewhere i had accepted that I did this i will correct it but am i just weak, pathetic, stupid i dont understand why does it not sink in.
This time has hit me hard i think partly because i dont have money available as i did and also because no matter what i try or how hard i try im always back at this point.
i feel so low.....and a burden, i have 2 kids 5+8 and if they arent enough to keep me gf then surely nothing will
for the first time in my life i actually think they would be better without me dont get me wrong im not couragous enough to make it a reality if anything that infuriates me more becasue i cant complete what i start.
Tell me it will get better and stay better
Please
Hello wake up
Welcome to the forum.
You know things will get better - they have before for you and will again.
Sounds like you have made some good progress that has worked well (nearly two years is excellent) and learned ways to both prevent and stop yourself getting into situations that make you susceptible to gambling.
Preventing is great but think it's important to keep learning along the way - more learning how to live with the addiction. Some learn faster than others, I think the addiction can be more complex for some than others.
Why do you gamble?
Difficult to answer. Boredom, the buzz, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, money - there are many reasons. Could be one, none or all of the above.
Everyone is different and no one way to stop gambling works for everyone unfortunately.
It's good to keep an open-mind and try anything you think has any chance of helping.
To go nearly two years shows your counselling helped a lot so try to add to it.
Joining the forum is an excellent step and one I wish will be a big help to you. Read people's stories, see what has helped others here, netline/helpline is excellent for support, start a 'recovery' diary, join a challenge and try the chatroom. Lots happening on here - try it all to see what works for you.
Never used Samaritans myself but have had a good look at what they do to help people, if you're feeling low you can ring them and say as much or as little as you are comfortable with and if it isn't helping just hang up - absolutely no pressure, just confidential support.
There are people both on here and outside the forum who understand, want to help you and can help things get better and stay better.
Blessings
Glint
Hi wake up.
Welcome to the forum and the first thing is you need to stay here get involved and really embrace it. It will be one of your main lifelines.
Gambling is one of the worst addictions and you need to realise that it may always be within you but it can be controlled and it can be beaten with the right help and blocks.
Focus on the fact that they took your money again and left you with nothing but pain. The flashing lights of temptation which actually gave you nothing but pain. Its a complex addiction and its linked to feelings of stress depression and actually wanting to self destruct.
Its also mixed with feeings that you cant believe you were addicted and they beat you and wanted to try again for the money or some buzz your mind craves. The mind actually controls you at this point. The gambling industry did beat you because they are there to beat you. Its not a free money site...the temptation is so they can clean you out
Next you need to gain strength from this and realise you should be blocked. If you leave a way in you will gamble again and I sense you left all these doors open. Its so serious that you should be blocking everywhere online and not allowing your card to be used to sign up Block block and block again...have a word with the bank if necessary...its that serious
I have to say that if all doors are open years of gamble free joy can go in an instant. One example was I lost my gold ring the other month while coming back from a training centre. For a moment I was oh so tempted to gamble....the plans started forming and I was in a strange town with no blocks...I held myself off mainly because the trains ran at odd times and I didnt want to be stuck there later...Close though and I hovered with a few steps towards town arcades. Things happen in life and the blocks must be firm. I extended my blocks as a result of this
Please ring gamcare again as they want to hear from you. Dont beat yourself up too much about back to square one. Its the realisation that you have to step this up and treat the addiction with the fear and seriousness it deserves.
Gambling is never the answer...you must face life and get financial advice. You can only pay debts off at a rate you can afford and its best if you dont borrow again. You need financial advice about that.
Gambling is NOT a debt repayment programme and it will make it ten times worse as you have seen.
Please tell people close because secrecy will destroy you and they can be a real help
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
I would respectfully disagree with Glint about there isnt one way that works for everyone.
Connection, community, purpose.
Being involved in healthy, intimate, honest relationships.
Helping others instead of focusing on the self.
The motivation to grow beyond who you are.
Never seen anybody who worked hard at these things fail.
How you go about doing these things may be individually different. But the solution isnt.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
