It's me... Again.

As you can tell from the title it's not the first time I've been here, just over a year ago I was on her trying to get over a gambling problem i had had for 2 year, I lasted without gambling about 3 months and now well the last 6 months or so I've been bad, worse than before. This time last year I was in about £5000 worth of debt and I felt like it was the end of the world. Now I'm in about £30000 debt and I feel like such an idiot. I write this cause I've just lost 3500 in the space of 3 hours and I'm literally I've never felt so low. I don't talk to people, I never have done, I don't talk like sharing my problems with people who know me or could know me so I thought I'd try ranting on here. I forgot to say I'm only 21. I can't get a contract phone or rent a flat because my credit is that low, I really feel like this is the end like I don't see how I can get out of this, gambling has turned me into a liar. My partner thinks I've stopped after her finding out last year although she thinks it was more £20 a week not £2000 a week. The worst thing about this is I've never felt suicidal but the fact I can't provide Christmas for my family is such a downer, I'm currently off work due to a tumour I'm need removing. My partner thinks I've already brought the Christmas presents but I gambled that money and there's actually nothing. I can't get a loan, I can't get an overdraft, I can't get a credit card. Like I said I'm not the suicidal type but there's only so far I just hope I can get out of this mess;