I find this strange.
Writing in a forum for the very first time about something so personal. I've been told that writing things down can be very helpful but something I have always struggled to do, until now it seems.
I have been gambling for about 3 & 1/2 years and am currently £17K+ in debt.
The more I read other peoples forum posts and liturature that I have found for helping compulsive gamblers, the more it becomes clear that the money is the easiest thing to put right. It seems almost paradoxical though that the most difficult thing to change, and the biggest source of stress in my life, is the burden of the debt itself. By this I dont mean the money but the value that I put on money and how different I feel at the point of having it or having none of it.
I'm currently at the point where I need to start being honest with those I love about the extent of my problem, knowing that my world is about to collapse as soon as I do. I had come clean with my partner about 6 months into the problem when the debt had first escalated. She told me everything would be ok but if I ever did it again she wouldn't continue to support me. This was ok for the few months after, as the shame of what I had done was enough to prevent me from gambling again. But I never addressed the issue and as soon as I started to have some money in my pocket I was despositing in online casinos again, convinced I could win back everything I had lost and solve all of my problems.
3 years later and its safe to say that I havent won back everything I had lost, in fact i do not know the amounts of money I have lost trying to do so. Instead I have lied to everyone I know and feel as though I am leading a double life.
I know the only way to ever truely start a recover is to first be honest. The consequences of which terrify me as it probably means a new start but one without my partner and children, probably the one thing that could motivate me enough to stick the course.
As I consider my options and the consequenses of what ever option I take, I wonder if there is any one who has struggled with similar circumstances??
JimmyP
Jimmy
I signed up to this site 4 days ago and whilst it is very very early days it is the most important step to be honest. I am not the person I used to be. Like you say it is like leading a double life. I am on the verge of losing my home. I dont have a partner, but I have a son who i feel i have let down. But over the last 4 days I have gained support and advice and know for a fact that i will NOT lose anything more than the money which has gone, because I did not make the descision to get this awful addiction. I am going to fight for everything, be strong and become a better person for it.
Yes it is personal, and very strange. But we have to be honest and write our feelings and problems down. There is always help, we are all in this together. You will then decide for yourself whether to tell your loved ones.
Keep writing, and you will start to feel more hopeful. I am.
Jo
Jo,
I too am not the person I used to be. What bothers me more is that I'm not the person I want to be.
I wish the consequences were only money. I worry that It will be me significant. I honestly don't think I would cope very well if I were not allowed to see my kids again, which is very likely given my how I expect my partner to react this time.
I hope I'm wrong. I'm currently sat here trying to figure out the best way to tell her so we will see if I can get the bottle to tell her. How did you find the courage to speak to people? This seems to be the hardest part for me as I have sought help before and always abused their trust.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I sincerely hope we both find a way to overcome this aweful addiction.
Jimmy
Hi Jimmy
So, I havent really told anyone - only joked about it with certain friends - thats what I do, see the funny side. Buts its not so funny anymore. I feel I dont want to burden my friends so I am just going to carry on getting professional advice, and use this forum.
I dont have a partner or any family close to me - I think gambling has stemmed from an underlying issue because of many things that have happened - I wont go into that, but am looking to address that during my jouney too.
The only thing I can say is that I met a lovely person a few years ago, probably my soulmate. He told me he had had a gambling problem in the past. I didnt know the first thing about gambling addictions at the time, told him it didnt bother me, and just got on with things. We had some great times but he drove me crazy, because I thought he was cheating on me. He used to make excuses to go out for some shopping, petrol etc etc but he'd be gone for ages. I remember one time in the pub he was on his phone constantly. He told me he was texting his friend who was in trouble. He then went all weird, as if the world had come to an end.
Its only now i realise what he was actually doing. He showed all the signs of the secrecy, lies, making excuses, not having any money, although he had a well paid job. I honestly believe this 'other woman' was his gambling addiction. He'd been in the bookies on the slots and on his phone on the sites. I so wish he had been honest to me, because we would have still been together today if he had. He must have been in despair, and I would have helped him.
What I am trying to say is that everyone deserves a second chance. Its like me with my home, I know I can afford the repayments and I need another chance. Its got this bad I never want to be in this dark situation again - you just have to keep reminding yourself of this day, and promise yourself you will never revisit it.
you could make a list of everything you intend to do to put an end to this habit - make a plan of action before you tell your partner. Make it serious - tell her this is what you are going to do and you are going to stick to it this time because you know what you want.
Make a list of everything you have to gain and everything you have to lose. i guarantee the list of gains will be so much longer and appealing!
All the very best of luck, it takes a lot of courage but i am sure your partner would prefer to know.
Jo
So, I told her. It went as expected but she hasn't kicked me out yet. She's not happy and I don't feel any better for it. Maybe that will just take time.
It will take time, but you have done the right thing and should be proud of yourself! Well done. I've been off it for 6 days now, and 2 of those days I had money in my account. I thought about it (I can't even bring myself to type the g word!) then came on here. It helps. So keep doing what you're doing and all the best to you.
D
At least u made the move I'm on day 7 I've multi self exluded from bookies and online ones. I have read so many on here that have come clean and it's not worked for them which is why I'm doing it alone but for you gd luck
Thank you both,
I left the house without us talking so at this point I do not know where or how I will be when I get home. I have fully prepared myself up every eventually and a friend has offered his sofa for a few nights should it come to that!!
Christer,
the reason I came clean is that I couldn't lie anymore and the stress of that alone was causing me to think the worst and possible end my own life. Fortunately I have never thought this seriously but it was enough to scare me into action. I would suggest having a plan to come clean. At least this way you can sort yourself out before you do but it will lighten load when you are able to!!
j
I don't like lying but guess I havint let it get too bad but know if I said anything I will be gone
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