Just to say hello

Hi and welcome to the forum, i am relatively new here but am reaping the benefits that this place offers :]

I was just like you and thought i couldnt tell anyone so i would go it alone. you really do feel alone tho and that can be the scariest part of it. What if your husband found out without you telling him? my wife found out about mine 3 separate times and i was lucky i told her the 4th and final time as she told me she would have left if i had not told her. she told me she always knew when i was gambling. Your husband probably knows thyat something is wrong and what you dont want to end up doing is have him think its something he is doing to upset you as my wife thought i was cheating because i was so secretive with it all and she says she felt for months that she was not good enough for me when in fact it was me who was not good enough for her. You sound like you are in a happy marriage and i would say 9 times out of 10 if its the first time im sure your husband will forgive you. no one has died or you have not commited any serious crime. you made a mistake and that is all. It feels so good once you have told them and i think a lot of the time partners actually have a lot of respect when we come out with what we have done. Seriously tho if you tell your husband i promise in a months time you will come back on here and say its the best thing you ever had done to stop this addiction.

if you really cant tell your husband is there any close friend you can tell just so you dont feel like you have the whole burden on your shoulders?

great job on 5 days tho :]

Hi Pages welcome to posting & day 6:-)

Listen, I was 10 years older than you & in the gambling hole for as many years as you’ve been alive, when I 1st came here & I was adamant that I would never tell anyone...It’s the addict in us, it doesn’t want us to get strong! I would just say to keep an open mind & never say never...I speak from experience when I say abstaining can be done with effective blocks & the help of the site so don’t let any daft urges that may pop into your head tell you otherwise!

Recovery is a whole different ball game however & whilst you may think you are happy with your life in general, stopping gambling may have a strange effect on this outlook & I would urge you to @ least see if GamCare could maybe offer you some counselling to discreetly work round you? I have heard of some people having it through cyber space in their lunch breaks. Personally, I’m not entirely sure how that works & I am definitely not advocating that you go it alone, just think a bit of professional support would help you process your current situation & deal with your pain!

As my old friend Ade used to say, we’re not bad people, we just took a wrong turn! With the right support & a lot of hard work, we can turn it around - ODAAT

Hi Tunnie and ODAAT

Thank you both for your kind words it feel so good to have shared on here I can only imagine how much better it would feel if I could open up to my husband.

I honestly don’t think he does know at the minute as he would have challenged me about it

Not saying never as I certainly would like to be able to tell him at some point, but just now it’s not the right time for me and I fear any negativity could send me back down the wrong path at this time, but I do hope that in time I can come clean about everything. In the meantime I hope he doesn’t find out so I can at least try to turn this situation around, or be able to show how I have been trying, I think this would mean more to him than just words if I were to come clean now before making any attempt to change anything.

I’ll look into the counselling anything which could help would be useful. I’ll pop on here every day for a read and a chat too as sharing with likeminded individuals already seems such a good way of helping this addiction.

Day 6 GF and I will not gamble today.

Good luck to everyone else today and hoping we can all stay strong and continue down this path to a better life xx

ok i respect what you are saying and obviously cant force you to tell him. it is not a journey i would reccommend anyone to take on their own tho and i do honestly think you would struggle to find anyone that is doing well in their recovery that has not had to come clean. you sound like i used to by saying you are going to try and turn this situation around i used tot hink that and it always ended up with me sat back at a computer trying to fix the problem quickly by gambling. you say it may lead you back down a dark path but if you read most others posts that have gone through the same thing, spilling the beans may just turn this dark road into a road with a gleaming light at the end.

always here if you need to talk anyway :]

tunnie x

Hi Pages3, ODAAT and tunnie123 have given you sound advice. Trying to beat this problem on your own is almost impossible (my opinion). It requires will power alone and as you have been gambling for the last 10 years, do you honestly believe you have the mental strength to just quit the habit. Furthermore gambling thrives on secrecy, lies and deception etc.

By not telling your husband means you have to not only fight this evil problem alone, but you are carrying the burden of lies and secrecy too. It is too dfficult to overcome on your own. I know telling your husband is daunting and scares you, and of course he will be angry to begin with. But then you will have someone to support you and help to manage your finances, you can put all the blocks in place and he can look after your cards and cash etc. Please do not try and do this alone.

I and many others have been where you are, I know I could not never have have stopped on will power alone while keeping secrets. The reality is you will go online again just for a small gamble, then it escalates, then you are chasing your losses and quickly you have lost all your money again. I know as I had done it for years, repeating the process over and over claiming 'i'm never gambling again' etc.

All the best Pages3

Hi pages
And welcome...good on you for the days free from the gambling..
Tomoz will be six....and so on. ..
It really is one day at a time...
The point you made about telling hubby....and his reaction probabally sending you into a negative mood.....I totally get that...I remember writing something similar on my diary. ..
And again....I wanted to have things in place ....debts under control....blocks in place...counselling started....before he knew my sordid secret. ...all of these things I did sort before he knew.... (although my adult daughter was on board)....was it the right way....well it worked for me....when the bomb blew I was in a stronger place....I had plans in place to fight my addiction...
Had spoken to those I owed....and agreed payments ....I suppose it gave me a feeling of me taking control of my addiction...not expecting him to sort....yes...he was shocked. . (But nowhere near as angry as I had imagined he would be ).but I felt because I was taking control of things it kind of gave me the strength to say ...yes I've got a problem....but I'm facing it...and dealing with it.....if that all makes sense lol....
Anyway. ...youve got to do it you're way....I was lucky....I had my daughter to confide in ....and without looking back over my diary I can remember how many days it was before he knew...
You'll go through so many different feelings love....it's all part of the journey.....I lived on here nearly 24/7....but....it was what I needed to do....
Take a read of my journey....at the very least it will pass time....and make you are that you're not the only one to have faced this problem...take care....let those days add up.....I like to now look at my addiction as a bad friend...one who was totally selfish and prepared to take eveything from me....who needs friends like that eh ! x

Hi Thank your for your kind words and support, I will have a read of your diary. I find every post on here inspirational, wherever it be advice and support from one member to another, updates on progress and even diaries of struggles as it makes me realise I’m not alone in this and also that I can get through this. Day 7 GF and feeling good. No real urges to gamble so far and feeling quite proud of myself at the moment. Still getting old emails with deposit offers (on either new sites or ones I have excluded from) and I’m deleting without even reading. Not to worried about them as I have done Gamstop and self excluded from any I was previously active with.

I do find myself thinking about gambling a lot at the min, but more about keeping away from it as opposed to doing it.

Finding I have much more spare time at the moment and I’m also starting to sleep better as no longer constantly thinking of where my next fix will come from.

Day 7 and today I will not gamble.

Slightly apprehensive about payday coming up at the end of the month but just taking one day at a time and thinking how great it will be to not immediately have blown most of my wages on the day they are banked.

Good luck to everyone today xx Pages3 xx

Hey Pages,

I wish I had told someone sooner.

This is the first time I have tackled my addiction on the front foot and through confessing I have felt in control of my recovery. My mind is clearer, my strength is growing.

In hindsight, I went through many many stages of, right I will confess but I'll wait for x or y, I'll go a month GF then confess, I'll wait until after Christmas, a birthday, a wedding etc. Actually it was all still conning myself, manipulating my own mind. I was actually not ready to quit (despite telling myself differently) and I was basically delaying, waiting, hoping something would happen and I'd never actually have to confess. Of course I convinced myself all along that my real reason for not telling was to be fair to my wife, my children, my family - that wasn't true either. I was continuing to be selfish, to put my own protection ahead of being honest with those that think they are sharing one life with me.

If I had taken control of my addiciton earlier, lets say at your age, I would now be circa. £150k richer (amount is pretty academic but still) I would be healthier and have a stronger marriage, an even brighter future.

Well done for stopping, you've taken one small step in a better direction, keep walking that way. There will be consequences, some will be very tough to face but whatever those consequences, the sooner you face them, the easier they will be, of that you can be certain.

best wishes with your fight

Dan

Good morning all, and thank you for your post yesterday compulsive gambler, more great and wise words which I feel are helping strengthen me and helping me beat this awful addiction.

Just a short one today as dont have much time, but 8 days GF and feeling so grateful I found this site. Feeling good and positive. For the first time in a long time I’m thinking about starting to repay the debt on my next payday but also using some of the cash to buy new garden furniture and do up the garden, something which I’ve wanted to do for s long time but never had (as it’s been spent on slots) the cash to do it.

Day 8 and I will not gamble today

Good luck to everyone wishing you strength on your journey xx

Good evening just read the string . It’s significant getting to a payday that’s going to be the biggest test . Once you can break your normal habit or cycle you can then get some days under your belt and before you know it, it’s payday again. At that point you will be so much better off you wouldn’t actually believe it . No juggling , shuffling money around ,continually checking the bank and thinking what you have got left or haven’t got left . That’s a drama in itself . The advice others have given you is sound . I especially find ODAAT to be very knowledgable , eleoquent and practical so it would be wise to hang onto ODAATS coat tails . Everyone who chips in though is equally important too, not trying to suggest otherwise . It means that we all have a connection with you and what you are going through and would be so happy if you can beat this . Nothing more to add really apart from you do need to confide in someone close to you who can assist you with the financial part . You need to exclude from everything you can think of and perhaps set up a completely new email address . That way you are less likely to have something pop up and tempt you

Hi bryan

Thanks for your message, I do really find everyone’s input on here such a help, this forum is amazing and it gives me the strength to get through this each day, so a big big thank you to everyone, even to others sharing their own journeys as that I find equally as helpful.

Day 9 GF no desire to gamble feeling rather proud of myself so far. Not much to report today as off to the gym in a min and then a relaxing afternoon chilling in the house the my husband. Already the stress levels feel like they are reducing as the bank balance hasn’t changed since I last checked so I’m not logging into online banking and worrying about how to pay x and y this month.

Next target 2 weeks GF and I will get there

Good luck to everyone today xx

Thanks Don, I feel the same re letting my husband know, doing it this way is working so far although I know I have a long road ahead either way as we all do. This may change and I may tell him in the future but at this moment I’m GF 9 days and don’t feel id benefit by sharing with him and it would more likely harm my journey with the additional stress etc

Best of luck on your journey xx

Not much to say today really, another chill out with my husband, gym yesterday and today which makes me feel good, now at 10 days GF and feeling good x

Just logging in to read the posts on the site and to check in, 12 days GF now, feeling happy, life is much better without this in my life. Nothing much to report and this is more of a ticking the box exercise posting on here reminds me of my progress and the journey I’ve taken so far.