Looking for love

How do you all get through the working day? Struggling to concentrate, smile, breathe. Each minute is like agony. And you wonder how many times can you bounce back after dozens and dozens to rock bottoms

Good morning JuneBug1981,

Thank you for sharing a very important question that is on your mind,

You are not alone if you have had moments of feeling low especially around self-esteem and confidence due to set-backs in your recovery journey. The ability to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally after difficult times takes drawing from a reserve. You are more resilient than you think, you keep trying the gambling recovery strategies and you are here for peer support to try and help yourself (and you may be helping others by being so expressive and honest).

There are people who have made recovery long-term and accepted their tendencies to use gambling for various reasons has not been helpful to them and report to feel happier. Many of them have been in recovery for years and update long-term recovery diaries here on the Forum regularly. Being kind to yourself may start with looking at yourself as you would a best friend (or perhaps how friends and family see you). You can focus on the things that you are skilled and good at (for example work, caring for animals excetera). You can rebuild the self-esteem (to hold yourself in high esteem which might look like treating yourself with respect) as a foundation for that self-love and confidence. You correctly identify that hope for the future can help you get through a more difficult day. Planning activities to look forward to may make a difference for you.

Please feel free to reach out to discuss your recovery journey further with an Advisor on the Helpline anytime on 0808 8020 133.

Best Wishes,

Louise

Forum Admin

"The ability to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally after difficult times takes drawing from a reserve. You are more resilient than you think".

Thank you I cried a little reading this.

Have been devastated all day,and I'm not ready to pick up the pieces of the bomb site of my finances.

I was tempted to gamble this evening again, avoided the urge so far,  posting this instead and will try to sleep early.

I hate this. I hate this 

I'm here for you if you want to chat. I know how you feel 

@j3dwk86hx5 Thank you Steve, I would really appreciate that.

day 1 complete, I just passed out after being utterly miserable all day.

I'm 5% less cloudy today, still riddled with a lit of anxiety. and obviously a bomb site on finances that I dont want to tackle right now.

I don't want to turn to family, they have all been there worh me before and they have their own issues and I cant face harrowing them again.

so someone to talk to, lift the cloud, and give me some perspective of being human again would be great.

I know it gets easier I jsut absolutely hate hate hate the fact I'm back here. I cant believe it. I thought I had mastered this.

i cant change the past, what's gone is gone.

i cant change the past, what's gone is gone.

i cant change the past, what's gone is gone.

just repeating myself this over and over today, as I try to come to terms with my loss and battling again for a better future. 

i cant change the past, what's gone is gone.

Sometimes, when you are staring down the barrel, all you can do is fight. 

Lots of numbers of whirring in my head, how to somehow make up for this mess. What needs to be done to stay afloat. 

It's a lot of pressure, previously asking others for help gets you temporarily stabilized, but I don't want to do that route again, its 20 years of asking and sharing the burden, but does it help? Probably in the short term, but it's always ended in relapse. I have to overcome this...it's only me, and the barrel, and the fight. God help me.

Please let me help you 

You need to think positively You can do this 

Hi,

You really would benefit in talking to someone who understands.   Steve has reached out and I can do the same.

I got into a hiddeous mess in 2003 and feel the repercussions still in 2024.  This caused me to loose my beloved husband and sent my mental, physical and emotional health spiralling to a place I have not recovered from.  I am still here, living and I do have some joyful times.  I have a addictive personality and am addicted (unfortunately) to something other than gambling now. We understand how dreadful you must feel.  Please let someone help you.

It is extremely hard but you can recover.  Xx

Thanks all for the comments, yes talking it out helps. I'm doing the slightly more dangerous thing of not talking to my family (again!) - this always helps me, and burdens them. And then I still go onto relapse. Its a long 20+ year history, certainly tried it all.

Doing it "solo" is harder, as the pressure financially and emotionally and mentally is al built in to my head.

I have started on the excel spreadsheet with a plan, lots of numbers,lots of calculations.

Thankfully my work has allowed me to work extra hours per week - an extra 5 hours per week... I 'll have to work very very hard to make up for the shortfall, but by the end of the year, I want to be gamble free and healthy again, financially and mentally... so 244 days...

First milestone is May 27th...that's 26 days away and my next payment where I have a plan of what to do with it to start filling financial holes...

Today is day 2, i still had a terrible day of anxiety, but Im making a plan to get up again.. somehow.. I even did 5 minutes of exercise and some nice moments with my kid. 

Onward to May 27th.. 26 days to go...

Day 2 is better than day 1, 5 minute excersise is better than none, nice moments with your children is something to treasure. Keep focusing on the future  but take each moment as it comes, each second if you have too. X

Well done on making some positive steps. I've done some horrible things and lucky I'm not in prison or dead. Hold on to the good things in life and let that drive you to get better 

Thank you for the kind comments, they help. I woke up and after a period of anxiety, I came to the forum to read replies to give me something to take my mind away from internal and external worries.

Day 3 just begins waking up in a cold sweat, immediately mind turns to the devestation and anxiety. Is it going to be another soul dragging day? Probably. .. Do I have th strength of energy to get through it? I'm dreading the struggle ahead.

But I have a plan, if I can stick to it. In 244 days Is all I need of hard graft,... I could be financially sovereign again, if I put some big shifts in... work overtime... maybe I can have a bounce in step again, if I can believe in myself jsut one more time.

I know it's all one day at a time and some days will be harder than others. God, please let me get through today with some nice human interactions, and some genuine smiles, and not continually festering behind a mask pretending to be ok.