Looking for love

day 11 now, was travelling a lot so lost a day in travel. no relapses. generally doing ok, trying to keep.my head above water. still have flashbacks of being a few points from winning it all back 11 days ago. I know.its gone.

I'm still troubled by the mountain ahead I have to climb jsjt to break back to financial normality. I'm trying to stay upbeat though, 11 days is closer to the target of 250 days than 0 days!

day 11 now, was travelling a lot so lost a day in travel. no relapses. generally doing ok, trying to keep.my head above water. still have flashbacks of being a few points from winning it all back 11 days ago. I know.its gone.

I'm still troubled by the mountain ahead I have to climb jsjt to break back to financial normality. I'm trying to stay upbeat though, 11 days is closer to the target of 250 days than 0 days!

I was doing great, got to May 24th, energetic, working super super hard, positive and full of beans...until day 24. 

And then a major relapse, everything I worked for the entire month gone in a day, a huge huge loss. I want to scream and just someone to beat the living hell out of me. I am so disillusioned and so sickened. Im just living in a trapped cage. Im writing here again to release some of the thoughts and anger and self hate, in the hope I can feel a little better in the slow grind of today.

Anyway, I made it through yesterday at least. Back to day 2. New start date is May 26th. I don't see an end to it all, but ill try again.

@junebug1981 Hi Junebug.  So sorry to hear you are feeling like this. 😰. I can only presume you do not have all blocks in place? If not, maybe this is a great time to really be determined in not letting any gambling establishment take any more of your hard earned money and put essential blocks in place? For most of us on here, the idea was always to win money, yet, even when we have won, it usually ends up going straight back on gambling until we have lost the lot and then end up in even more debt. 👎.

I hope you have the strength to put blocks in place, to prevent you from giving in to your temptations 🙏.

Today is a new day and yesterday has gone. Make today better than yesterday - you can do this!💪.

Pink Lady. 🩷🍎.

Posted by: @forum-admin

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Good morning JuneBug1981,

Thank you for sharing a very important question that is on your mind,

You are not alone if you have had moments of feeling low especially around self-esteem and confidence due to set-backs in your recovery journey. The ability to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally after difficult times takes drawing from a reserve. You are more resilient than you think, you keep trying the gambling recovery strategies and you are here for peer support to try and help yourself (and you may be helping others by being so expressive and honest).

There are people who have made recovery long-term and accepted their tendencies to use gambling for various reasons has not been helpful to them and report to feel happier. Many of them have been in recovery for years and update long-term recovery diaries here on the Forum regularly. Being kind to yourself may start with looking at yourself as you would a best friend (or perhaps how friends and family see you). You can focus on the things that you are skilled and good at (for example work, caring for animals excetera). You can rebuild the self-esteem (to hold yourself in high esteem which might look like treating yourself with respect) as a foundation for that self-love and confidence. You correctly identify that hope for the future can help you get through a more difficult day. Planning activities to look forward to may make a difference for you.

Please feel free to reach out to discuss your recovery journey further with an Advisor on the Helpline anytime on 0808 8020 133.

Best Wishes,

Louise

Forum Admin