Massive gambling debts

Hi

your story could totally have been written by me , except I have a husband who doesn’t know the extent of my gambling,  I have started yesterday on a journey to stop, and joined this site and downloaded the link to stop the gambling sites on my phone .  I started in lockdown, and like you very pleased with myself as won lots,  and then won again, but it always ended where I gambled all my winnings away,  I work hard, and my husband works away a lot, so I have lots of time to myself, I would immediately get home from work and start gambling on my phone… nobody knows the extent it has got too.  It is out of control. I actually had to get a loan of £1000 k to hide my gambling addiction… I am starting now to stop.   I am looking for support on here.  I hope we can help each other.  

It's a difficult choice to tell a partner a gambling problem that's been on going for years. I don't know what the right answer for you is in regards to that but a massive step was posting on here and admitting you have a problem. That takes courage and I hope you have enough courage the face the damage that's been done and seek a positive future without gambling.

My experience with my partner has always been telling her as soon as possible helps stop the relapse and financial destruction sooner than later she supports me and has helped me

I hope you're partner in the future can do the same if you open up to them

Dave101

I did open up to my husband, and he was great, but since then I have spiralled out of control, and hate the thought of disappointing him all over again , he thinks I have stopped. 
I am on day 2 now of no gambling and hoping I can take it one day at a time .. it feels good already to take the steps I have.   Good luck to you too 

Sue 

I am tens of thousands in debt because of my stupidity and denial there was a problem and not asking anyone for help or telling anyone about what was going on. And I’m still having trouble talking to someone about it  this is my first post or reply to anyone and I know I need help with my gambling problem but I’m really struggling to open up about it. 

I’ve actually replied and deleted this reply 3 times I am struggling that much admitting it

I’m in the same boat. However my wife has just found out and not from me telling her. It’s not good mate. You need to talk to her. I think it would have been a bit better if I had spoken to her

The problem with hiding it also is that you are not only spending money on gambling you are spending money or credit in my case to put on a front to friends and family to show there isn’t a problem. Still going out when you’ve gambled half the mortgage already or buying stuff for the house or kids cause your wife knows you earn a good wage so why can’t you afford it? Or at least those thoughts were going through my head

I feel for you and hope you come out stronger together. I don’t think I am going to be so lucky

I am an affected other. Please, please tell your wife. She deserves to know. It will also help you to share what is going on, even if the immediate aftermath is tough to navigate. It will be so much worse if she finds out in any other way

Posted by: @05ytv7uixg

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I did open up to my husband, and he was great, but since then I have spiralled out of control, and hate the thought of disappointing him all over again , he thinks I have stopped. 
I am on day 2 now of no gambling and hoping I can take it one day at a time .. it feels good already to take the steps I have.   Good luck to you too 

 

Sue 

 

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Hi Sue

 

Your story is identical to mine.. started in lockdown out of boredom.   A few wins and that was it steadily got worse.. I also told my husband but have secretly still been gambling smalls amounts so he doesn't notice.. but almost everyday.. I've had enough now..the guilt, the loss of control,  the secrecy .. today is the day I try and stop.  Good luck 

 

 

It's the same story repeated by every single person who has a gambling problem. I have a gambling problem I lost £700.00 last week on a £100 jackpot fruit machine in the same pub. It makes me laugh because the staff seem to think that I always win when I play and I say to them there is only one winner on these machines and it isn't me!! I have lost well over half a million quid over the last 24 years. It is a living hell.....not just for me, but for us all who suffer from this invisible, terrible, terrible addiction, "illness", it's complete madness to us and those around me/you/us but we keep going back. I almost got into a fight once when someone jumped in front of me to get a £1 in the machine before me because someone put a load of money in it, lost and walked away. It's a great shame that it is allowed to go on like it does but when you have greedy people in power they will suck the blood out of your veins for a few quid. GREED GONE MAD. It wouldn't be quite so bad but the technology in machines today makes it impossible to win, while at the same time, of course, making it look like the machines are paying 94% RTP, what a load of rhubarb!! You can easily put 1K in a 500-pound jackpot machine and not even get a bonus. I know I have done it several times, £1400 being the record!! Wouldn't it be amazing if all of us gamblers just stopped overnight and never played again? I would relish the demise of the gambling industry without any remorse for them whatsoever!!!!

PS.

I'm on day 3 no gambling!! Stay strong and never give up, trying to give up!!

I am on day 5 now. And only had one urge .. and cane on here to find strength.  It worked.. am still struggling so much. And still in huge denial with my husband.  We can fight this.  I am looking forward to next month when hopefully I can see the difference in my bank account with not gambling.. someone on here said about a savings plan. And using the money usually spent on gambling for treats and special family things, I am hoping to do this.   It may not ease the guilt of how much money I have wasted, but I want to be able to do something more constructive with my time and money.  It’s so true that it’s day one everyday, and all the money is in past. We have to start from now .. and not chase the money we have lost.  I so want to kick this. Early days. But we can do this 

The shame .. I have just read my own posts from a year ago .. and now I am back on here asking for help. I feel so ashamed. I didn’t even reply to the replies. I am so sorry.  And here I am a year later still in denial. And trying to stop again. And another  20000 down.  I am on day 5 and really trying.  I have spent all my money,  my husband gave me an income from our pension, and I’ve spent it all.  I have no way to repay that much and can not face the shame in telling him it’s gone.  When he’s away I don’t eat or spend anything so he doesn’t realise am skint .. it’s an awful way to live .. we have to stop this awful monster from destroying us and our families.  I am determined to stay gambling free. And will keep logging in when I get the urge.   .. please keep in touch.  And share your stories. It really helps.  I feel so alone. 

Hello Sue Cam,

Welcome back to our Forum and thank you for reaching out to our community again.

I can see how determined you are to move past your gambling and that is admirable. It may help if you take some time to reflect on the support you have in place at the moment. It sounds like gambling was still fairly accessible to you recently and perhaps having the right tools in place could help make it more difficult. It also might be good to be aware of anything in your environment that may aggravate your gambling urges and our advisers/treatment practitioners can help you explore this in more depth if you wish. 

It's concerning that you say you don't eat when your husband is away. Whilst this term could have been used loosely I have to stress the importance of eating and drinking regularly, not only for your physical health but your mental health too and a lack of nutrition can lead to fatigue, mood changes, fainting or more. These experiences won't be helpful to you on such an important journey and there is plenty of information around eating healthily, particularly on a budget if your current situation requires you to save money. Here is one from British Heart Foundation - https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/nutrition/eat-well-on-a-budget

Our helpline is staffed by trained advisers 24/7 who have the time to speak with you and discuss how your path away from gambling can be reinforced with the right tools and support that could benefit you, all free of charge.

We hope to see further updates from you on your progress. We're here if you ever want to chat with us - https://www.gamcare.org.uk/

Thank you,

Steven, Forum Admin.