My Journey

Good luck Adam, I can relate completely and you have been so brave to take that first step. I find this forum a great place to get inspiration and to waste some time... here’s looking forward to a GF christmas!

Welcome to the forum Adam, sounds like you've taken some big steps to tackle your addiction. Im glad you chose to post and i hope you continue to update us. Personally i find it helpful to get things down and look back at various times during my recovery. This forum can be another piece of the puzzle that helps you work out why you gamble and what triggers it. Focus on today and try not to look too far ahead. Things will work out if you give them the time and effort it requires.

All the best!

Hi Adam, now that everything is out in the open you don't need to try and gamble yourself out of debt now. That's in the past. I was in a similar situation living a secret life. I now live an honest life and I can sleep at night, i'm less anxious, happier and actually look forward to the future.

One of the best bits of advice I can give is to register with www.gamstop.co.uk - UK's national online self-exclusion scheme. You can register for 5 years. I'd register for 50 years if they had that option. Not only does it close down all your existing online casino accounts, the best bit is that it will prevent you from opening new acounts. I used to spend hours trying to open new accounts that I hadn't self-excluded from in the past, and I usually managed to find one eventually. I know there will be some cynics who say it's not 100% there and doesn't block everything (it will eventually) but it's a great first step in the first few days of your recovery - a positive action which gives you a sense of hope.

Better still whilst your at it, your next stop should be to self exclude with bookies https://self-exclusion.co.uk/ Just a phonecall and a few emails and you have taken another positive action. If you put this off then you are doing it for a reason - keeping doors open so that you can gamble again at somepoint. I say that because I did exactly that before - and guess what? I relapsed. It was worse than ever because this is a progressive illness that just gets worse. These tasks will fill some time and take your mind away from the urges that will undoubtedly still be there.

Wishing you the best in your recovery.

Welcome Adam, you've had some great advice already. The only thing I would add is to consider attending ga meetings. I've found it to be the cornerstone of my recovery since I started attending in march

Good evening and thanks for replying and offering your own advice within those, it’s much appreciated.

I’m into day 4 now and still gamble free.

I spoke to my mum and sister on Tuesday evening and we get everything out in the open in terms of things they wanted to ask and also things I wanted to get off my chest. There were a few home truths but it gave me a good perspective on how moody and distant I’ve been from them, something which I would never have even considered. I have had complete support from both of them and hope to have a similar conversation with my dad and brother in law in the coming days once their night shifts have finished.

My work involves quite a bit of travel and sometimes that’s when I’d go and gamble as I’d be out and about, yesterday I was out all day, passed numerous betting shops but no urge, if anything a feeling of dirtyness towards them. For me yesterday was a big hurdle not succumbing to the ease of gambling.

Last night I visited my girlfriends parents to explain my admission and my problem, they were very understanding and offered their full support. This was an important visit for me as I want to be good enough for their daughter but right now am struggling to feel that, however their words were kind and very re-assuring towards me and the situation.

This morning I have had my assessment with a Gamcare counsellor, a really lovely lady who made me feel at ease in giving all of my information, I did this on loudspeaker as well so my girlfriend could hear that what I was saying was exactly how it was and what I’d told her previously. I’m now looking forward to my first of 12 one to one sessions with a counsellor.

The difference I feel from Monday morning at 9am to today is incredible, I no longer have this thing chained to me and I feel a lot lighter.

Over the next few days I hope to speak to Stepchange about my money situation, speak to my dad and brother in law, also speak to my girlfriends sister and husband to keep moving things forward.

Sorry I’ve gone on a bit I just want to keep getting these points out as my reference and a way of markering my progress.

Thanks so much to those who have read up to now and your kind words!

Back again soon!

Adam

Hi Adam - well done very brave and the best decision you have ever made in your life - I was In Your position and didn’t take the plunge and kept hiding it when it came out bigger and the test I lost when it came out! So well done!! You have had great advice from many others, and it’s all raw so try and keep that feeling when you told your love ones as real as possible! My advice is simple but I found so hard! Take the advice and action it all! Not some of it, not the easy bits at the moment but everything! The more barriers the less cash, the less opportunity the more chance when your head says go on its ok it’s only £10 you won’t/ can’t do it! Also Allen carr’s Book is good - read it with an open mind it does change they way I think about gambling! Keep posting and stay gf!

Hi Adam,

Thank you for your post on my diary.

Well done for finding here and most of all coming clean. Being so fresh with my story and going through the same thing I understand how hard this must of been for you. I am so glad to hear that you've got the support around you and that partner is right there with you. There is going to be a lot of mixed emotions between them all especially your partner. These are things we have to accept and the only way to work on these things is to work on ourselves as human beings. If we stay commited to being gamble free, taking the right steps, always being honest and working on repairing the damage / trust then we are going in the right direction.

I am glad to see that you are taking up the free counselling. I would also recommend going to GA, I will be attending my second meeting tomorrow and found the first one nerve racking going through the doors, but felt fine after five minutes as the people was so welcoming and we are all in the same boat and working towards acheiveing the same thing. At GA they say one day at a time and that is what I am working to.

Its not easy when your work involves you being out and about on a regular basis. My work is the same and this has made the accesibillity and secrecy to gamble very easy to do it and be undetected. But now you have become honest again, that person you probably was before the gambling got a hold of you and now everyone knows. Why would we want to go back to living that double life when we are so fortunate to have the support we do and gambling only brings misery? Being on my own on a daily basis I have started listening to podcasts on spotify. I am finding them extremly helpful and am educating myself on mental health / self awarness not only on myself but as a whole. The podcasts I have been listening to are https://www.aftergambling.com and happy place by Ferne Cotton. Don't know if its something that will help for you are anyone else but just thought I'd put it out there as its helping me, especially being out and about all day everyday on my own.

Wish you the best and keep in touch.

All here to support each other.

OAU

Evening...

So I find myself at the end of day six and tomorrow at 10-30am sees a week free for gambling. This week has been a hard week in terms of coming to terms with things but I wouldn’t change it now.

In the last couple of days I’ve spoken to stepchange and have a date for my first counselling session which is tomorrow evening.

I’m a little apprehensive but feel it’s another opportunity to strengthen my mind in moving forward.

Seeing my dad tomorrow before the meeting as for one reason or another we’ve missed each other until then.

FaceTimed my sister in law and brother in law tonight to speak to them not realising they were with some of our other friends, I came blurting our what had happened not realising they were all together.

I was a little upset as I just wanted to keep it to our families until I felt a bit stronger to tell other people, I’ve always been a sucker for worrying that other people will judge but I’m sure they’ll be understanding at my situation.

My girlfriend has ordered me the Allen Carr book to try and help me going forward something I’ll look forward to reading, everybody has said good things.

In terms of the GA meetings it is something I am definitely going to look at doing over the coming weeks.

I still feel mightily relieved but I can now see the enormity of the journey in front of me.

Hope all who read are keeping well.

See you soon.

Adam.

Doing great Adam. Take it one day at a time and by taking the steps needed to help on you on your road to recovery. No one can expect more of you than that. Don’t beat yourself up the past is done, but you’ve been brave and asked for help and shown that you want to change. Don’t let the days overwhelm you . You soon start knocking them days up. Hope tomorrow goes well.

OAU

Day 11 GF!

Thought I’d check in and just log what I’ve been up to!

Coming towards the end of day 11 and still no bet which does seem to be getting easier as the days go on.

Been a hard week with my grandads cancer diagnoses and mum was worried straight away, please don’t let this wobble you.

I feel very focused at the moment on keeping straight.

Had my first counselling session on Monday evening and found it very helpful. Counsellor’s are so good at making you find your own answers!

I took a lot from the sessions but the main question that has stuck with me is “what are the advantages to gambling” and I couldn’t answer it...spoke volumes.

Today is also payday and feels nice knowing although I am in debt my money is still my own once I’ve paid what I can, a feeling I haven’t felt in a long while.

Still struggling with the fact that my admission means we won’t be able to take the kids abroad next year but I keep telling myself this has to be done for the holidays in the future to come.

Will come back in a few days, hope everyone is keeping well.

Adam

Morning...

Just wanted to post as I hadn’t in two and half weeks!

Still going strong, 4 weeks today gamble free!

Paid nearly £1000 off some of debt before Christmas, bought presents and my money has been my own. Still a long way to go until I’m out of the woods, my next aim is to get out of my overdraft.

Haven’t really felt any urges to gamble which through a busy Christmas football and racing period has quite surprised me.

Had a couple of bad days where I’ve felt quite emotional but I’m not sure if that’s relief in all honesty.

Haven’t started reading Allen Carr yet but it’s still in my mind to do so! Also back at the counsellor this evening for my second session, hopefully I’ll feel even more progress after that session.

I honestly look back after such a short period of time and can’t believe that was me.

Onwards and upwards!

Adam.

Hi Adam

Great to see you've done 4 week g/f and are still going strong - keep posting and keep looking forwards!

Kind regards

Leigh

Forum Admin

Haven't logged in for years, your post made me do it.

I want to congratulate you, and I wanted to say to not get complacent because you can go weeks or moenths stong and one day, or one thing can trigger you off.

Don't be sad if you ever slip up, I noticed people on here are really too harsh on themselves, and we cannot offer the same compassion to ourselves that we do to others. I try to tell myself this when it comes to mind.

Good luck and keep posting on here, I'll be looking out for your thread.

Morning....

Another week has passed and now up to 5 weeks gamble free.

Struggled yesterday and really struggling today. Yesterday had a bit of a bad start at home and seem to knock me off my course really, I’m not placing blame at anyone else’s door but it just seem to knock me off track a bit. The positive being I still didn’t gamble, in the two counselling sessions I’ve had they’ve made me realise even though something bad might be happening in my life, gambling is not the thing to take my mind off it.

Feel today like everything is in my way and the money is weighing heavy on my mind, I know it’s going to take time to rectify it but today it just feels heavy on me.

I keep telling myself I’ve done so well to pay nearly a £1000 off this month and to just keep going with this thought, hopefully it will see me through.

I’ve another session tonight and hopefully will gain some more positivity from that.

Thanks for your kind comments as well. Urgh Thank you for your advice, I will keep you informed when I can.

Adam