Hello fellow gamblers,
This is the first time I have sought any help for my gambling addiction, and I don't really know what to say now that I am here so I thought I would tell you what led me to join this forum. Six weeks ago, I had almost paid off a 24,000 pound gambling debt. My next pay check would have put me back in the black. I decided to take a weekend trip up north and calculated that the flights, car hire and accomodation, would cost about 500 pounds. A certain kind of reluctance to pay came over me and, God knows why, I decided to try to win the money at roulette. I figured that if I won, I would go, and if not, then I would stay at home. I deposited 1000 pounds and started playing. Now, this is the kind of person I am. After a few minutes of play I was down about 125 pounds, but then an amazing thing happened. Instead of selecting the one pound chip, I unknowingly selected the 50 pound token and tapped the screen to lay a few bets. I only noticed my mistake when, to my horror, the 'bets closed' message lit up. I had staked all of my remaining money. I didn't want to look as the ball ran its circuit but when it came to rest on number 25, I won 6300 pounds. It took my breath away, so much so that I didn't bet on the next round, so dumbfounded was I. But can you believe that instead of cashing out and going on my weekend trip away, I decided that it was my lucky day, and played on. To cut a five-week binge short, I lost the 6300 pounds, and a further 28,000 pounds on top. I managed to stay off it for a week but today the casino gave me a 250 pound bonus so I played again. My paycheck also arrived today, and having lost the 250 bonus pretty quickly, I went on to lose another 1000 of my pay. This has been my lifestyle for about 5 years now. I live in constant debt so I really, really want to stop, and have tried many times to do so, but just cannot seem to stay off it for very long. Maybe this account of my addiction resonates with someone? Any advice?
Hi HC, welcome to the forum 🙂
Sadly, we cannot win because we cannot stop & although the numbers may differ many people here will be able to tell a similar tale of woe 🙁
When you say you have tried to stop how have you done this because that is an inordinate amount of money for a compulsive gambler trying to help themselves to have access to? Do you mean you have tried to control your gambling (i.e: stop losing) or have you actually put up physical barriers to break your gambling (time-money-location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle?
Recovery is a very hard road to walk alone & my advice is to draw a line under your losses & accept you cannot ever gamble again. To do this, the best way is to confide in people close to you, hand over finances if possible & then get some proper support either through counselling or GA to help rewire your addict brain?
5 years is a long time to have been drowning in the gambling fog. Time to start choosing 'no' - ODAAT
Hi Odaat, thanks for replying and sorry for slow response. Five years is indeed a long time. Actually, when I think about it, it goes back much longer than that, but the last five years has been the most intense. Periodically, I exclude myself from all the casinos with whom I am registered but have always sought out new ones as soon as the bug bites me again, which isn't usually long after I have decided to give it all up. I would love to give control of my money over to someone else but I am in a bit of an odd situation. I work in the Middle East and my salary is paid into a local bank account so I am always the first person to have access to it. I came accross this forum when I was looking into buying a blocking software, which I almost did until I read the details. I want to block the casinos but I don't want to block the cryptocurrency trading markets, which I fear the software will do. So at the moment, all I have is willpower and abstinance. There is no GA here at all, as gambling is actually illegal. Reading through the stories of others has helped me get through the weekend without gambling so far, so I will continue to log on to the forum whenever I feel like spinning the wheel. That is why I am here right now. It is 5.30 a.m., I have had my breakfast, and have already had to fight the urge to log on to a casino! Thanks for being here instead x
Eek, sounds messy & if I'm honest, a little bit like you are playing with fire 🙁 Both from the illegal standpoint & the crypto stuff...I have no idea what that is but if it's was bad for Superman, it probably isn't any good for a compulsive gambler :-0 Would ordering a new card & scratching off the CVV number work maybe? Or getting another account & setting up a very small standing order for living expenses then ditching the conduit for the main one? Barriers are one thing but it really does run deeper than that & maybe if you contact GamCare via the Netline they could jack you up with some online counselling? Sounds drastic but if you're sending all your money up the wall anyway, is there anyway you could get back to your loved ones for a period so that you can get support? It may be the isolation of your work that is helping to keep you on the crazy train?
It's progressive for sure, I gambled irresponsibly but in a semi controlled manner (as much as someone who is losing everything they earn & more can use the word control) for years then the loans got bigger & wages went faster until I could no longer convince myself I didn't have a problem. I wouldn't say it's ideal but there's wisdom on this site & self help stuff all over the Internet & just doing something (even if it's just standing & breathing) will give you an opportunity to ride out urges.
FWIW, I gave up my harmful gambling (machines) with the support of people on the site (albeit hubby had my finances) & only took myself off to GA in December because abstaining wasn't enough...You have to want it though & that means drawing a line under losses & accepting you can't gamble again. I'm still addicted to the forum but I'll take it anyway over where I was!
Hi Odaat, I am really intrigued by you and would like to know more about your story. There are lots posts of yours in response to other victims' comments but so far I haven't been able to locate your original self-description. When you say you were hooked on gambling machines does that inculde fruit machines and the like? I went through a phase of playing those as a teenager but progressed onto horse racing, then online live-casino roulette. I have blown all my money and more on that. Right now I have credit card and loan debts of over 36k so I need some control of my income in order to direct it towards those various debts, mortgage payments, living expenses and so on and I don't think my bank in the UK would be willing to manage all of that for me. If I can stay off it for 5-6 months, I will be in the clear but as I said to someone else on this forum, when the end is in sight, my tendancy is to try to take short-cuts by gambling again. If I can stop doing that, I will be okay, I hope. I agree with you that this forum is helpful. I am talking to you right now instead of gambling, and already feel much more positive about abstaining. You are right about going home for a while. Actually, I have just returned from a six-week holiday there. My family knows about my gambling but they do not know the extent of it. I have to be the supporter when I go back, not the supported, so we don't discuss it.
Okay, sorry, silly me. I was looking in the forum posts but not at your profile. Just located your 'diary of shame'. Will read now
Hi Odaat, (if you are reading this), I think you are a prolific writer. I am only up to February 2015 in your diary but am already hooked on your vivacious prose. You have made me laugh and cry in just two pages. Do you write in a professional capacity? If not, you definitely should.
Ha, I spent years 'holding my family together'...I don't regret it because I know my Nan would be buried in eternal shame now had I not managed to get her & her sister talking again before my Aunt died but I think maybe I should have been focusing on my problems.
Staying 'clean' for 5/6 months sounds do-able if you've been in this situation before & got close to clearing your financial mess up...For me, not so much. Everytime I 'did my finances', I knew the exact date when I would be straight but there was a whacking great proviso on the end of that & that meant me not gambling! Consequently, every day I gambled (everyday when I wasn't doing a late start or a night duty) that date moved further & further away. Being in a position to clear your massive debt down in such a short amount of time is a smack in the face as to this not being a financial problem...I only ever wanted to be rich so I could gamble, a true indication that something isn't wired right. Don't get me wrong, I loved splashing the cash on others but I never had dreams or aspirations because they would have taken away from my gambling. If you made it through my diary a) you're made of very stern stuff & b) you will know that the bank of Nan straightened me out a number of times so that 'gambling to clear my debt' was a bit of a misnomer. I'm not suggesting the bank manager dish you out your pocket money but there must be a way you could set up standing orders from the account your money goes into to deal with half the payments. What about destroying the card for that one & setting up another account for your living expenses...It's probably damage limitation more than a barrier but we can't crazy chase without funds.
Soz, I did read it but I'm @ the end of a v long week of work & sleepy-time won over. Thank you for your very kind words but no I don't write professionally (I don't think there are enough exclamations marks in the world for that) apart from the odd structured report & funnily enough, they're not my strong point ;-0
Hi Odaat, same for me. I have been pushing the 'clear' date back for four years now !! Every time I get close I think, right, I am going to finish this debt off in one fell swoop. Five grand deposit, double that and I'm home and dry. I can't count the number of times I have done that, and ended right back at square one, all maxed out on every line of credit. That's where I am right now. This time, I really do feel different though. I won't try to take any short cuts and I never want to go back to it once I am clear. The casinos have given me the maximum 5 year exclusion. Some of those will be expiring soon so I will have to renew them. Why can't they accept my request for a LIFETIME ban?? What do they think, that they have a right to tempt me back into their trap every five years? It is criminal. It occured to me today that they should carry warnings, just like cigarette packets do now. A huge picture in the windows of every slot parlour, bookie, and casino of a penniless young wife crying her eyes out as the family home is repossessed, or a middle-aged man contemplating suicide after his whole paypacket disappears down the drain. Government warnings on every machine: 'Gambling seriously ruins your life' etc. Changing the subject back to banking, not sure I can deal with the pocket-money thing. Too many unknowns that could pop up, and I don't want to be unable to pay for them. My method is to try to link every trigger with a memory of losing money. So far so good. I know it is early days but I am okay. Triggered a couple of times today but dealt with it mentally. Funnily enough, one of my triggers is paying off the debt. I opened my credit card account and transferred all my money into it to pay down some of what I owe. Normally I would then say to myself, right, lets get that back on the table. Not today, alḥamdulillāh! as they say around here! all the best x
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