Hi everyone. I'll try to keep this as brief as I can but there's a lot to get through.
I'm 24 and worried this awful addiction has ruined my life after an unimaginable blowout in the past 10 days which has wiped out almost my entire life savings.
About four years ago I started betting regularly on the horses, just small stakes at first. Unfortunately, I began to back some winners. Beginners luck of course, but it felt good and easy. I thought if I studied it in more depth I could make even more and it would serve as an additional income on top of my fairly low paid full time job.
Of course, and fellow CGs in here will know what's coming next, it wasn't long before I became overconfident, upped my stakes and the losing run started. Shortly after that came the chasing of losses, and betting on other things like football or even US sports, which were either harder to profit from or I knew less about. And before long, I'd blown a load of money I'd worked incredibly hard to save. Disaster.
It's funny because generally I am the last person to spend frivolously. I rarely go on nights out with the lads because clubbing isn't really my scene, holidays are a rarity and just generally keep my expenses down as much as I can. For a young person and especially compared to similar aged friends I had saved a well above average amount, which made it even more gauling to see it wiped out so easily. But also very scary how quickly gambling took hold of me and changed who I am as a person forever.
Anyway, I stopped for a few months, deciding I'd given over enough of my hard earned to a certain bookmaker, but within a few months I had opened up a new account somewhere else. Once again I had some success initially and made some of my losses back. A part of me must have felt there was still a chance I could make it all back, and so I kept pushing my luck which inevitably meant it wasn't long before I was in loss territory with this new firm and back to my old ways. Over time I made this back, turned a small profit even whilst still well down overall and for a while things calmed down a bit. I seemed to develop this knack for avoiding a crash by getting a winner when I needed one but deep down I always knew there was this potential for another major blowout at some point, and sure enough it came this month, about 2 years on from the last one and a similar amount. Without putting an exact figure on it - frankly I don't want to think about it too much - it will be over a year before my account recovers, assuming I'm still in employment for the next year.
Worst of all, it's not even the money that hurts the most. Sure, I could have done loads with it, but it can be earned back. And at least I don't have any debts to speak of. No, what hurts the most is knowing what this will do to my immediate family when they find out. They don't suspect a thing and have no reason to do so, because nobody would ever think I was capable of losing control in this way. I'm intelligent, hard working and the value of money has been drilled in to me from a young age, so why would they?
I still live at home, paying about one fifth of my salary monthly, and when Mum - who is absolutely brilliant by the way, and does far more for me than simply keep a roof over my head - asks about savings I just tend to be as vague as possible to avoid outright lying. I'm not sure how much longer that will cut it, must be a matter of when and not if that the sorry truth will come out. I dread that day more than anything, the relationship between me and my Mum changing forever. I love her immeasureably and like any son I just want to make her proud, but obviously my actions are more likely to make her ashamed and it breaks my heart that she will never look at me the same way again when it all comes out, ditto other family members.
I could come clean now, but my head is in such a bad place right now I honestly feel it will make matters worse. Especially as she's very anti-gambling, there is no way she would be able to understand what I've done or how I've let things get this bad when even I can barely understand it. She watched the recent BBC documentary that was on and made comments along the lines of gambling not being a proper addiction like alcohol or drugs, but self-inflicted. So it's fair to say she would take this very badly.
I know what I need to do now and that's self-exclude. I'm also keen to look at using my free time in the evenings for a second job to help make the money back faster. I was looking into home based stuff along the lines of data entry, transcribing, etc. There's a few firms out there that I hope might be willing to give me a chance. Beyond that, I have absolutely no idea what else I can do. I'm stuck in a dead end job and my social life is a mess now as well because gambling has took over completely. And in trying to save even harder for the next year, I'll have next to no money for going out at all anyway.
I feel lost, and as I say at the top this is my lowest point. Every waking thought is related to the amount of money lost, ways I can make it back quickly legitimately, and what on earth I am going to do when the truth comes out. Naturally this leaves me feeling miserable all the time. The self loathing I feel is immense. It totally consumes me to the point I can't even enjoy watching a TV show or film in the evening.
It's a pretty miserable existence, but mostly self-inflicted. There were times when I should have been stronger and walked away and didn't. I'm committed to beating this though. Suicide is not an option, it's the ultimate cowardice. I have to accept responsibility, draw a line and move on. As hard as that may be, at first. I hope that every day will get easier from here.
Hopefully being around other people who have been through the exact same thing will help me. Just typing this out has helped a bit, and well done to anyone still reading- sorry I'm not better at keeping things short and sweet.
Finally, all the best to anyone else who has been through this or is going through it now. I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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Hey guys,
Im 18 and can relate a lot to what is being said on here! I've said to myself countless time that this is the end but low and behold i relapse and fall back into the trap of putting just 'one more big bet on.'
The feeling of losing vast amounts of money is numb to me now and just say to myself "there's always that one big bet they can get me out of this mess" stupid I know.
Have you guys got any tips to deal with these urges? I'm £5000 down but thankfully not in debt.
Hi PastForgetting, welcome to the forum. Your story struck me because I can relate to more or less every single aspect of it. I'd like to share with you some details of my own experiences with problem gambling to demonstrate that you're not alone.
Like you, I started betting with small stakes several years ago - it was never a problem, and I could always walk away from a loss without feeling the need to win it back. I was then unfortunate enough to go on a "winning" streak that gave me the utterly false impression that I had discovered some sort of fantastic easy win to make quick money - that I was some sort of professional who knew better than others what I was doing. Of course, this naturally was quickly followed by the inevitable losing streak to the sum of thousands of pounds.
Like you, problem gambling aside, I am and have always been particularly careful with money - many who know me might feel the phrase "tight-fisted b*****d" is appropriate! I am generally the last person people would expect to have this sort of problem and to have lost thousands of pounds to something like this. The fact is that it is completely and utterly illogical - but the key thing I have learned from this is that our problem is a mental illness, and mental illness does not discriminate in its victims, nor does it have to have a rational, logical cause. Some believe that only those who have had difficult upbringings are likely to succumb to problem gambling as a means of escape, but that's not the case - anyone can be affected. Clinical depression can strike even those who have a fantastic family, friends, job - all seemingly worthwhile sources of happiness; similarly, compulsive gambling is a mental illness that can strike anyone despite there being no rational explanation.
As for whether you should tell your family about this - ultimately, this is only something you can decide is the right thing to do. Personally, I've chosen to keep this hidden from my family because I feel it would do more harm than good - this illness has caused me enough suffering over the years, and I don't want it to burden or worry my parents in any way whatsoever. This does not mean you should feel you have to do the same; each person is unique and what works for someone may not be right for another. What I would say, thoug, is that with all due respect to your mother, I believe her views are outdated and based on a lack of understanding of how this illness works. Ultimately, yes, there has to be an element of personal responsibility for one's actions - no-one takes a gun to our heads and forces us to put on a particular bet - but the fact is that it is far, far, far too easy to fall into the trap of problem gambling when you can't turn the page of a newspaper or watch adverts during TV football coverage without the latest odds flashing up in front of you. You wouldn't see adverts encouraging you to try heroin plastered all over the TV and newspaper, so the fact that this is the case for something else that is every bit as vile, toxic and destructive angers me. No-one on this forum will have set off with the intention of losing thousands of pounds, or their family, or their property, but the aggressive advertising of this vile industry makes it terrifyingly easy for people to fall into the trap of doing so.
The part that worries me the most about your post is that you say you feel immense self-loathing. I have been there - feeling like I am some sort of worthless low life who doesn't deserve the things I have. The key point to remember is that this is not you - you are better than this. This is the illness talking, taking a hold of you, warping your mind into thinking you don't deserve to enjoy your life. Don't listen to it - you do deserve to be happy and to enjoy your life. From your post you appear to be an intellegent, articulate person - you've recognised the problem, you're not in any sort of denial, and you seem determined to do something about it. In the mean time, please remember that you do deserve to feel happiness and to enjoy your life and don't be fooled by this vile, odious illness that is telling you otherwise.
You've had a huge setback, and you must be feeling absolutely devastated at seeing your hard-earned money go down the drain. But you don't need to feel like it's ruined your life in any way. You're only 24 - you have a lifetime ahead of you to be positive, to beat this horrible illness. If you can channel that determination you have to beating this, you will earn your money back and then more. It's only natural to reflect on how much you've lost and to think "I could have done X and Y with that money" - it's human nature to want we don't have and think how much better life would be if we had it - but the reality is that money does not equate to happiness, and you can find happiness in your life through things you enjoy doing. Personally, I've found that travelling and music to be wonderful sources of happiness - through this, I have met great new people, formed real, genuine human connections and enjoyed fantastic experiences that have formed part of the person I am today. These are very real, worthwhile experiences, unlike gambling which initially provided what I now understand was nothing but a cheap, hollow, empty, worthless thrill - seeing a number on a screen grow and thinking it constituted some sort of easy wealth when in fact it was no more than Monopoly money, utterly devoid of any meaning or substance whatsoever since the inevitable outcome was the losing streak and the loss of thousands of pounds. You are still young, and I have no doubt that if you put your mind to it and channel the determination you demonstrate in your post into beating this, you will do so. Best of luck.
Colin
​hello I'm Adam and I can relate to what ur saying about letting ur parents down and not wanting to tell them, you
​I have let my parents down by taking drugs and as a result having mental health issues and have had to move back in with them. I also gamble and have hidden it from them for a while. You can either keep on lying which is a mission or tell them the truth and at least u wont have to lie anymore. U haven't got a drug problem and haven't got into lots of debt like lots do uve just lost ur savings. As ur living at home like me you can easily save up again. I would recommend still keeping busy and having a social life . Ones thing for sure is ill realise how important not gambling is. U seem like a hard working responsible person so the best of luck to you. Keep strong a
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