I am completely embarrassed to be writing this. Over the last few years I have developed a gambling addiction and have run up around 20,000 debt. My family and partner are really struggling with this. I have been using the recover me app for 2 weeks and I am waiting to start therapy. My partner does not think this is enough though and we are constantly arguing. Apps keep telling me to be proud of myself for being 2 weeks gamble free but I feel anything but proud. I feel worthless, guilty and ashamed of myself.
Dear @katiemay13,
Welcome to the GamCare forum, and well done for making your first post. I'm sure you'll be welcomed with lots of support from our forum members here. It sounds like you've been going through such a difficult time, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling. Please don't be so hard on yourself as you've taken such a brave step in admitting that your gambling has become a problem and in deciding to reach out for help and to speak about it. It sounds like you have already taken some very positive steps.
If you're struggling with debts, charities like National Debtline or StepChange can offer free and confidential advice on dealing with debt and regaining control of finances. Why not give them a call for some advice?
If you haven't already done so, and if you'd like to explore some more options you might find helpful, or to look at some other practical steps, such as gambling blocks or self-exclusion, why not give one of our advisers a call on the helpline? There are various ways you can get in touch with us, and you can learn more about these on our website. Our advisers are available to take your call 24/7, so please feel free to call whenever suits you best to speak with us.
Wishing you all the best with your recovery. Take care, and do keep posting.
Kim
Forum Admin
Hi Katie,
Be very proud that you’ve recognised you. have a problem and chosen to do something about it. The app is a great start and you’ve done well.
It’s normal to feel ashamed and embarrassed and perfectly normal for family and friends to be shocked, disappointed etc. It can take time for them to come to terms with something that they may see as deceit of betrayal.
As well as support for you there is also plenty of support for families of gambling addicts so seek out that support and educate them so they will see it’s an illness, not something you choose to be.
Good luck and well done.
Hi Katie,
Welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to learn of the difficulties you are facing however, you have identified that you want to stop gambling and get better. I congratulate you on that decision.
You can once again have the trust of your family but this takes some time. This is a good thing because your on a journey now. Not just to stop gambling but to improve as a person which should make perfect sense. Gambling addiction is atrocious and makes us the worst possible versions of ourselves. We become trust less, sneaky and deceptive liars. Remove gambling from our lives and all of these consequential character flaws will cease to exist. Then, we grow as people and we flourish.
Everyday your goal is to go through that day without gambling. Do this with a positive outlook. You are not giving anything up. Rather, you are removing something which has affected you in horrendous ways. Go to bed each night and pat yourself on the back for being committed to yourself, your family and your future together.
At the beginning it can seem slow and progress not what you may have imagined and you will face difficult moments. These are just moments and you’ll battle through them and each time you’ll get stronger. As the weeks and months build you’ll be a completely new person.
I added things to my life to help improve me and to make me feel better about myself. Running helps massively for me. I go the gym and I started reading lots. The exercise helps my mood and the reading relaxes my body and brain. Both fill time. Both make me healthy.
The debt can only get lower if you don’t gamble. It lessens with time and will become manageable. The money I spent on roulette was crazy so when I stopped I quickly realised that I had more than I thought and could repay some debt every month. I no longer have gambling debt. I have a fairly good life instead now.
You can definitely do this. One day at a time. Don’t worry about next month or next year. Simply focus on today. You will change your life, become stronger, better, more focused, happier, more at peace, less stressed and you will absolutely become trustworthy and someone to be replied upon.
Start a diary today. Log anything and everything about your journey, feelings, difficulties etc. people will help and support you. You come across as a nice soul to me. I’m excited for you. A new life beckons.
RR
@rouletteregret Nice post, gave me some hope. would you be able to share your "testimony" as your username seems to resonate with me.
I have a recovery diary called worry and regret. It’s on page 1 of the recovery diaries. Feel free to peruse at your leisure.
RR
Your initial feelings of worthlessness guilt and shame are quite normal.
I dare say every one of us who have been where you are now felt exactly the same.
But here`s the good news, the bridges can be rebuilt, and relationships can get back to some sort of normality, but it takes time and lots of hard work.
You can`t change the past, no one can but you can alter the path of the rest of your life.
At some point in the future you will have to learn to put it all in the past and move on.
Understanding why you gambled is important, in my own recovery i have learnt that i could never just sit and relax, there were deep issues there too, but learning to be at peace with myself and put things in the past have not only helped me stop gambling but also helped towards a better and more relaxing lifestyle.
Don`t be too hard on your family and husband, its a lot to take in and digest, things do get better.
What you did in the past doesn't have any bearing on the good decisions and hard work you are now doing, learn to accept praise and also praise yourself for the good things you are now doing.
Finally, and i hope this gives you lots of hope and gets you in a positive frame of mine
3 days of extreme anger from my partner.
2 months of smouldering anger
and a further 6 months of lack of trust,
but one comment of `i know how hard you are trying the bank statements make for good reading` made months of unease wroth while.
Best of luck, you won`t need it though, you will smash this.
@rouletteregret Hi mate ive been able to get a new job and a new tenancy its a room in a nicer area than i previously was so its a start, im now 15 days free from gambling and feeling better. on the first look of your profile 1000 days free wow, impressive. well done. by the way im just delving into your post im on the first page and "I can go weeks or months with hardly spending a penny on myself only to blow hundreds or thousands in one day and my situation worsens. " that is literally how my gambling went in the past i wasnt a everyday gambler i would be so disciplined and then bang i would go on a binge weather it be a day or a week until it was all gone !! I believe i am on my road to recovery just as you are!
Well done on 16 days gamble free. That is a tremendous effort.
I am delighted to learn that you have a new job and a new place to live. These are positive things and it looks like you are taking advantage of a fresh start.
Keep improving and keep your focus. Day by day you are building a new and improved version of yourself and you are building towards the future you want. The rewards for this are ahead of you. You are on the right path.
If I were you I would create a new diary on the “recovery diary” forum. That way you’ll be easy to find and you’ll receive lots of help, support and encouragement. Most importantly you’ll be able to read back and keep track of your progress.
RR
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