My son is a compulsive gambler

Mmmm Galaxy. I shouldn't be exposed to chocolate this early in the morning, that's my other vice! Thanks WCID, it sounds like you're doing a great job supporting your son. High 5! x

Hello lovely lady! I'm fine thanks, in fact I'm positively well for a nice change! I hope you are too and your gorgeous boy is still on the straight and narrow. I can't believe the last post on your thread was mine back in March but I know you get your support from the Facebook group. Big up the FB crew!

xx

Twelve months on. Just been reading my diary as it's twelve months ago this weekend I discovered about my sons gambling addiction. What a hard year it has been, lies, arguments, secrets, tears, stress.. but we've survived..we're in a better place now. He's in a better place, much happier, he has money, his bills get paid, he has a lovely girlfriend, he has a house.. has he stopped gambling? No he hasn't, he has a £10 or £20 bet every week or so.. that is a massive improvement from where he was twelve months ago. I would like him to stop altogether but that has to be his choice. i know things could change at anytime, plans are in place, we are much wiser now. That's the first year over a lot has happened but we've got through it as a family. A big shout out for my CGU family who have been with me every step of the way, I am eternally grateful to you all... I am relieved I have my lovely son back whose life is so much better than it was twelve months ago...for that I am happy.

Nice to hear that things have improved in both yours and your son's world. Long may it continue:)

Cathyx

Your post shows there can be a way out and life can imporve. Your son may be having the odd flutter and like you I would feel "please abstain completely" but you will soon know if it is going out of control because you will recognise the change in behaviour and mood. But you and I and other parents on here have been on a learning curve and now know what to look out for and how to handle it and where to go for help. I was completely ignorant about the whole gambling problem and it is a real eye-opener. The fact is the problem is now out in the open with us and I hope that gamblers on here will learn that the secrecy of the problem is the very worst thing and the sooner they tell/confide in someone the better. Things are improving our end as well but it has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and I am exhausted and probably won't relax for a while. Still keeping an eye on everything and will continue to do so until I feel comfortable about things. It is heartbreaking listening to all the youngsters coming on here. There should be more advice for schoolkids about this problem to discourage them and I feel perhaps parents should have warnings about it as well and be told what signs to look out for etc.

Take care.

Your post shows there can be a way out and life can imporve. Your son may be having the odd flutter and like you I would feel "please abstain completely" but you will soon know if it is going out of control because you will recognise the change in behaviour and mood. But you and I and other parents on here have been on a learning curve and now know what to look out for and how to handle it and where to go for help. I was completely ignorant about the whole gambling problem and it is a real eye-opener. The fact is the problem is now out in the open with us and I hope that gamblers on here will learn that the secrecy of the problem is the very worst thing and the sooner they tell/confide in someone the better. Things are improving our end as well but it has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions and I am exhausted and probably won't relax for a while. Still keeping an eye on everything and will continue to do so until I feel comfortable about things. It is heartbreaking listening to all the youngsters coming on here. There should be more advice for schoolkids about this problem to discourage them and I feel perhaps parents should have warnings about it as well and be told what signs to look out for etc.

Take care.

I think its really great when a family member gives that level of help

Its not easy and it does ultimately rely on the gambler feeling a sense of relief in someone controlling the finances. Ive been at the stage decades ago when I would have loved that sort of help from my mum and dad. It was unfortunate that they didnt understand my addiction as a cry for help and saw it more as a silly, foolish, greedy young man who needed to grow up.

I know the feeling of wanting to stop was just wanting to hand my money over. I was sickened by money and my lack of control. I know the feeling and its because I couldnt cope and actually having a mental breakdown. Gambling was what I did when stressed and alone...infact it was more a feeling of having no future.

Being totally honest I wanted to move home for a bit but they wouldnt have me perhaps for understandable reasons. I was drifting round a city and they were 30 miles away so I dont know if it would have developed logistical issues with limited access to money. As it was they handed me say £100 for living expenses and I would just go and gamble it away.

So as long as the gambler is not railing against things it does work. I do think receipts need to be provided though and for a long time it needs to be ensured that the money for a shirt goes on a shirt.

I have come to believe that it is always in us waiting for an instant trigger we havent mentally compensated for.

I am working on sorting my life out with friends and a clear purpose. Put it this way...I wouldnt want to be alone, feeling down and aimless at a motorway service station with the machines there...Thats being honest as one possible trigger.

I have discussed these things with my parents.

Best wishes

Hi WCID , How lovely to read that things have improved so much from where you were 12 months ago , although I can't believe it's a year already since those first difficult post's .

I said back then and I'll say it again , your sons a very lucky man to have such a supportive family around him , alway's there and willing him on towards a better life :)).

Looking forward to getting updates of his continued progress , thanks for the support youv'e also given to myself and many others on the forum along the way over the last year ..

Wishing you and your family all the best for the future :))

Alan xx

Happy Christmas my lovely, so pleased the end of the year has been easier for you than the start, and long may it continue.

Arnold xx

I still think youve done an amazing job WCID. Its one of the toughest things ever and that is what gambling does. It reduces adults and most often their families to monitoring allowances.

It is for the best though. I agree with Cynical Wife and others but do feel its essential if possible for others to step in and at least save the majority of bank balances and make sure bills are paid. Obviously the gambler has to be ready to agree and it shouldnt cause too much tension if the gambler accepts that. Its not going to work in every situation but feel families should try and discuss it rather than do nothing

Nobody said it was easy and the gambler must be reaching for a born again moment. I have to accept that Im a middle aged man with financial monitoring. Im happy to accept that because I destroyed these peoples trust in me. I can only regain by pride by accepting that and building the way forward.

I know he has to be ready to accept all forms of help but do feel the family have an important role in realising just what steps are needed. I said before my family tended towards the silly fool who must grow up approach many years ago and handed me money which I gambled again.

I know its not their fault and its not their ultimate responsibility to cure me but they did suffer the devastation of watching me destructing.. I didnt understand the power of the addiction at that time and neither did they. I attended GA a few times but found it a bit heavy. I did reduce my gambling and even stopped for longer periods but I was never what you would call in control.

I dont know the full situation but it seems he has improved greatly and WCID is keeping an eye on things. I hope that there is a general honesty with girlfriends and everyone is keeping an eye on things. I cant say Im fully happy with him having a gamble but I will take that for now with monitoring and honesty surrounding it

I hope your son can keep talking it through, consider abstention and realise that the triggers may always be within him to some extent

Best wishes from everyone on the forum