Hi,
I have been meaning to do this for a long time.
My name is T and I am a gambling addict and I would like to share my story up to date with you.
My first experience of gambling was when I was 17 and playing a slot machine. It was one of the original deal or no deal machines with a 70.00 jackpot. I remember my friend pressing buttons and repeated the jackpot for me. 10 for 140 within 5minutes?! that was 130 profit with no work what so ever.
From that day I would constantly play slot machines where ever I went. It was not serious and never gave me and implications to not being able to afford anything, so I never worried about it.
I then finished a-levels and went to University where I found the casino, I started playing roulette and blackjack where my and my friends had a rule. We would go with 20.00 if we doubled it to 40 we would go out on a student night. If we lost it we would go home. No harm and lots of fun. Was gambling causing me issues at this point? Nope.
The turning point of my gambling career must of been November 2008. I went to the casino after a night out and managed to win 2000. WOW what a amazing feeling, I felt I was on top of the world and invincible.
The following day I went and purchased a brand new 42" tv for 600 and had it in my university halls. I was the envy of all my friends and they obviously wanted to win that much money or see my trying to win it!
Urged on and with the feelings of winning big I subsequently went to the casino most days of the week until Christmas. I had no managed to win big again and managed to loose the remaining winnings. The day I felt I had a problem was the first day back after Christmas and student loan day.
Within 3 hours I had spent 2500 of my student loan and felt sick. My friends reassured me that you are young once and it was only a bit of fun this sunk in. From that date to this date I have spent ALL my excess wages and student loans (after rent etc) on gambling.
This is 6 years later and nothing has changed. In those 6 years I have won numerous amounts of money including 5000. Guess what? I lost it.
I do not have a family to look after and also live at home with my parents and have a partner that loans me money without 'seeing too much into it' don't get me wrong. I always pay my partner back. But I do lie to her what the money is for!
If I did not have her or my parents I would be in a MUCH worse place. And sometimes I wish I was in that place to feel the so called 'Rock Bottom'.
I have tried lots of advice such as self excluding my self from bookies and casinos. I spent 12 hours one day excluding from as many bookies as I possibly could, it was then I realised that how many bookies there actually is. Within 20 minutes of me there is 30. Within 30 minutes there is 50.. the more I travel the more there is.
To self exclude from every single bookies in my traveling range is simply impossible.
I have also tried to self exclude from all online website and use gamblock etc. It really does not help me as I find ways around!
I have tried counselling face to face and really did not enjoy it and felt anxious and nervous to go to the sessions. I did not benefit at all.
I have tried counselling online (i have learnt a lot from this).
Unfortunately, I am not addicted to the winning side of gambling. I win money and show 0 emotions. I lose money and my heart pounds and that is when the adrenaline really hits me.
I feel my happiest when I have no money. If i have money in my bank or pocket I feel nervous and anxious. I feel I have to gamble the money to feel normal again!!!
Please appreciate my grammar and spelling mistakes. I have just wrote this down from the top of my head.
There is a lot more to my story. And I will update later about a big win that I am sitting on and how it is affecting me.
Thanks,
T
Hi tt,
You say you only feel happy when you have no money? Well, carry on gambling then. Why do you want to stop? You'll be the happiest man on earth soon 😉
Gambling only ever has one 100% guaranteed outcome over time - LOSE= No money.
But you've come here because you want to stop.
If having no money really relieves the pressure of needing to gamble then just give away all your excess funds to charity.
But you won't do that.
Why?
Because you love the buzz and have become addicted to it.
Only you can analyse why you need that buzz so badly. No therapist, no councelling, no self-exclusion will stop you. But, they may set you on a path where your own self-thought helps you to work it out.
I'm happy to listen if it helps. No judgement. I've been there. We've all been there.
Molehole
Sad thing is when I have money no matter how much I want to gamble it ...
Apparently a form of self harming / self destruction that I have become addicted to.
I won a massive sum of money the other day and currently waiting for it to hit my bank account.
I don't want to gamble it........ really don't. I hate the fact I do this to myself.
Sad thing is when I have money no matter how much I want to gamble it ...
Apparently a form of self harming / self destruction that I have become addicted to.
I won a massive sum of money the other day and currently waiting for it to hit my bank account.
I don't want to gamble it........ really don't. I hate the fact I do this to myself.
I'm not a professional therapist or debt advisor, so please take all my opinions with a pinch of salt. But, I've been in your position. So in practical terms I would recommend setting up a 'parachute bank account' or a trusted friend who the MOMENT your big win funds hit your account you can transfer it, so temptation to gamble it again later in the day isn't an option.
Again in my experience, if it really is a BIG win, then most online gambling sites will only let you withdraw it a few grand at a time, so even more important to transfer it to an account/friend where you can't get hold of it, each time the grands clear.
It might make you feel scratchy to do it in the moment, but trust me, just do it. You have a real chance here to not let gambling losses haunt you in the wee small hours for years.
Addictions can often be a form of self harm. Any self-destructive behaviour is. Whether it's gorging yourself on Skittles at the light end of the spectrum, or cutting your arms with scissors at the extreme end. It's all self-harm. But it usually comes from a fear of not having control over our lives.
Like I said, I'm no psychologist, but you have a real chance here to take back control and not fall back onto addiction crutches. Walk tall my friend.
Molehole x
Sad thing is when I have money no matter how much I want to gamble it ...
Apparently a form of self harming / self destruction that I have become addicted to.
I won a massive sum of money the other day and currently waiting for it to hit my bank account.
I don't want to gamble it........ really don't. I hate the fact I do this to myself.
I really respect the advice you have given me and the 'take back control' is the main reason I am here talking to others.
You are correct that initially the casino said I could only withdraw it a day at a time. But fortunately they agreed to let me withdraw it all in one lump sum.
I agree I need to send it to someone else.. but that will be strange.. I have all this money can you look after it for me...
I really respect the advice you have given me and the 'take back control' is the main reason I am here talking to others.
You are correct that initially the casino said I could only withdraw it a day at a time. But fortunately they agreed to let me withdraw it all in one lump sum.
I agree I need to send it to someone else.. but that will be strange.. I have all this money can you look after it for me...
Obviously only give your money to people you trust. Family/Close friends. But if that's not possible then go to your local Post Office tomorrow and open up a high interest savings account. You can't access the money deposited for minimum 90 days/maximum 3 years.
Enough time to work through your gambling issues. All you need is utility bill, or driving licence or passport for ID. Then transfer the money each second it clears on your regular account.
I mean this. Don't wait for it all to go back to some gambling site's rich P***k boss with his big flash car and offshore tax haven house, laughing at you as another mark/sucker.
Molehole
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