Need to confess to my husband

Don't chase the lose X it will put you in a deeper hole.

Welcome pop's. ..and well done for sharing your story. ..sadly it's a very familiar one now a days. ..
Maybe to protect that money in your account....ring the bank and report your card as missing/lost. ..that will at least protect it from landing up in an online slot machine in the next couple of days...give you a bit of time to speak to hubby...
You know about blocks...triangles..etc. ..you've done sometime gamble free without support...I did as well...made every excuse to not tell hubby....feared all the reactions your scared of...actually..after the initial shock..it was ok...and actually enabled me to really focus on fighting my addiction...take care.. stay in touch

Hi cocopops

Welcome to the forum and a place that will help you if you WANT to stop gambling. As I've said many times on here and to people, gamblers are the Best liers in the world and we will go to any lengths whilst we are gambling. Like yourself I said to myself many times I needed to tell my wife or someone else about my gambling but I couldn't as I thought I would be seen as a failure and you guessed it my wife found out by checking my phone that I was gambling and this has hurt her even more and I have being living apart from my wife and kids for 3 months and it's been horrible to say the least. I have been having councilling through gamcare and I find this to be helping me very much and is giving me answers as to why I gambled and would recommend trying it. My point is that I would come clean to your husband and tell him everything as the only way you are going to help yourself to stop is by being honest and open with people, he will be very mad as like my wife was. On the plus side me and my wife talked for only the 2nd or 3rd time last nite as she couldn't bear to look at me previously and after a good talk and me being open and honest she is willing to give me another chance which I am absolutely over the moon about but I know only me can stop myself gambling but others can help me !! I hope you find it in yourself to tell your husband and I will look out for future updates.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

All the Best

Darren

Wether you tell him now or he finds out himself down the line he is going to find out. You're not invincible and he's not stupid and enevitably you will lose more or will have maxed out Peter and wont be able to pay Paul and you will become more desperate and the situation will get worse. If you tell him today then you can start fixing it together because it can always get worse. My husband is the gambler he is in recovery just now. I found out he was gambling by chance, he was in a hole and had lost a lot of money and we were close to being in real trouble but he still didn't crack a light or recognise the problem and stop (he may have been in turmoil like you are but was an amazing liar and seemed neither up nor down). This is something I still struggle with because I feel like if I hadn't found out he'd still be lying. I would feel much more positive about it and about him if he had recognised he had a huge problem and thought of someone other than himself and came to me and been honest. It would have meant a lot more to me as I just can't get over how I found out and how well he lied. When your husband finds out let it be on your terms. Let him see you're accepting your illness and you're ready to take control and that you want to be honest with him. It could be your one redeeming feature here. My husband lied through his teeth and drip fed me info and now I just think he's a liar everytime I look at him. Be better than that. Good luck x

I just want to add that when it's all hit the fan then calmed down and we as partners of gamblers have time to process what's happened, it's not the financial side that hurts the most. Money can be replaced and debts paid off. It's the lies and betrayal that we struggle to forgive and forget.

Hi cocopops.

Its also about facing yourself and facing reality. Its an addiction and there is no shame in reaching out for help. Its an addiction which completely controlled us.

Now I would say start taking action about self excluding and putting blocks on. You need a clear plan of immediately what you are going to do and then you can tell your husband with some ideas of how you are going to build your self respect back up.

You will need to be living on an allowance and providing receipts. That is nothing as you will feel a sense of relief that you are in recovery

You do need this honesty and you must stop gambling. Gambling will completely destroy you so in that sense telling your husband is the better and indeed the easier option.

You have been under a form of mind control. When you and your husband understand the addiction more, he will realise thats its not as simple as you being very silly or greedy for more money.

Its like a born again moment and part of that is realising that you must get the words out. That means discussing everything and not hiding anything about the debts or level of money. Gambling has devestating new lows in store for you so you must get the help now and stop. You cant do it on your own.

There is help regarding the debts. The most important danger is gambling. Everything else will find a way when you are gamble free.

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like....build yourself up but we all generally advise that you must tell people close.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Cocopops - your story was my story. I reached the stage where you are at. I rang a trusted family member (my sister) and confessed. She and her husband drove 4 hours that same evening and I confessed to my husband in front of them. They helped us deal with the fallout. The relief of that was enormous and although it took time our relationship just nine months on is better than it was before. Do you have someone who can be there for you both? You must tell him and hand over all cards and just use cash until you can be trusted again. Don't despair - but you have to be honest xxx

Hi Cocopops - your story was my story. I reached the stage where you are at. I rang a trusted family member (my sister) and confessed. She and her husband drove 4 hours that same evening and I confessed to my husband in front of them. They helped us deal with the fallout. The relief of that was enormous and although it took time our relationship just nine months on is better than it was before. Do you have someone who can be there for you both? You must tell him and hand over all cards and just use cash until you can be trusted again. Don't despair - but you have to be honest xxx

Thank guys, I haven't been able to log on to see all your comments because I work long hrs sometimes and because I haven't told my husband as yet,frighten he might see me on this site and then I would have to explain.

Because I am not very good with technology and computer and phone I know basics but that's,it so I ask my husband about K9 and told him I was fed up of getting emails from gambling sites and trying to unsubscribe from all these site Which is TRUE. He goggled it but it's not compatible with my phone.I was hoping he would ask why and how I new about this program...so I could then start to tell him but he didn't so I didn't tell him. I know I have got to tell him and I really don't want to be caught out.I have try to think about this if this was on the other foot and my husband had gambled a lot of money how would I feal and your right I think i would be angry and upset but most of all I would be thinking why couldn't he talk to me !!! I think I am having a hard time telling him because in all the years I've been married to this wonderful man he is the one that has done stupid thing. May be not on this scale of deceit but he was addicted to grass for many years it was never a problem he always managed to work and provide for us but as he got older his personality started to change I didnt like the way he was so eventually with a lot of talking and surport from me he quit and has been drug free for nearly two years and I am so proud of him, it wasn't easy for him but he did it. I use this to my advantage now which is so wrong because the last time I told him I need help I use to say well you spent thousand of pounds on your drugs over the years so really I am low maintenance lol what a joke. And I believed it at the time but on reflection this was wrong and it's not fair that I blame him for my gambling ,I'm the one who has done this and I'm the one who need to be honest . Today is Friday and it's what I call my day as every other week it's my day off before I work two 12 hrs shift over the weekend see i work in the health industrial you think I would know better,I look after people look out for there best interest it's not in my nature to hurt people. I have been dreading it I'm sitting here , the computers in the cupboard there's some money in my bank and I could go online and gamble I've got butterfly's in my stomach all I keep thinking about is I know if I go on I won't be able to stop, I will either get caught up in trying to win money back and the thought of fealing like I did and have done for a few day is stopping me and the fact telling my husband that I spent 900 is bad but I could lose the lot and well I don't even what to think about it . I haven't gambled since Monday and I want to be gamble free but this is the start and I have got to tell my husband before I can even start to recover . I have thought I could talk to my Dad I once borrowed £100 of him to put back in bank and I did tell him I had spent bill money on gambling on line I told him I had just got caught up trying to win money back and couldn't tell my husband he did give me the money but read me the riot act about gambling my husband never found that out . But I just feal that may be the lying and cheating is worse than the money I've lost . I have all these thought in my head and I don't even know if I'm thinking straight any more

Cocopops sounds as though you need to talk to someone today...what about your dad? You need support hon...could you transfer surplus cash to your dad until you speak to your husband...it would also show your husband how much you are struggling , and prepared to do, when you do tell him. Take action. Don't just sit and let it drive you crackers. Best wishes.

Hey pops..I'm sorry your feeling so alone and scared...I know how that feels...like you love i made every excuse under the sun to not tell hubby. ..he'd been battling cancer...he was volatile ...he would leave...he would hate me...etc etc...all seemed relevant excuses at the time...I now know it was my addiction stopping me from telling him....hanging on to me like a chain around my neck...
I was lucky I had the support of my adult daughter...she was here when my addiction came to light with him...the three of us sat up till 5 in the morning.....talking. ..yes of course there were tears...questions...shock..etc. ..but actually not as bad as I had imagined...the relief to me was unreal...liberating...things were dealt with by us together. ....take a look at my diary if you fancy...at the very least it will pass the time off day....if you really havnt got any body to help you talk to him...maybe you could put it all in a letter....just a thought....my life's still not perfect...what ever that is lol
But trust me love .....it's a million times better than it was when I was chained to a online slot...good luck x

Hi again, well what a day I've had.... I did take some of your advice I rang my sister she wasn't in ....so I rang my other sister she wasn't in so I thought I would do some house work keep myself busy I was changing my 18year old daughters bed ,normally on a good day the only thoughts in my head are how the hell have I raised such a untidy b****r lol but all I could think about was the computer downstairs...and what would happen if I spent more money ..my thoughts.. I could win which would sort all my problems or I could lose and I would still be in the same situation.Sitting here now I feal stupid why why did I talk myself into going back but I did

But something good came out of this decision. While playing I had the same fealings and I still couldn't control the amount I just kept putting on ...it was nearly half four and I was in such a state I had to turn computer offf as my husband gets in from work around this time. I did just like I would normally went into kitchen made a coffee and waited for husband to get home, I was shaking and my heart was pounding but I just knew I had to tell him and as soon as he came through the door it all came pouring out . I told him every thing from the credit cards to the loan to what I have spent over the years and he was so good he just cuddled me and said we can sort this I just don't deserve him.

Well he has taken control of my money put blocks on computer and ask me about my phone and iPad which I have never gambled on ,he said he was waiting for me to come clean as it wasn't a total surprise to him.

Well I still feal awful but I feal like a weight has been lift from my shoulders and now I can concentrate on becoming gamble free. I know it's gonna be a hard but I can beat this , next step for me is to start at the beginning so I think I am going to use this site to note my recovery, it has been a life saver I have read lots of stories and will keep doing so it has help me for sure . It can only get better .

Ooh. ..that's great pops...well done you for telling him...and what a star he is......now you can 100%focus on your recovery . ..have a breather together over the weekend....lots of hugs...

Hi cocopops

As you have already said it feels like a huge weight already lifted from your shoulders in your husband knowing about your gambling, this is the start of the recovery and it won't always be Rosie and a smooth road ahead but it's all manageable and a little bit easier if we are just honest and tell our partners everything. There will be times that you feel like gambling again but just try to remember how horrible life was when you were gambling and what potentially you have to lose, it sounds easy to say but I have been in this boat for the last 3 months as I have being living apart from my wife and kids, fortunately she has decided to give me another chance and I have moved back home this weekend and we are working things out slowly and I feel over the moon and never want to be where I was for the last 3 months living apart from them. I have had councilling sessions and I find these have being very helpful in understanding why I gambled but they don't always work for everyone. Good luck on your journey to be GF there will be bad days but the good days will out weigh these whilst we are not gambling !!

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren