Nervous and scared

break that fear. You need to get this in the open. It's not easy, it hurts others, there are consequences.

but there are also consequences of not talking and quite frankly they are far worse. far far worse.

write, email, phone, text, visit - whatever way you can just break that ice.

call gamcare for proper help and support if you need

best wishes

You sound in the same boat as me. I really relate to the losses thing, the guilt and shame, and of course fear and debt. Just wanted to wish you all the best on your journey - I'm currently fighting the urge to have a go at winning some losses back. Day 1 for me. Good luck with it all.

Good luck scoops. i hope you manage to resist the urge. Have you told your family/partner ? How did it go ?

Hi Chars.

Telling someone close can seem difficult but cg above is right to mention that there are consequences of keeping quiet. Gambling thrives on secrecy and if you continue to gamble it will take you to new lows.

Its not an income scheme and you are doing what we all did by ignoring the risk and the odds in the grip of a full blown addiction. We all tried to rationalise our escape by thinking it was going to pay the rent for a month or a chip meal. Oh I only want to pay my debts as if a random number generator in a machine is listening to you and being sympathetic.

When you tackle the gambling addiction everything starts to fall into place. You must reach out for all the help on offer and keep using the forum.

Its a complex addiction based on all sorts of things like depression and being fed up with life. You need your mum on board to save any quality of life you have.

Please ring gamcare as many times as you like and keep talking about it

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hello

i just wrote my first and very lengthy post on the new members forum ....it helped getting it all off my chest. I feel like such a failure and that people might think I am looking for sympathy. Having read these posts, I just want to thank you all for coming on here as I can relate to everything you say. I am going to have to stop blaming myself for this horrendous addiction I have got. I've never achieved anything in my life so now is the time. Stay strong everyone.

Chars - My OH is aware I gamble and that I have debts on cc. But he doesn't know to what extent. When looking at getting an IVA recently I cried shamelessly on the phone to the advisor when he said I would have to tell my husband about it all. I was almost physically sick with fear. He will leave me I think - he values money and is a lot more careful than me. He's always easily overcome any addictions he's had such as smoking, so thinks everyone else should be the same. If I can't sort the mess out myself, I'll have to tell him the gory details I suppose. On the plus side, if he divorced me I'd be able to pay my debts off with the house sale lol. I have already mentioned I would need to pay my cc off when we sell the house - he looked as if he was chewing a wasp when I said that. My biggest fear is the loss of trust and respect. When my dad died he wasn't overly impressed that I took myself off for bereavement counselling. He couldnt understand why I needed it. He's hard to talk to as he gets judgemental or defensive. He has no debts apart from mortgage, and I really don't want to burden him with mine if I can sort it out alone.

Last night I went and told my mum. Hardest thing I've ever done but I did it. And what a relief. I feel fully supported and she is gonna help me get out of this mess I've created.

I'm well aware this is only a first step but I feel more positive already. And I am determined to stop and never gamble again!!!!

Scoops it is not a nice position to be in. But perhaps if you came clean and was honest it would be better than him finding out for himself? It would show him bravery at you admitting your problem?

Hi all just a wee update to what's been happening over past couple of days.

So I after telling my mom a couple days later with help from family my partner was told. Was extremely scary but I am very lucky to have a man that is not only going to be supporting me through this he also feels a sense of relief as to know what has been going on with me. He even had a hunch.

I have also self excluded from every site I have ever used. And I have contacted stepchange for my debt. Since coming clean to everyone I have not once felt the urge to gamble. I'm not as silly to think that won't come but for now I am not tempted in the slightest. I will be using this forum, family, partner and councilling to best this.

Well an update on my situation.

About 6 weeks ago I relapsed and started gambling again.

And very quickly it became about chasing loses again.

I feel low stupid and sick to the stomach.

It all came to a head 2 days ago when gambling every penny which I did almost on purpose so I'd have to come clean. I told my boyfriend who rightfully so is angry, hurt and ended our relationship. He feels he cant Support me any longer and I don't blame him.

He gave me half of what I need to pay bills and that was it that was us all over.

I know I have triggers with gambling and that's what happened six weeks ago but I didn't stop and I have lost everything.

I have now the horrible task of telling disappointing and hurting my mom again, which I had hope to have avoided doing as need the financial assistance for the rest if the month.

This will not Be easy.

However I have self excluded from gambling sites and installed k9 and getting councilling sessions sorted.

I know relapses can and do happen. I lost more than money because of my relapse. And lessons have been learned.

Onwards and upwards

Well done for coming back here . I know what you mean about doing it on purpose . I remember feeling a sense of relief that the money had gone . I also strangely buzzed at thinking how I was going to get out of the situation I had created for myself . How inventive I needed to be with my stories . Who I was going to try and borrow money off . Which bill I was going to not pay . When I write this down it seems bonkers . The only advice I can give you is that it seems like you are kind of at a rock bottom . The only way is up . You need to like yourself first before others can feel the same . I totally know this from experience. See this as a new start . You can beat this and good things will start to happen in your life .

Hi Chars33.

Dont be too hard on youself but use this as a lesson that telling your mum has to be backed up by control of money and very strong blocks.

Its an addiction you need to learn about and a form of mind control. It will come out of the blue given any chance.

You also need to realise that its less about being bailed out and more of strict control of your money. The best advice is that it can not be done on willpower alone.

You and your family need to understand what you are dealing with. Its a addiction that takes over your mind so you cant even trust yourself.

Next firmly focus that gambling is a mugs game and the slots dont remember who you are or that you are down over the years. Every spin is the same random number generator and the same algorithm. They are not an income scheme and not a get it back later scheme. The slot owners have already won because they take a percentage up to approx 23% of the take every year no matter what happens. For them it definately IS a big income scheme...for you its a head full of lucky clover and a drug craving for dopamine and feelings that the world should be good to you.

You cant be casual in any way about this. There is no room for complacency. It needs to be streeped up so that your family know you are in effect a drug addict for gambling. Does that sound harsh because Im just trying to make you see that its not just about being silly or greedy...its an addiction that wants its own fix and doesnt care if you have any food in the cupboards or a boyfriend.

I hope you will now step things up. Its not about being treated like a baby. Its about saving any quality of life while your mind heals

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Chars any update with you

Sam

Hi Sam yes day 8 gamble free

I have started a recovery diary and have been posting in detail There.