New here

Hey, 

So sorry to read this. 

This is coming from a compulsive gambler, I am a compulsive gambler.

Unfortunately, the lies and deceit is all part of it. I lied to my husband everyday, I hid things from him, I took out loans in his name, I made sure I was always home when the postman arrived so he didn’t see anything I didn’t want him to. I ran up a HUGE amount of debt.

I was so scared to tell him anything, it was eating me up inside. I was literally a wreck. I thought the worse case scenario- we’d split up, he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. But he was full of support, he felt so sad that I was going through it all and couldn’t tell him. He hugged me and said everything will be ok. 

Gambling is an illness, it’s not a choice. Don’t give up on him. I wouldn’t be here today if my husband had given up on me. 

Take care, 

Claire x

Hi Ellie,

You are definitely NOT a fool, so please try not to feel like that. Gambling sneaks up on people & before you know it it is something too serious. And becomes hard to hide, but we try everything because it’s so humiliating! 

Totally understand the break down of trust, I have put my families finances into a mess with stupid gambling. 

It has been absolute hell knowing I have let everyone down so badly and have been so selfish. Please know that your husband is probably beating himself up a million times more than you ever will over this.

My husband has been amazing & I don’t deserve him. But since this all came out I want to do everything in my power to be the partner he deserves now. 

If he had given up on me because of my gambling there is a good chance I’d have jumped in front of a train.

I hope you can find a way through this… Is it bad of me to say try & go easy on your husband? …You’ll come out of it all stronger.

Becky

Hi Ellie, welcome to the forum

Thank you for all the kind words. I feel totally lost atm. The life and man I thought I married has gone. Did it ever exist? I have told me husband I will support him if he wants to get help but I don’t know if the marriage can continue. 

I feel sorry for him as not only was he gambling, he was giving his family money to enable them to gamble. This has been happening for years. He made me believe he wanted a better life and that he didn’t gamble like them. I don’t know if I can ever get the trust back as there have been so many lies. 

That is a tough one… why has he been giving his family money to gamble too?? Are you sure it isn’t money he has spent himself?

Gambling makes people lie & it gets out of hand & the lies get harder to maintain.

I get that the trust is in the gutter. That’s probably the worst thing. At the end of the day, money is important but it is just money… But losing a persons trust hurts deeper. It may never get back to what it was… but is he remorseful? Is he going to do everything he can do to heal the mistakes?

I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Becky x

@cpparch o*g that sounds very similar to my story. Thanks for sharing. I was lucky as well ans my husband forgave me. He has control of finances now 

@notsolucky11 yes, he has been giving his family money for years. I have asked them and they confirmed it. They thought he had money and so it was ok to keep taking and taking. He has taken out loans for them too.

Over the years, I had been asked to transfer money to them too. Other family members apart from my husband have borrowed them money too. It’s such a mess! 

He is remorseful and he is seeking help for the 1st time. His family don’t want to stop. 

@poblwc it’s awful isn’t it. I cannot believe what gambling did to me as a person. Still now I feel full of guilt and dread and I don’t know why. Perhaps because I accumulated over £25k worth of debt. Now I feel so awful as the cost of living is so high, and we’re paying back the debt. I’m working as much as I can but still doesn’t feel like enough ?

Wow, Ellie, that sounds like a right old mess, so he has been funding his AND his family’s gambling for some time? 

His family know now that it’s going to stop right? …and is there a chance of them attempting to pay any of it back?

The most important thing is that your husband is remorseful and that he wants to get help now for the problem. That must have been hard to admit & sounds like he is at rock bottom. 

I hope you find a way through this and come out stronger. I’m so grateful that my partner didn’t ditch me because of my gambling problem. I know I’ll never risk losing him again by gambling (or anything else)

Becky x