I’m going to give the diary updates a go as part of my new beginning. So here goes - I’m still a newbie on here, I’ve been addicted to gambling for a while now, I’m almost 5 days now without gambling. My addiction is all online casinos, I’ve never really had an urge to go to the bookies or compulsively hit casinos on a regular basis. I guess online was easier to access and I could bury my head in the sand on how much I was spending as I didn’t need to use physical cash I could transfer it all from my phone. I came clean to my husband on Tuesday night, I hadn’t planned to but he knew something was wrong and it all came spilling out. I’d come into a substantial chunk of money and we’d made so many plans for it the main one was to get repairs done to our house that is needed. Sadly my addiction took hold and I lost it all. My husband is furious and has been honest in saying he doesn’t know if we can come back from this (we’ve been married almost 15 years and together for 20) he has said though no matter how angry he is he wants to help me through this. The feeling of knowing how much I’ve hurt him and most likely destroyed what was (before this happened) a fantastic relationship will live with me forever. I am determined to prove to him that I will beat this and somehow will pay off the debts I have run up and the money I’ve lost I know it will take years and to be honest I don’t know how I’m going to do it but I’m going to try my best to succeed. I’m going to document my progress as and when I can as I’m hopeful it will help my recovery and maybe one day reading this could help someone else in a similar situation. To anyone in the same situation reading this good luck with your recovery. I wish you all the best! Stay 💪 ❤️Â
Hi Bobalina
Did you say if you have all the blocks in place ?.Gamstop,.Gamban and g ling transactions blocked at the bank ?
Hi Stuart,
im registered with Gamstop for 5 years with auto renewal every 5 years. I’ve blocked my back account from gambling transactions. I did have the blocking software installed but my phone wasn’t working properly with it so I had to uninstall and I need to try and get it sorted again this weekend.Â
Hi Bobalina
Excellent. If you contact Gamban support they can fix that for you with the new beta version.Â
Are you able to get any accountability in place with someone looking over your money or banking app ?
Thanks I will do that! Yes my husband has taken full control of our joint account. I currently don’t have any money in my own account to do anything with so am not worried about that at the moment but we’ve taken steps to ensure when money does go in I can’t use it irresponsibly.Â
Diary update - I’m now almost 6 days clean. I’ve spent most of today speaking to my creditors and trying to get my debt sorted. I also joined my first online meeting. I only listened rather than joining in but reality really hit home listening to others stories about their journeys.Â
I’m still anxious about the state of my marriage, my husband is going to support me through this but neither of us know if we can survive this. I really want us to but he’s not sure if he can ever trust me again. I hope I’m taking the right steps to try and rebuild the trust. It’s hard when he is the only one that knows the situation. At the moment we are keeping it between us to protect our daughter as we don’t want her to find out yet. It feels like quite a lonely place at the moment as although my husband knows it’s so fresh and raw he still doesn’t really want to talk to me the only communication we have, is if we have to.Â
I am still determined to beat this and get myself back in a better place than where I am now. I know it’s baby steps but hopefully in the days and weeks to come this will start to show. If anyone has any advice it will always be gratefully accepted, thank you!Â
That's a great move forward. Removing the opportunity to gamble gives that safety net we need. Next step is talking to your husband. Maybe signpost help and advice for him to understand this illness. I wouldn't push as he's done nothing wrong but he's been harmed as well. You know this but the best way to keep the relationship is to work on yourself to be the best you can. It's not going to be easy and it takes time as you will notice it before him but have hopeÂ
Thanks Stuart! I have mentioned to him about support and advice he can have, for now he said he wants to deal with it in his own way but he is aware that there is help out there for him as well.
Today has been a better day overall, I’m now almost 1 week gamble free. Sounds like nothing but a huge achievement! Instead of gambling I’ve been doing soduko and colouring. I have found it really relaxing and forgot how much I enjoyed it. Ending the day being kind to myself with a bit of a pamper session. In regards to my relationship we’ve had a positive step in the right direction. It’s obviously still early days but conversation has been the best it’s been since I came clean to him about everything. To sum the week up it’s been an absolute rollercoaster but is ending in the most positive way I think it could do under the circumstances. Onwards and upwards 💪❤️
Hi Bobalina
I'm still on that rollercoaster on day 200. I've decided it's going to take work everyday to keep my partner but then it's worth itÂ
Morning Stuart, it is 100% worth it. Can also officially announce I’ve been 1 week with no gambling  I also actually slept well and woke up feeling like I’d slept for the first time in ages, so hoping today is going to be a good day!Â
Whatever the future holds, it's an amazing life. Freedom from addiction is incredibleÂ
Almost 12 days gf! Won’t be long until I hit the 2 week mark. Haven’t been on here for a few days been busy with work but did have my second 1-2-1 session on Wednesday it was emotional but I felt better after. My DMP is almost set up I’ve submitted everything I needed and contacted my creditors, am hoping once it’s fully up and running and payments are being made I will start to feel even better. Still baby steps in my relationship we are spending a bit of time together tonight just having a game of darts at home but it’s definitely progress, still a long way to go but I’m still staying strong! 💪
Well done. Sounds like you have a plan in placeÂ
@lp5vut869c thank you, taking each day as it comes but trying to get my life back together
It’s the beginning of a new week, am now officially 2weeks gf and still no urges so far so good! It’s going to be a difficult week as it’s our wedding anniversary later this week and I’m still not sure if our marriage can be fixed but I am going to continue to fight for it! We had a good weekend in terms of talking so hopefully a step in the right direction! Stay strong everyone! 💪❤️
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