New here and starting to accept

Hey Matt 

it’s not the money or amount that matters. I have lost over £300k. You need to firstly stop hating yourself for it and secondly forget about winning it back. The biggest win in your life will be to stop right now. Trust me even if I made £300k back it won’t make me happy, but the process of trying to make it back shakes me to the knees. It’s that thrill. It will only get worse. Trust me. I’ve had relapses and only yesterday lost over £20k within hours. It’s a sinking feeling which only gets better with time. Find happiness and peace outside of money and gambling. Us gamblers cannot be present in life whilst we are gripped by this. When you have active accounts or some money you will always be pulled to it. Just close it all down and over time trust me it gets easier. I know it’s fickle to say it’s just money but it really is and for people like us it could be a lot more than just money unless we stop. Every urge you get just go and do something, listen to music, go for a walk. It won’t be easy. It’ll be on your mind for weeks and months but that’s ok. At least you won’t be digging a bigger hole for yourself 

Hi Matt, firstly well done for opening up to the forum and admitting you have a problem. You sound like a level headed guy who knows there is no sense in what you are doing but, for some reason, can't stop. Well if you read other peoples stories most of us are the same.

You say there are no magic words to help but first you need to ask yourself do you really want to stop. If the answer is yes then the magic words right now are registering with Gamstop and putting a blocker on your devices to remove the temptation. I use Betblocker and its on for 5 years along with Gamstop.

You are only using your savings at the moment but this is delaying you getting a place of your own, what happens when they have all gone.

Your are only young so now is the time to put your life back on track by putting the blocks in place and looking forward to the future.

You will find it hard going at first but it will gradually get better and you will start to see the fog clear so you can get back to a "normal" life.

For me, I gambled for 5 years with no regard for my wife or family racking up a lot of debt and using savings, but putting these blockers in place I am now 68 days gamble free and it feels great. Don't get me wrong my finances and my marriage are still in a mess but slowly these will improve with time.

Hope you find the courage to admit you want to stop and put the magic words in place.

Stay strong and good luck

Hi Matt. Well done for posting. I echo everything bladesman has said we are at a similar time in our recovery I'm 76days today . Do yourself a favour read as many stories on here as you can they are all different but you will notice similarities that run through all. The amounts of money are not the most relevant thing .....it's the behaviour...whatever you want to label it addictive/ compulsive/ destructive. It's the same thing as alcoholism/ drug addiction all harmful / cause anxiety and depression. Your problem is not trivial as bladesman has said your actions are delaying what you want in life. Do a little exercise find out when you made your first deposit track up to present day see if you can see a progression in number of deposits and frequency and then total it to date and then tell us if what you see looks trivial or does it look like someone on a one-way ticket to nothing. I know what you mean by trivial obviously I'm not trying to treat you like your stupid you mean you've read stories of gambling the rent money/ food money/ no gas,electric. I'm trying to paint you a picture of what life can become for a compulsive gambler and like me and bladesman got our family into debt, jeopardized our marriages, made our lives more difficult than they should be. Take stock, stop now..block your access to websites...could you trust your savings with someone so you can't spend anymore ? Last night I was crying because there were people begging for help, I felt sick one guy said hed thought of jumping off a bridge. I didn't know what to say if there was anything I could say. Bladesman posted and implored him to phone the helpline.I go to GA meetings it's easier there you're in the same room as people you can reach out to them. So today when I read your post I had to see if I can make a difference, I hope so. Best wishes

Hi both,

Thank you both so much for replying to me, it's great to have people reply who know what I'm talking about. Feels a bit weird for the comments of strangers to mean so much, but it does.

I've  just registered with GamStop.  Until reading both your comments I'd always put it off. After a big loss like I experienced last night I always feel like the thought of gambling sickens me and that I don't need to do an exclusion because I have it under control - that's an excuse, somewhere deep down I must know I want to go back. Time to face the reality that if I had it under control long term then this wouldn't keep happening. I have mixed feelings about it, on one hand I feel that my money is gone for good, the losses are now final. But on the other hand the money I have left is safe. I guess all I can do is accept it.

Charlieboy, I've actually done what you suggested and got statements from the main 2 sites I use and my loses, if I've worked it out properly, are less than what I'd expected. Over the past few years my gambling has been relatively consistent (though unacceptable). 95% of the time I'm very sensible with my money, and I'm not actually that frequent a gambler in the scheme of things, but it's the sessions where I can lose £100's or a £1000 which scare me. I can go weeks or even months without thinking about it so my worry isn't so much that I'm getting worse with time, it's that I have the potential inside me to go completely haywire and lose it all in that one mad session.

Thanks to you both for sharing your experience and your advice. I'm really sorry to hear that you guys have had such difficult times, but it really is encouraging to hear that you're both on the road to recovery and are gamble free for so long. I hope you can continue to have successful recoveries and that your finances and your relationships get back on track.

You've both made a big difference to my life today, I doubt I'd have blocked myself if I'd not come here, so thank you. Hopefully now I can draw a line under all of this

Well done Matt, everyone on here is so supportive of each other without judging as we are all aiming for the same result. Regarding what you have lost you just need to come to terms with that, this took me a few weeks, then look forward to a gamble free life.

Onwards and upwards ?

Hello Matt 

                    Welcome to the gamcare forum. Thank you for your honesty and I am glad to see others on the forum offer you some support and guidance. You have taken a big step forward by questioning your gambling behaviour. It sounds like you already know it may well be problematic. What you have described in your post is very common as I am sure you will see if you take the time to read through other peoples posts on the forum. I would also like to extend our support to you here at gamcare. we are here 24/7 at the end of the phone line or net line should you wish to call on us to see how best we could help you.  tel:08088020133

Wishing you all the best

Darren

Hi Matt I'm so pleased that you have taken these steps. Sounds like you have been binge gambling people gamble in different ways , I gambled every day last 2 years...You could go a few months and then bang a big binge. You will soon top your savings up and get that house . Keep this up now we all help each other out. The other night my son broke his chair that he sits in to game I cried....not because I was upset with him.....because I was so happy that we had money to get him a new one without worrying about it I didn't have to sweat about it ,secretly use the credit card, the one that I hadnt maxed out already and pretend again . It doesn't seem much but to me was a big deal !! Take care Matt you're going to be ok