Hi, I'm a 23 year old student who has amassed a lot of debt, time loss and pain from gambling. My problem with gambling hasn't been around for long but the devastation it's caused has been catastrophic! I first gambled when I visited a casino with some friends at 18 and had lost around £60 whilst playing roulette, I was upset and annoyed with this loss and returned the same day to win back my losses and came back with a very small profit, I knew that this behaviour was not normal and I showed compulsive traits with gambling so stayed away from it for a few years.
The real problem started when I began gambling online two months ago, I had a gut instinct that this was a terrible idea, but I told myself that I will only deposit £30 and no more! Well that very same day I managed to win over £1000 and lost it within 10 minutes! I was angry and couldn't believe..My low mood caused me to deposit £4000 that very same day in instalments of £200, 300, 500 which all added up. I had lost half of the money to my name in a single day, I finally manage to sleep and woke up the next day thinking how stupid I could've been and whether it was all a nightmare as that behaviour was completely uncalled for! Gambling makes us so irrational once we get sucked in. Because I was in so much pain, I told myself that I should be grateful that I still have £4,000 left in my account and I should take this as a lesson to never gamble again, which I was sure of! I was determined to never gamble and things were slightly getting better for me!
A month after my huge loss, I was in a better mood and coping with everyday life had become much easier, however after reading some forum posts on here and the problemgambling subreddit, part of me thought that there would be no harm in trying to win back some money. I justified it as I had already lost a huge amount, so how bad can it get, I thought I wouldn't make myself completely broke..oh how wrong I was! I managed to win £1000 from a £250 deposit on roulette which made me feel fearless again and assume that I had some skill and a potential way of making some easy money! It's like I completely ignored the lesson I was supposed to have learnt a month ago that gambling wiped half of my entire savings within a day! Well long story short, I gave that £1000 back to the online casino and ended up with only £1000 in my name after two days!
Now I was back to square one again, I knew that I should completely stay away from gambling and nothing good would come out of it, even if I would gain a huge win, it would just eventually end up back in the casinos pockets! I told myself that I should be grateful that I still had some money to my name and wasn't completely broke. I decided to finally put barriers in place and signed up to Gamstop on top of self-excluding myself from online sites!
However, two days ago I failed to resist a temptation to gamble and drove 40 miles to my nearest casino, I managed to earn a small win, I felt guilty for doing this and told myself that I will not gamble for a long time. It's funny how I went from trying to never gamble to, okay maybe it isn't so bad after gaining a small profit, even though I managed to lose 90% of all my money within 3 days in the recent past! Well I failed to stop, the very next morning I visited the bookies and stupidly played roulette on the FOBTs, I lost £150 and was so annoyed/angry at my loss. I tried to claw some of it back by visiting the casino that night and now I'm left with literally pennies to my name! I have nothing!
I can't tell my family about this as they would be completely judgmental, I only have one friend and I've told him I lost a couple thousand when this occurred initially, but I was adamant I'd never do it again after we both agreed how stupid and unjustifiable it all was looking at the situation from a mathematical perspective!
I need some help and support from people who can relate, which must be the majority of people on this forum! Any word of advice or tips to stay away from this evil disease would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you
Hi Sakr95, it seems like you want to stop gambling but are not putting all of the measures in place. There is a program called sense which self excludes from a lot of casinos nationwide. I also think you should be completely honest with your family, you will be surprised how understanding people can be when they care about someone. Also do you have someone you can trust to take care of your finances so essentially you are living off ‘pocket money’? I am 23 myself, my partner is a gambler, it’s a terrible illness and I hope you get on your road to recovery.
god Hi! I loved reading what you wrote, it’s like a mirror image of myself. I have never ever gamabled, never even thought of it. I possibly done ten pounds of bingo once a year and that was it. Then I was introduced to slots. First time I played I won and that was the end of my story. Since then I drink and I have done thousands on slot machines. No one knows my secret. I am to ashamed to tell anyone. I say I will do 20 pounds and no more then suddenly I was done 680 pounds and I hate myself. God I hate myself. I have won a few times pretty well. But I spend it. Plus more. Honestly no other feeling is worse then waking up and knowing what you have done and you can’t take it back. I am full of regret and disgust and say I’ll never do it again but I do and then the Circe starts all over. I have this want to win big, a belief maybe. It won’t happen. I’m fed up of hating myself and living a lie. It’s so hard.
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